Zacks Comeback

Saturday February 23, 2007

2007-02-26T11:52:00.000-04:00

As time and situations allow I will continue to post updates on Zack's recovery every other month. School is going well for Zack. We are blessed to be at Christian Academy where he is part of a family that understands what he has been through and his deficits. As he makes comments in the classroom or at lunch, the teachers and students know that his strange choice of words is the aphasia (language disorder) and he is not "weird". His friends think he is very funny because he can come up with unusual ways to describe things. I don't worry about him
with these kids but I do wonder how strangers will react to him when he chooses words that don't seem to make sense to them. Right now I can't imagine him going to college with students who don't know his situation and what they might say about him. I am grateful that Zack does not seem embarrassed or shy to explain why he talks the way he does. I guess he will be carrying that accident picture with him for a long time as a means of explanation.
Zack completed his 2nd Neuro Psych Evaluation in mid January. It took him two separate days because they added a new section and he wanted to do well on it. This evaluation is a tool to see how he is recovering and as expected his scores were overall higher since his last test in Jan 06
(6 months after his accident). The examiner described Zack as bright, cheerful, outgoing, cooperative and charming. She wrote that he expresses himself quite well despite significant aphasia. They were impressed with his ability to compensate for his language deficit but many of the test results were impacted by his aphasia, which we expected. His long term memory is intact but short term is still a problem. He can't study for a test too much in advance or he will forget the information (he has to cram the night before). Dr. Frantom was very impressed by his "working memory" which is the ability to "think on your feet". Zack scored high in this area the first time they tested him but he has improved even more (nearly 25% above average for someone who does not have a brain injury). Most people with a brain injury have trouble with short term and working memory so we are blessed that Zack only has to deal with issues relating to short term memory loss. The biggest surprise to us was how much his visual field deficit (field cut or blind spot) impacted several tests. I thought it only presented a problem when he was driving but several test results were below normal due to visual deficits. This is one reason his reading speed is still very slow. There is no surgery to correct a field cut because it has nothing to do with the eyes but rather how the brain perceives what the eye is seeing. Zack had 6 months of vision therapy which taught him how to compensate for his field cut, but he will always have it. There is no cure for aphasia. It may improve with time, but now that he is 18 months post accident, he will probably be dealing with it the rest of his life. We are very blessed that he does not get easily frustrated with his inability to find the right words to express himself. Dr Frantom finds Zack a very interesting case, very unique, and hopes to continue to test (study) him in the future. They can learn a lot on how the brain heals and the roll that family support plays in recovery. We used additional therapies, like Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment with Caroll Britton, that were not done through Frazier. I firmly believe that these things contributed to Zack's overall recovery. In addition, our faith that God would continue to heal him and Zack's belief that prayer is the answer, is a factor that most professionals do not take into account.
Zack has been training with the baseball team since January. Last week he had to be at school at 5:45 AM on several days for tryouts and then continue conditioning after school as well. He came home Tuesday very upset because he did not do well. When balls were hit to him in the outfield he missed over half of them. He told me he thought he would just drop out but I convinced him to wait one more day to see what happened. I got our neighbor, Michael Getz, to throw him long, high balls and then I watched Zack try to catch them. Although initially he would be right under the ball, he missed every one that came to his right side. He just couldn't see the ball. I explained to Zack that his field cut was the problem and we came up with some strategies. He would need to run to the right so that the ball came at him from his left side (out of his blind spot) and also turn his head slightly right. Once he tried these techniques he caught every one, so he was encouraged to stick with it. He loves baseball and before his accident he was an excellent ballplayer. He was so pumped up when Dr Mook released him to play and he was determined to make the team. When he came home from school on Wednesday he told me it was over. The coach cut him from Varsity but told him he could still be involved with the JV team. Zack politely declined but the coach told him he would give him a few days to think it over. When I talked to Zack, he explained that since he played Varsity as a Sophomore it would be hard to go back to JV now. He wasn't upset. He knows that he is not the same player he was before the accident. The new baseball coach at Christain Academy is my cousin so I called him to explain Zack's decision. I didn't want him to feel bad. He knows how hard Zack tried and how much he wanted to be part of the team again and he didn't want to deny him the opportunity. We talked about Zack's field cut and he explained that he was even more worried about Zack on the pitchers mound and running the bases. The ball comes at you much harder and faster and you have less time to react in those situations. He was concerned with Zack's safety but he also wanted him to be able to reconnect with his team. I assured him that Zack was not upset; he had to try, he understands the dangers, so it was best that he just move on from baseball. Thursday when I was coming home from work I passed by the baseball field and saw the team practicing. It broke my heart. I had so looked forward to sitting in the stands with Dr Perri and his therapist to see him play again. I realized that would never happen and it was hard. The tears flow know just writing about it. I called Zack and told him that I past the field and saw the team practicing, but as usual it was Zack who put things into perspective. There was a girl's varsity basketball game at Male High school at 6:00 and if he was playing baseball he wouldn't be able to go. At the game he cheered his friends (Brooke and Laura) and saw some students from male that knew him before the accident. he made us laugh at his antics and our world was right again. I was reminded just how blessed we are to have Zack alive. We may never see him play baseball again but he is destined for much better things. Zack and I just completed our training with the Brain Injury Association as First Contact volunteers. We will continue to go to University Hospital and Frazier Rehab to give hope to other families who are dealing with the tragedy of brain injury. Our last visit to University Hospital was for another teenager who did not survive, but we were still able to comfort his friends and family. Zack was worried that they would hate him because he lived and there son died and he didn't know what to say. I assured him that they would not hate him but instead look at him as hope for others. They hugged him and told him how glad they were that we came and what a miracle he was. They were told by the staff at the hospital that he was one in a million.
We also saw Yolanda, one of Zack's ICU nurses, who visited him when he moved on to Frazier Rehab. She had not seen him in over a year and was amazed at his progress. She told him that she wanted to help him get a job as a transporter at the hospital so he could have direct contact with patients and their families. It is something we will consider after he turns 18. Zack explained to Yolanda that God saved him for a purpose and he is anxious to see what that will be. Although he is aware of his limitations due to deficits from the accident, he knows how blessed he is just to be alive. This is driven home each time we make a hospital visit or when we go to Frazier and see other patients in the early stages of recovery. Zack is still fascinated with the sky. One of the first things he does in the morning is step outside to look at the sunrise and he frequently drags me outside in the cold at night to look at the stars. He is always looking up because he knows that is where miracles come from. Perhaps is attitude is so upbeat because his focus is upward. One night going to the hospital for a visit Zack said he had something to say that was kind of bad but he didn't want me to get upset. He told me he wished he could die right now because he couldn't wait to get to heaven. He said he remembered something from when he was in the hospital. He wasn't sure if it was a dream or if it really happened, but he saw heaven. He said he had to wait in line but then he was before Jesus who gave him a big hug. He looked around and saw heaven and it was beautiful with streets of gold. He said it was so real but that maybe he was dreaming. I reminded him that when he was barely able to talk he told his dad that he met God. We talked about it for a while and then I explained that it was good to long for heaven but he was too young to go there just yet and since God saved him He must have a plan for him on earth. He certainly is not afraid to die because he is sure of his eternal home.
It is strange how sometimes I miss those days in the hospital with Zack. I remember the evening that I approached him room in ICU and all the lights were on and there was a lot of commotion. A nurse ran to the door and told me to come quickly and at first I was afraid that something terrible has happened. As I entered the room it was full of what seemed like the entire ICU staff, some of the nurses with tears in their eyes. As I watched them give the verbal command, Zack gave "thumbs up" for the first time. It was four days after his accident and the first time that we knew Zack could hear and understand us. It brought me to my knees in tears of gratitude. In those days, as we rejoiced over each tiny improvement, it forced me to rely more and more on God. I miss that dependence because I was closest to God during those difficult times. I truly believe that His strength is made perfect when we are weak. Now that Zack is doing so well and we are caught up in daily living, it is good to have reminders that God is in control. We can view the end of baseball as a sign of our weakness and His strength. It gives us opportunities to look at Zack in a different way and examine our relationship with God. We can focus on what God has in store for Zack that is beyond baseball and his aspirations before the accident. Most of the time Zack sees these things more clearly that we do. He desires to "do something for God". Right now every night he is reading a book for Bible class called "Jesus Freak" and it contains stories of people who suffer because of their faith. He says that he wants something like that to happen to him. He wants to give back to God. We are just thankful that God gave him back to us and we will continue to give Him the glory!

Thursday December 28, 2006

2006-12-28T17:32:00.000-04:00

Thursday December 28, 2006

Sorry it has been so long but I really did not think people were still reading the website until I went to a basketball game at Christian Academy recently. Several people told me they still look for updates so I was convicted to post again. We have had a busy fall with the kids back in school. Zack is doing very well, thanks to all the help he receives from Carol Britton (his tutor) and the fact that he only has four classes right now. His grades are good but he still struggles when there is a lot of reading involved. We are seeing the impact of his limited short term memory but Carol explains that his deductive reasoning skills are excellent. If he is able to talk a question through he can usually come up with the right answer. Mostly he struggles with memorization of names and dates. We received the PSAT test results that he took this past October. Although it was expected that he would not do as well as he had before (he excelled on this same test as a Sophomore before his accident) his 30 point drop underscores how the accident has impacted his cognitive abilities. We are still thankful that he is reading, studying and taking tests at all, considering we were told he would never return to school.
Zack still battles daily with aphasia (the language disorder). During Christmas he was looking for the “covering for presents” so I helped him pick out wrapping paper. When he was loading presents in the car he told me he needed a “covering” and I asked him why he needed more wrapping paper. He explained “not that kind of covering, for the liquid from the sky”. I corrected him, pointing out that it was raining, and we laughed as I found him an umbrella. Usually the aphasia makes us laugh and he rarely gets frustrated by it. Occasionally though when I am trying to explain where something is or ask him to find something for me, it can get tiring. Last week I called and wanted him to measure a headboard that was stored in our garage. I thought I was explaining it well, telling him what it was used for and exactly where it was at, but he kept going back to our lawn chairs. Finally, Dylan got on the phone and showed Zack what I was talking about. There is no cure for aphasia. It has improved a lot since the beginning of the year and we expect it to continue to get better, but he may experience it for the rest of his life. We are very blessed that Zack takes it in stride and those around him are understanding and patient. When he does run across someone that seems annoyed or puzzled by his odd description of things, he pulls out a picture of himself from his wallet. It is a graphic head shot in the hospital the day after his scull was removed. He will show it to them and say, “I was wrecked and sometimes I forget words”. They are always sympathetic and frequently embarrassed that they may have been insensitive. Zack then tells them all about his accident and how God saved him. He is never embarrassed and it has frequently led to a free lunch. Zack is aware of his deficits but he is even more conscious how blessed he is to be alive. He is always the one that asks family members of other patients that we visit if they believe in God. While I am the one helping to explain what they may encounter with a brain injury, he is the one that tells them to pray. He tells them it really works, God hears you and it is the most important thing to do. I am always thanking him in the elevator as we leave the hospital that he shared his faith and gave God the credit for his recovery. It reminds me why we have come so for when many others are not near as fortunate. We are given concrete evidence of our blessing every time we visit people at University Hospital or Frazier Rehab.
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we received a phone call asking us to visit a family at University whose 21 year old son had received a brain injury from a car accident. When I told Zack about the call he said the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he was anxious to go see them. We spent about two hours with the family and went into ICU to see Andy. Zack told his Mom that Andy looked good, to keep praying and not give up hope. We saw several of the nurses that took care of Zack when he was there and they were amazed at his recovery. We promised to come back again to see Andy that weekend and left feeling as blessed as they felt encouraged. The Saturday after Thanksgiving, as I was putting up Christmas decorations, we received a phone call with devastating news that Andy had died the day before. I was heart broken, even though I had only just met them, because of the connection through Zack’s similar situation. I wept with compassion for the family and humble appreciation for our blessings. Zack came home with Scott and we all cried as we discussed what had happened. Zack left to watch the U of L game at a friend’s house and I could only stare at a half decorated Christmas tree. When the phone rang again I never expected it to be Zack and certainly didn’t anticipate the reason for his call. He told me he just had an accident. I couldn’t believe him. Finally I asked him if he was OK and he said, “yes but it’s really bad”. I got Scott out of the shower (not daring to go myself) and he met a shaking Zack on Shelbyville Road. I was frantic waiting for them to return or at least call me. When they finally came home, Zack was stunned but uninjured. His car was totaled but he had his seatbelt on (one lesson he will never forget) and Scott was distraught. He said that if I saw the car I would not believe that Zack could be OK. Zack stopped us and said he had one thing to say. He said God saved him again and he knows that God has a special plan him. For the next hour I just sat on my couch and stared out the window, numb with emotion and filled with gratitude. Zack has no car now (and we have no money to buy him another one) but it seemed so insignificant. Later that day, when the car was towed to our house, I couldn’t even go out to look at it. Zack and Scott both tried to convince me come outside but I just couldn’t do it. The next morning I peered out the window and finally got the nerve that afternoon to get close enough to touch it. All I could think of was how God would use this to glorify Him. Zack complained that his neck hurt a little in church so on Monday I called Dr Mook. When I told him Zack had a car accident he blurted, “He didn’t hit his head, did he?” I assured him Zack’s head was fine, he was wearing his seat belt, but he had a little whiplash. Dr Mook felt he should check Zack out so we went in to see him. He agreed that Zack was fine and it gave us another opportunity to visit all our friends at Frazier. Then Zack asked Dr Mook if he could play baseball. Dr Mook is a big baseball fan so I was not surprised when he agreed (it will be 19 months since his accident by the time baseball try outs start). On the way home from Frazier Zack made an important phone call. He called Jeff Wagner, Andy’s cousin, who we had met at University Hospital. Ironically, Jeff had told Zack when he was ready to play baseball to give him a call and he would have him in shape in 3 months. Jeff played for St X High School, holds the home run record at Notre Dame and played 5 years professionally for the Angels. He retired from professional ball a few years ago and coached for both Trinity and St X. They made arrangements to meet that weekend to discuss a training program. Now Jeff picks Zack up several times a week and works with him one-on-one. Who would have thought that our visit to University Hospital one evening a month ago would have introduced us to the perfect batting coach for Zack? Coincidence. I don’t think so. God continues to put people in our path, to build circumstances that only He could envision, to light our path. I don’t know if Zack will make the baseball team but frankly I can’t imagine otherwise. There are many people watching…waiting to see him play again. Dr Mook, Dr Perry, Amy (PT) and Mary Beth (OT) will be smiling in the stands as Zack comes up to bat. The kid that wasn’t expected to walk again will be hitting homeruns. Don’t laugh…stranger things have happened to us since this whole “God thing” started on July 8th 2005. To God be the Glory!

Saturday September 30, 2006

2006-10-02T17:34:00.000-04:00

Saturday September 30, 2006 I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted but I now have to fight for computer time with Zack, Dylan and Kyle now that they are back in school. Zack is doing well in school because he works very hard. He gets help in a directed study hall and also is tutored by Carol Britton. He spends most nights typing his notes and studying. His teachers are very supportive and all of them are willing to give him the extra help he needs to be successful. I am impressed with his self motivation and determination to study. We don’t get to play cards as much anymore but I still get to interact a lot with him (only now it’s drilling him for test and reading over his papers).
We celebrated his 17th birthday with a surprise. The Junior Retreat was on the Friday of his birthday and I was a chaperone. Since we were going to Camp Piamingo where they would be completing various obstacle courses the school thought it would be best if I was there to supervise Zack and insure his safety. We arrived early at school and I met the other parents and teachers who were chaperoning. They gave us the lists of kids in our group and instructions for the day. Zack had already found his friends and boarded the bus. As I walked down the sidewalk towards my car I searched the windows for familiar faces. It was bitter sweet. I was so glad that Zack was making new friends in this class and blessed that he was even able to be here, but I really didn’t know many of these students. I couldn’t help thinking about the Senior class, the kids Zack grew up with, the ones that visited him every day at Frazier Rehab and went with us to Nashville for the Toby Mac concert. I looked at my list of kids again and other than Zack I only knew Addison and Chelsea. I had to admit I was nervous. I wanted them to like me so they would like Zack. By lunch time I had bonded with all the girls while I taught them to play Golf, our favorite card game. It turned out to be a beautiful day and everyone seemed to have a good time. The best part for me was when it was time for me to head back to school the girls ran to give me hugs and tell me how much fun I was. I had to beat the bus back to school so I could pick up Zack’s birthday present. When his bus pulled up we had his car, with a big bow on top, sitting in front of the flag pole. He was very surprised and excited, and his friends congratulated him while we took pictures. Of course we had to go for a test drive and since he only had his permit I got to enjoy his celebration. Last Tuesday he got his drivers license and Wednesday he drove his car to school for the first time. Now I have new worries. He drove to church Wednesday night and of course a storm arrives. As we are leaving church the sky is lit up with lightning and Dylan reminds me that Zack will be driving home in the rain. I call him while he is at Taco Bell and he tells me he has to take a friend home in Owl Creek, the opposite way from our house. I warn him to be careful and hurry home to wait. Scott is less patient and after only ten minutes he leaves to drive down Shelbyville Road, looking for Zack. Just a few minutes after Scott leaves, Zack arrives home, safe and sound. He tells me it’s kind of cool driving in the rain because you have to drive slow and really pay attention. He laughs at his Dad driving around in the rain and heads off to do his homework. I call Scott and tell him Zack is home and we decide this will be the first of many nights we will worry about him driving. I know every parent of a teenager has felt the same way but it doesn’t ease our mind to know we are in good company.
This past weekend Scott and Zack attended Promise Keepers at the Fairgrounds. Zack went forward and recommitted himself to following God’s leading in his life. They came home and told me (with tears in their eyes) what an amazing first night they shared. The next day they were there again and on the first break Zack called me to apologize for any time he might have disrespected me or hurt my feelings. He said he loved me and was going to try to be a better person. That night he told me that he wished he could go to Promise Keepers every weekend because it was such a powerful experience and he felt so close to God. The next day was my family reunion and Zack brought his girlfriend Rachel. Rachel is good friends with Michele Jaha, my friend Donna’s daughter (Donna stayed with Zack at Frazier Rehab when I had to go back to work). I have known Rachel for several years and she and Zack started out as friends. We love Rachel. She is a Christian and goes to church with Zack. She also closely followed his progress through his recovery, posted on this site and knows exactly what Zack (and our family) have been through. She understands when Zack says something inappropriate (he is still developing the gate that prevents him from saying exactly what he is thinking) and is aware of his aphasia (they laugh together when he chooses the wrong word for something). It is reassuring that she appreciates why we may seem a little over protective (after all he is 17) and she is comfortable just hanging out with our family. They had a good time together at the reunion and my family was delighted to see Zack. Most of my cousins had not seen Zack since the accident and were amazed at his recovery. God is so good! He continues to bless us with milestones we thought we would never have with Zack.
We may cringe as he pulls out of the driveway but, despite his blind spot, he is driving.
I may struggle to remember English and History facts in order to help Zack with his homework but, against all odds, he is back in school. He is as handsome as he ever was but now the beauty is also on the inside…he is not ashamed to tell you how much God has done for him. We have so much to look forward to but we still try to stay focused on the very near future. I pray that our experience will be a testimony to the power of prayer and the faithfulness of our Lord. While no one can pretend the past didn’t happen, it’s possible to pray that all the effects of it are removed. God says we are to cry out for deliverance, walk in His ways, proclaim His truth, and then we will find freedom from our past. We continue to pray for complete recovery but we accept that God’s healing will be complete in His time.
I am speaking to students again through FCA and will have a large audience at Shelby County High School. Pray that our message will be well received, that the students will recognize the how their choices can impact them for the rest of their lives and how God is always there to rescue them.

Sunday August 20, 2006

2006-08-21T08:57:00.000-04:00

Sunday August 20, 2006 Since my last posting on the anniversary of Zack’s accident I have had many people ask if I intend to keep updating now that it has been a year. Although we no longer see the day to day changes in Zack, he still continues to recover and I feel compelled to write about our journey. Zack started school as a Junior at Christian Academy last Wednesday August 16th. None of us slept well the night before, anxious or excited for what this new school year held. It was bitter sweet. As we approached the campus we saw the Seniors (who had camped out the night before) in their bathrobes and lawn chairs. They were holding up signs that read “Honk if you love seniors”. Fighting back the tears I honked and waved at all the kids that Zack has been in school with since Kindergarten. Zack should be standing with them, shouting and waving...he would have been a senior this year but for that fateful night. I was worried about how Zack was feeling as he waved to several of the guys on his old basketball team and as we past them he looked at me and said “Did you honk? Why would they want to stand out there in their bathrobes? Next year if my friends want to do that I am not wearing my robe!” There you have it. Zack did not dwell on the fact that he should have been there with them but rather how foolish he would feel in front of the school in his robe. I quickly glanced the other way so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes and thanked God silently for this absolutely wonderful attitude He has given Zack. When I pull up in the carpool line all my kids pile out of the car, grab their backpacks out of the trunk and walk into the building like any other school day. I drive away, passing the seniors again, honking and waving, but this time I am smiling. I drive to work thinking about how Zack teaches me what is important without even realizing it. I should be grateful that he is even able to walk into school this year, not worried that he has fallen a grade behind. I am interested in talking with all my kids at the end of the day to see how their first day back to school has been but I am particularly anxious for an update from Zack. He tells me he ate with his old friends at lunch and that they thought they were “cool or something because they were seniors but they are the same guys as always”. They laughed and goofed off just like they did as Freshman. He is in a new homeroom this year and most of his classes are with Juniors. Because he carried such a heavy class load as a Freshman (with the intent on taking college prep courses as a senior) we are fortunate that he has three study halls this year. He goes to English, then study hall, History and Bible and then directed study hall (a smaller class where Jalynn, part of the discovery department, can help them), algebra and then he ends his day with his tutor Carol Britton. We are counting on this schedule to help him insure success this year in school. Zack is confident that he will get good grades and his attitude and determination will go a long way getting him there. However the aphasia still presents a problem. Unlike elementary and middle school, where our school supplies lists are mailed our in advance, in high school the students go to class and write down what they need. Zack reads me what he wrote down. English: 3 text books, 100 folders, lots of paper. His list in each class is rather confusing but he insists that he knows what he needs to get. I decide to get 3 notebooks, 3 folders, 3 binders and lots of paper for each class and hope that is sufficient. I ask Zack if he will be embarrassed to ask his teachers if these items are right and he smiles at me and says, “Mom, I was wrecked. I am not embarrassed to ask them anything”.
Zack continues to attend a small group Wednesday night Bible study for high school and college students. Each night when he comes home he tells me what he learned. He always starts the same. “Mom, you know what I found out?” He talks to me about Job and how Jesus was Jewish (which he finds amazing). He listens and drinks in biblical knowledge like a new Christian. The scripture that he has studied since Kindergarten takes on new meaning since his accident. It is another of the blessings that God has given us. Zack hungers to learn about the God that saved him. He is still a typical teenager, interested in girls and music, but now he is interested in our opinions and what he can learn from the Bible. We don’t know what lies ahead. We know what will happen next week and maybe next month. But next year is a promise God granted us that remains unknown. We speculate, are hopeful but don’t quite dare to look that far ahead. We are grateful that time is in God’s hands and we continue to pray that He will be a lamp unto our feet, a light onto our path. Illuminating just enough to give us hope but keeping the future in the dark to make us lean on our faith. It is a posture that I have become comfortable with. One that I count on to keep me focused on just how blessed we are. I ask that you pray that our faith will continue to carry us through Zack’s complete recovery.

July 8, 2006 One year Anniversary

2006-07-08T20:26:00.000-04:00

July 8, 2006 Today is the one year anniversary of Zack’s accident. He was very excited this morning because we were going to visit University Hospital and Frazier Rehab. He had written a letter thanking his doctors, nurses and therapist for their role in giving his life back. We framed the letter along with a picture of Zack and delivered it this morning with a cake. He got to talk with several nurses in ICU at University that took care of him. He got to speak with Dr Densler by phone once we finally tracked him down. At Frazier we saw Mary Beth, Dr Calvery (his original psychologist) and a few nurses who were working on Saturday. Dr Calvery was the one that asked Zack what he did when he got frustrated and his answer was “I talk to God”. When she asked, “what does God say”, he responded “Stay the Course”. That has been our motto since. On the way downtown we drove by the accident site on Aiken Road so Zack could see our little surprise. Late last night Dylan and I nailed a sign that I had made to the tree next to the guardrail that came through the windshield and hit Zack’s head. Since I made the sign on canvas with permanent markers I hope it will be visible for a while. It reads, “Remember 7-5-05
Stay the Course”. Zack was delighted. After we left Frazier we went to visit my Mom in the hospital recovering from a hip replacement. I was hoping to introduce Zack to her nurse that I met yesterday. She had seen the picture my Mom had of Zack and asked about the accident. I spoke with her for a while about her faith (she is a member of Canaan Missionary Baptist Church). She asked me if Zack was my oldest child and reminded me that throughout history God has used “firstborn” sons many times to do His work. She told me to watch for God’s plan for Zack’s future. It reminded me of something Zack had told me last week. He has been attending a Wednesday night Bible study for high school and college students. After their last meeting he called me and said, “Mom you know what I found out. That Jesus does bigger things through people who were bad. That’s me Mom. He can do great things through me!” What a revelation. I hung up with tears running down my cheeks, full of gratitude that God is revealing His will to Zack through scripture. Zack has an innocent wisdom. He shares his thoughts and feeling freely. Recently he went to the movies with some friends and saw the movie “Click”. The movie revolves around a character that is able to fast forward through periods of his life. We took his friends home and as soon as they were out of the car Zack told me of a scene in the movie that moved him. He said the character went forward in time and missed his Dad’s funeral. He explained that the guy didn’t really like his Dad but he was sad that his Dad had died. Then he looked at me so genuinely and said, “I love you Mom. I would really miss you if you died.” It is not easy driving when your eyes are clouded with tears. I treated Zack to lunch today at PF Changs in celebration of his “wreck anniversary”. As the waiter took our order and I asked about a dish he told me it was good if I liked garlic. Since we were splitting an entrée he also looked at Zack and asked him if he liked garlic. Zack replied “What is garlic?” The waiter laughed, looked at him strangely and asked how old he was. Zack didn’t seem embarrassed but I felt obligated to explain. I pulled out a photo and told the waiter that Zack had been in an accident and because of his brain injury he can’t always remember what things are called (aphasia). He was stunned and told me that he had been my waiter on another evening, months ago at Bahama Breeze. It was the first day that my friends had gotten me away from Frazier (Scott stayed with Zack) and took me to dinner. Steve was our waiter that night and had heard the story of Zack’s accident. He had seen the article in the Southeast Outlook and was moved through our ordeal. He never forgot it and now here we were on the anniversary and he was our waiter. He asked if he could share our story with others and told several people at other tables. He doted on us and when it was time to pay the bill he told me “See your story has touched other people as well”. We were quite surprised that the restaurant had picked up our check. We gave Steve a picture and copy of the letter that Zack had written to his friends. Earlier we had also delivered a copy of the letter to Nicole (one of the girls in the accident with Zack). I had called to get their address and her Dad said Nicole was having a rough time. The accident was too painful a memory for her to deal with so she just pretends it never happened. I promised her Dad we would hand deliver the letter so Zack could talk with her. She was glad to see Zack doing so well and moved that we cared enough to come see her. We pray that Zack’s letter will impact not just Nicole and his friends but the many teenagers who struggle with the pressures and temptations of living in our fallen world. I think it appropriate for Zack to end this posting with the letter written in his own words. May you be humbled by God’s mercy and inspired by His awesome power revealed in these words:

To all my Friends

I thank you all so much. When I was in the hospital you all were there for me everyday. You all cried all the time and prayed for me, which is the best thing that you could have done. While I was in the hospital, my Mom was trying to have me talk. I couldn’t but I could type on her laptop. The first thing I typed was something that all of you should remember. I typed the words “Zack is the only way to show you”. When I said that, it basically meant that I got in a serious car wreck and survived. Ever since the wreck I have gotten away from the rather bad things that I use to do and I am much closer to God. The wreck could have happened to anyone else and still might occur, so please don’t let the lesson God taught me be lost on you. I like every one of you and I want everything to work out in your lives. Just do the right things and you will have a good life now and an awesome one when you see Jesus in heaven. My faith in God has gotten me to do the right things and has gotten me away from getting screwed with my parents when they find out I did the wrong thing. The wreck was terrible. I still have aphasia, which makes me say the wrong words and not remember the word that I want to say. I also read slowly and have a blind spot in the side of my right eye, which makes me have to look over to the right side all the time when I am driving. I don’t want any of you to get in a wreck like I did and suffer from these conditions also. I thank you all so much for your prayers because that is probably the reason that I am alive today. I have gotten much closer to God and I am wishing the best for you. Be Christians and “Stay the Course”.

Your good buddy,

Zack

Sunday June 18, 2006

2006-06-18T20:42:00.000-04:00

Sunday June 18, 2006 Zack wrote his Dad a letter for Father’s Day telling him how much he appreciated how Scott was always there for him in the hospital after the wreck. He said “you set a beginning for my whole life”, “have told me very good Christian things to do”, I want to end up being like you when I grow up” and “help me when I am picking a wife”. It was the best present he could have given Scott and we feel very lucky to have Zack with us. It doesn’t take much for us to remember how terrified we were less than a year ago, wondering if Zack would live or die. We experience blessings everyday when we see him able to ordinary things that one time we thought would be impossible. Saturday he participated in Rollin’ on the River, a fundraiser for the Brain Injury Association of KY. He was awarded a gift certificate for lunch at Primo Restaurant for raising the most amount of money $1690. His name went into a drawing for the Grand Prize and everyone was elated when he won the Madone 5.2 Bicycle (the same one Lance Armstrong won his last Tour de France). He ran 5 miles in 45 minutes with Amy, his physical therapist from Frazier Rehab. She was amazed that he was able to push himself so hard and then eat 4 pieces of pizza after the run. I met several people associated with the organization that didn’t know me but knew all about Zack. We have committed to be more involved so we can help others going through similar experiences with brain injury.
About a week ago I received a phone call from Lisa Hobbs (her son Addison was on Zack’s baseball team and they have gone to Christian Academy together for years). A friend of their family had been in a car accident and was seriously injured. Whitney was 16 and suffered a traumatic brain injury (among other things) similar to Zack. Lisa asked if I would speak to Whitney’s Mom about where to send her daughter when she was released from the hospital. The next day I met her Mom and Grandmother at Frazier Rehab after they had toured the nursing home where the hospital wanted to send Whitney. I showed them Zack’s photo album and shared his story of miraculous recovery. We discussed therapy and medication and they got to speak with Mary Beth (Zack’s occupational therapist). It was heartwarming for me to be able to comfort another mother who felt inadequate as she struggled with decisions on how to help her daughter. I felt an instant bond with Whitney, her mother and grandmother and know that Zack will be anxious to meet them as well.
Zachary is one special child of God, touched by His healing hand, which continues to “guide him on paths of righteousness for His namesake”. We are still breathing Psalm 23 although now we are out of the “Shadow of Death” and the “anoint my head with oil” has taken place by proxy in the hands of a surgeon. God has carried Zack very far these last 11 months but we know He is not through with him. The deficits that Zack still deals with every day may not completely disappear but we are comforted in the consolation of the new spiritual soul that has developed. God has given Zack an attitude of gratitude and the ability to recognize his deficits and not be too frustrated by them. He can laugh at himself when he uses the wrong words for things (yes the aphasia is still with us). He
circles the words that he doesn’t understand in his daily reading and that is when we really see the impact of his injury. Words like persuasive, elaborate, consolation, literary, solidarity hoax and reconcile make reading difficult for this one-time Honors English student. Reading is still much slower than it used to be but he is determined to work at it every day. His short term memory still suffers. He can’t remember people’s names or to take his pill (Excelon, a memory drug given to Alzheimer’s patients, which is the only one he takes now) but thanks me when I remind him. He has jumped into the pool twice this month with his cell phone in his pocket (Scott has done a great job with getting sympathy from Sprint). Like every teenager his cell phone is one of his prized possessions so he determined on his own that it would be safer in his backpack instead of his pocket. One of the deficits that we know he will live with the rest of his life is the “field cut” in his vision. Vision therapy has made him aware of the “blind spot” and taught him how to compensate for it but there are still times when it impacts him severely. A few days ago he was driving with me (he always grabs my keys and gets behind the wheel) and narrowly missed hitting a car parked on the right side of the road (his filed cut is on the right). He explained he didn’t see it until I started screaming. He pulled over and we switched seats as I reminded him he had to focus on the right side to move things out of his blind spot. I felt like I could throw up, not just because we nearly had an accident, but because I know it will always be an issue for him. There is no surgery or glasses that can correct his field cut, he just has to practice focusing to the right. We decided to get a picture of something (Zack suggested a pretty girl) and tape it to the windshield on the right so he would be reminded to focus there. I hope to be able to continue more vision therapy once the insurance issues get straightened out. He apologized profusely for “his bad driving day” and once my stomach settled down we switched places again (you have to get back on the horse that throws you). I don’t get mad at him, he can’t help it. I sometimes feel sorry for him but never voice those concerns. Zack has a great attitude about it all. He tells me I should buy his new eyes and when I explain that there is nothing wrong with his eyes, it is in his brain, he laughs and tells me to get him a new brain. Of course we would never do that even if we could. We weigh the options and feel lucky. An imperfect brain…a renewed heart for God. Visual difficulties…a spiritual revival. Wayward…redeemed. We know that one day God will restore Zack fully. It may not be this side of heaven but it will surely happen to His glory! Please continue to pray for complete recovery.

Thursday May 31, 2006

2006-06-01T09:40:00.000-04:00

Wednesday May 31, 2006 Zack has made remarkable progress the last 7 months. He started outpatient therapy at Frazier East on October 10th of last year. At that time he was barely reading at a Kinde3rgarden level and struggling every minute with aphasia (the ability to recall the names of very common objectws). I can remember asking him to name three vegetables and he couldn’t name even one. He had just as much difficulty recalling the names of everyone including his friends. Reading comprehension was out of grasp. Now he is reading at a high school level although his comprehension is better with 6th grade material. He has developed his own unique ways of remember words or describing what word he is trying to recall. In every area he has improved drastically, faster than anyone expected and with a positive attitude. We never experienced any depression but chose to keep him on Lexapro while he was in school (even though it was only 3 days a week) just in case he got overwhelmed. His last day at Christian Academy was Thursday (he was delighted that he didn’t have to take any finals). His last day on Lexapro was Friday May 26th. He was on the lowest dose but we will still monitor his behavior for signs of frustration. In many ways he is a typical teenage boy. Noticing every cool car and pointing out the ones he feels are acceptable for his first car. Always listening to music (even though his taste in music has greatly expanded) and constantly on the lookout for “clean females” (pretty girls). The hormones definitely haven’t been affected by his brain injury because in every situation he is pointing out the good-looking ladies and is not shy about talking to them (or asking for a phone number). Today we met with Dr Perri (psychologist) and Leslie (speech therapy) to plan out Zack’s summer. It is important to his continued recovery for him to remain cognitively active through summer and to insure he will be ready for school in the fall. I arrived slightly earlier than expected and found everyone (staff and patients) in the community room having a little party for Zack. They had made him a card, which everyone had written a personal note. One patient wrote “ meeting you opened my mind to what I can achieve”. The blackboard said “Good Luck Zack” and they were celebrating with a cookie cake. Zack was surprised and I was humbled to see how fond everyone was of him. Many had signed his sponsorship form and donated to the “Rollin’ on the River” event to benefit the Brain Injury Association of KY (BIAK). He was quite pleased with the money he had collected with the promise to run 5 miles. After everyone had left we met with Dr Perri and Leslie who reiterated just how much progress Zack had made, how determined he was and how his positive attitude made him a pleasure to work with (it didn’t hurt that he was also funny and quite entertaining). We discussed that Zack needed to continue to work on his language deficit, which is really the only obstacle left for him to conquer. This would encompass reading, comprehension, speaking and writing. Carol Britton (Christian Academy tutor) has put together a summer program for him that involves him reading daily (including 10 minutes out loud) and writing short summaries (about 10 sentences) three times a week. He would also continue Rhythmic Writing and complete an algebra worksheet weekly. Carol has also agreed to continue to work with Zack one-on-one during the summer (thankfully I won’t have to check that algebra sheet). Leslie would like to continue to work with Zack but logistically it becomes difficult to carve out only two hours, twice a week and she agrees that we have put together a pretty full program with Carol. Frankly she told us that she would miss Zack and although she is delighted with his improvements she hates to see him go. Dr Perri has become a friend to Zack and they talk about everything. He would like to monitor his withdraw from the Lexapro but agrees that we are capable of detecting changes in his emotional state. It is clear that they would like to see him continue outpatient therapy but also obvious that it is time to see if Zack can handle this next phase of recovery without them. He reminded them that he was a great student prior to his accident and is serious about getting good grades in school so he intends to keep working hard through the summer. We discussed that brain injuries and learning disabilities are different. Typically someone with a learning disability always has that deficit but with brain injury you are constantly changing as you recover. The key is to adapt our summer program, the ways we have him read and write, to his changing cognitive ability. Dr. Perri told us that the IEP (Individual Education Plan) would also have to be updated quarterly once Zack was back in school for the same reason. We lingered making small talk and it was obvious that no one wanted to say good-bye. Zack promised he would be back for visits and have lunch with them. He took a picture of the two of them on his cell phone, we all hugged and he walked out the door…a graduate of Frazier East. Zack felt very liberated, another milestone reached. Zack has been in therapy a long time and is anxious to “let summer be summer”. He fully understands the importance of staying with the program that Carol developed so he can be ready for school. We had our review with Dr Weinberg (Vision therapy) Wednesday May 17th. He explained that many of Zack’s vision deficits had disappeared and the remaining issues had improved drastically. He would also like to work with Zack through the summer because he thinks he could continue to help him but we have to get insurance issues straightened out. Zack’s field cut (blind spot) is more apparent now that he is driving. He has to train himself to focus on the right side, shift his eyes in that direction, in order to see what is in his blind spot. Continuing with vision therapy will help with retraining his brain to take in information in that area. However, until the insurance issues get straightened out we are taking a break from vision therapy.
Our interview on Wave 3 News at 6:00 with Carol Britton last Friday did not go as planned. Wave failed to communicate with those involved that we were coming so we ended up being interviewed by Kevin Harnett after he did the weather at 7:00. He didn’t know much about why we were there so unless you were paying attention (and didn’t sneeze) you would have missed the whole thing. It wasn’t a wasted trip for us however. We had planned that while downtown we would stop in a Frazier Rehab and drop off one of the Rollin’ on the River Sponsorship Forms so that the therapist and nursing staff could support Zack. As we talked with the aides at the nurses station there was a man there listening. He asked me questions and was very interested in Zack. It turns out he was the father of a 3 year old little boy who was in a car accident. In addition to a brain injury he had a broken pelvis and swollen spinal cord in his neck. He had been in a coma for a week at the hospital in Tennessee where they are from. His Dad fought to get him to Frazier for therapy once he was stable. They have no family or friends here and didn’t know what to expect as he recovered. Zack was a great encouragement. We explained how badly Zack had been hurt and how quickly he had recovered. Zack told the boy’s father that it had only been a short time since they had been at Frazier and he was sure his son would be OK. He asked him if he believed in God and told him to pray and his son would get better. We invited him to church on Sunday, gave our phone number and promised to come back frequently to visit them. Saturday night Zack asked me if he had called about going to church and that was the first question he asked again Sunday morning. Ten minutes later Fue (he is Hawaiian) called and we made arrangements to pick him up. I knew that he would be overwhelmed at the size of Southeast Christian Church and a bit uncomfortable since all he had was jeans and a t-shirt. I told him that it didn’t matter and we were delighted that he was with us. We arrived early enough to give him a tour of the new Media Center where we ran into Dave Stone. He asked who our friend was and we explained the situation with his son. Dave told me to be sure to put him on the hospital visiting list As we proceeded to the sanctuary we introduced Fue to many others who promised to pray for his son. After the service Scott and Zack took him to lunch before taking him back to the hospital. Scott talked with him for a long time about his background and his faith (he became a Christian 4 years ago). We feel blessed to be able to help his family while they travel a road that we know very well. Although his son’s brain injury is not nearly as bad as Zack’s was, they do not have the support of family and friends here. Zack said he “loves that little boy” and we will be sure to encourage them and provide the information on recovery through our experience. Ironically his son “Alex” has the same team (Dr Mook, Mary Beth and Amy) that Zack had while he was there. We ask that you pray for Alex and Fue that they will receive the peace that passes all understanding through faith that God is the great physician. Helping other patients that are going through the same experience that we did is the mission field God has placed us in. Zack always wants to go to Frazier Rehab and University Hospital and see if there is anyone there who “needs him”. He is never shy about asking if they believe in God and usually brings up the subject of prayer before I do. He wants to give back and says it makes him feel good to help other patients.
We step into the next phase of his recovery. Working without Leslie or Dr Perri to fall back on. Maintaining a positive attitude without the aid of an anti-depressant. Being an encouragement to other patients. We will listen for God’s direction and cling to the promise in scripture that He will be a light onto our path. We ask that you continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery so he can be an encouragement to others for the Glory of God!

Note: Come cheer Zack on June 17th at the Rollin’ on the River Event to benefit the BIAK (more info to follow).

Sunday May 21, 2006

2006-05-21T19:29:00.000-04:00

Sunday May 21, 2006 Zack joined me for a meeting on Thursday May 12th with Carol Britton (his tutor) and the Christian Academy (CAL) administration to discuss plans for next school year. Carol explained that Zack had really come far with her in the last three months. Mrs. Rafla (H.S. Principal) complemented him on his attitude. She said everyone recognized how hard he was working and that was a good sign of how successful he would be next year. They asked Zack what he felt was his biggest concern and he told them reading was still very hard. He has to really concentrate in order to comprehend what he is reading and he recognizes that it is more difficult than before. We talked about school in general and then Mrs. Rafla told us that Christian Academy was asked by the School Board to report on what area they had excelled in this past school year. The CAL administration had discussed it and decided that their area of biggest success was Zack. They were proud of how the students had responded to Zack’s accident, organizing a fundraiser to raise money for our family and embracing him when he finally returned to school. There are many cases were students return to school after a traumatic brain injury and feel ostracized by their peers. Not Zack…they welcomed him like family. The staff also came together and developed an educational program to fit his needs and put together a team, with Carol as his tutor, to insure his success. Mr. Greener (supervisor of academics) will present Zack’s story, the accident, his recovery and return to school to the School Board as their greatest successful this past year. We are proud of how hard Zack has worked but also honored that we gave CAL an opportunity to show what it means to meet the needs of every student. They are an example of how Christian education takes prayer out of the classroom and lives it… makes it tangible to the world. As I left I ran into several teachers and parents who told me how amazed they were that Zack was doing so well. One teacher told me that she knew we were trying to get Zack more involved with the current sophomore class, since he would be with them next year, and she had notice a difference the past few weeks. Zack was pulling away from the juniors he usually hung out with in the halls before school. She said she was used to seeing him hanging with Trey and William, listening to his DVD player. But lately he has been sitting by himself in the morning, reading his Bible. She said that had to be a huge testimony to students who knew him before the accident and now see him studying God’s word. Another blessing.
On Saturday before Mother’s Day, I asked Zack to help me paint the den at my Mom’s house. She is 88 years old and needing another hip replacement (her 5th) and I thought that painting for her would be a better present than more flowers or candy. My sister had gone over during the week and stripped the wallpaper from the room and told us that she had washed the adhesive off two walls. Zack and I started by washing the other two walls and then began to paint. We were 1/3 through with the first wall when I noticed all the paint was balling up and realized my sister didn’t do as good a job at removing the adhesive as we thought. Now Zack and I had to wash the paint off the wall and continuing scrubbing the rest. It was a much bigger task than I had planned and at times I would get very frustrated and throw a little fit. Zack would hug me and say, “It’s going to be alright Mom. We can do this.” At about 6:00 PM he said we weren’t going to be done any time soon so he probably wasn’t going to be able to go to the movies as he had planned. It took us 7 hours to paint one small room. He never complained, he made me laugh repeatedly at times when I would have normally cried (or screamed). My Mom made us pie and we played cards with her until midnight. I told Zack that was the best thing he could have given me for Mother’s Day. On Sunday I went back to Mom’s to celebrate with the rest of the family. Scott had cooked dinner and had it ready when I got home. He told me to sit down and relax that the kids would clean up the dishes. It wasn’t long before I heard Dylan complaining that Logan wasn’t helping and then he and Kyle were fighting. One by one they disappeared…all except for Zack. He washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen by himself. Then he came in the living room to give me a back rub and said Happy Mothers Day. All of my kids gave me cards but Zack wrote a letter. He thanked me for being there for him in the hospital and taking care of him. He said he heard that I fought with the doctors so that they would do the right thing and he loves me for helping him get better. This is what I was thinking about when we listened to speeches at the Brain Injury Association of Ky. (BIAK) Awards Banquet a few days later. Zack and I were there along with other survivors, their friends and family. A flow of tears ran down my face as several victims of brain injury spoke. Their deficits were obvious and Zack injuries seemed trivial by comparison. Zack looked at me puzzled as I cried while strangers spoke, but I was struck by how blessed we are. After the ceremony I spoke to Mary Haas, a volunteer with BIAK, and she told me about people that called her after Zack’s accident asking her to help us. Even a Senator who heard our story called and asked the organization what they could do. She said we will never know how many people were praying for us or how many lives our story touched. I left there feeling extremely grateful and strangely unworthy. I kept asking myself why God would chose to heal Zack. Then I remembered the hundreds of people that prayed for him every day, asking God to heal him. God was listening. He bends over to hear our prayers. Scripture tells us that He “inclines His ear to us” and He answers our prayers.
“In His love…He redeemed them, and He lifted them and carried them.” Isaiah 63:9
When we get in the car Zack tells me that some of those people are “still really messed up” and their accident was long before his. I tell him that was why I was crying, feeling so blessed and wondering what God has in store for him. He was quiet and then said “I’m thinking about that too”. We still have many hurdles to overcome but they seem so insignificant in the big picture. He struggles to read…so do millions of other people with no brain injury. His memory is weak…mine is not as good as it use to be either. Scott took Zack to the field where Christian Academy played Trinity his last baseball season. Zack remembered what uniforms they wore, who rode in the car with us and where we went to eat after the game. He doesn’t remember pitching but he remembered being very excited after the game that they won. He remembered the “feelings” and that’s the best part any way. His memory might not be so great but his feelings are sharper than ever and he expresses them often. What the accident took away God replaced with something better…sincerity, gratitude, contentment, kindness, compassion, faithfulness and hope. He changed our path, set it straight. We are so blessed. Zack has come so far and is continuing to improve. We are thankful for the many prayers on his behalf. We ask that you continue to pray for his complete recovery because we believe God is listening. His answer will be to His glory.
Psalm 142:3 “When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path”.
Jeremiah 31:9 “I will make them walk by streams of water,on a straight path in which they will not stumble”.

Sidenote: Zack and several other students will be with Carol Britton on the 6:00
News Friday May 26th on Wave 3

Wednesday May 10, 2006

2006-05-10T21:20:00.000-04:00

Wednesday May 10, 2006 We have been really busy through Derby Week. Scott’s parents live on the river at Waldoah Beach. Every year they have a “Boat Race Party” and this year was going to be special. Scott’s brother Jay came in from Florida and he hadn’t seen Zack in many months. They had hired a great band and we were anxious to have Zack with us and see how much he remembered. Dylan and the girls were excited because the weather turned out to be perfect. Our neighbors the Getz’s arrived and Zack went off with Michael in search of “females”. Once Brooke Willoughby and her parents arrived and the band got going Zack was dancing. Before the accident he would have never danced to Country music and certainly not with his Mom and his sisters. We had a great time and Zack entertained us all. On Saturday we went to a Derby party with our friends the Jaha’s. They took their daughter Michelle (18) and we took Zack. There were a lot of people there, a band and great food but not the type of party Zack generally would have enjoyed. Before the accident, if we could have managed to drag him there, he wouldn’t have talked to any of “those strange adults”, would have spent the entire time on his cell phone and asking when he could leave. Instead, he enjoyed listening to Tom, an elderly gentleman from Boston, tell stories and flirt with the ladies. Ironically we ran into Dr Miller, who took care of Zack when he lived at Frazier Rehab. He hadn’t seen Zack since January (when he was there for his Nuero Pysch Eval) and they enjoyed catching up. He got into the excitement with the rest of the crowd when the Derby race was run and didn’t start asking when we were leaving until the weather turned chilly (we were outside). Sunday afternoon, Zack was invited to a surprise 16th birthday party for his friend Allie at Lucky Strike on 4th Street Live. We arrived downtown a little early and Zack asked if we could stop in and see who was working at Frazier Rehab. We got a little lost since they have completely remodeled the Nuero Rehab Unit but finally made it to the pediatric wing on the 8th floor. Shirley was at the central nurses’ station and recognized Zack immediately. When Zack had “right side neglect” and his chin lay on his chest, Shirley was the only one he would listen to when she said “hold your head up”. We also saw Mary Beth (O.T.) who was always one of Zack’s favorite therapist. As we were leaving Zack commented that he liked coming there and seeing “all those people that helped me out”. If we had more time he would have liked to talk to some of the patients but
he was anxious to get to his party and bowl.
I let Zack drive home from downtown which was his longest trip on the freeway as a new driver. He still has a “field cut” on the right side of his line of vision. He pointed out that he “couldn’t see that car unless he moved his head about an inch”. It is a scary to think of him driving but then I realized that vision therapy has taught him how to compensate for his field cut. Remember, this isn’t a blank spot or a black hole. He has 20/20 eyesight but his brain just doesn’t perceive the visual information in that area. Instead his brain fills in what logically should be there or remembers what was there at last glance. It requires him to scan his surroundings more frequently and pay closer attention when driving. He is a very good driver (and gets lots of practice, like every time he is in the car with me). After vision therapy today we went to the mall to pick out his tux for the Junior prom. He asked my opinion but had definite ideas of what he wanted. I let him drive on the way home and before I knew it we were in rush hour traffic on 64 in the pouring down rain. I was quite nervous and explained that he had to leave more space than usual between us and the car in front of him, drive slower and keep both hands on the wheel. Any parent of a teenager knows what a nail biting experience we faced but Zack handled my anxious instructions very politely. He even laughed when we drove out of the rain and I released my foot off of an imaginary brake. As he merged from 64 onto Gene Snyder (a tricky spot for anyone) he told me “I had to drive my best for you Mom ‘cause you just got my tux”. We are so very blessed. I enjoy every moment I spend with him, not just because he is alive…thank the Lord…but because he is so pleasant to be around. We have deep conversations about many different topics (today it was abortion and the Holocaust) and he genuinely wants to know what I think and why I feel that way. He is not a selfish teenager only interested in his own opinions. He listens and then tells me what he thinks. He thanks me for explaining things to him and I marvel at his enlightenments. Sunday after church as we were walking to the car he said he had been thinking about something that he wanted to tell me. He said, “I think I know why God made it different times across the world. Because not everyone would be sleeping at the same time and there would always be someone praying. God likes that”. I never thought of it that way. As adults we accept the fact that the earth is revolving around the sun and therefore it is daylight at different times across the world. But did you ever think about why God designed it that way. Being God he could have designed it so that the entire populated world would rest (in darkness) at the same time but we don’t. I like Zack’s theory that God always wants someone awake praying…worshipping Him. I am so thankful that Zack is here to teach me.
I spoke at Trinity High School today for a class of Juniors and Seniors. There were several guys there that knew Zack from baseball or church. They had been studying drug and alcohol abuse and I was asked to speak about the consequences of your choices. They were very attentive and I noticed many of them viewed that little piece of blue jean or sweatshirt that I handed them when they walked in
a little differently when we were through. Dr Striegel hopes to have both Zack and I speak at the general assembly when school resumes in the Fall. I left them with this website address and hope a few will read it and post a message. After dinner tonight Zack and I were reading the posters mailed to him from the 8th graders at Barret Middle School. Each student had written something to Zack on one of three posters that were headed “We have Faith in You”. Some of the messages seemed so personal like they knew him. Zack was pleased and as we read them would say “Do they know me?” “Are my people on there?” I received a package of handwritten letters, thanking me for coming to speak to them, telling me what they learned, many of them promising to pray for our family. I cried as a read them knowing that God designed all of this. That His hand has been masterfully orchestrating this time of our lives. How he can turn the most tragic experience into a wonderful teaching testimony of His power. How he can take the darkest moment, make you dwell there just long enough so that when he brings you into the dawn His light shines so brilliant you can’t ignore it. It is only through these moments that we can come to understand His mercy, His grace, His wisdom and His unfailing love. I ask for your prayers for all those hurting who don’t know the shelter of God’s love. I ask for your prayers for those people who think they have it all and yet don’t know the love of God. Since our journey has just begun I still ask for your prayers for Zack’s complete recovery for the Glory of God!
Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right
hand".

Monday April 24, 2006

2006-04-25T00:02:00.000-04:00

Monday April 24, 2006 Zack has been enjoying being back to school three days a week now that Spring Break is over. It allows him to have more continuity in his classes as well as more time to socialize with his friends. He is working with Carol Britton (his tutor) for four periods each day he is at school so they have really gotten close. She continues helping him to build new neuro pathways in his brain through Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment. She also works on reading comprehension and creative writing, all in preparation for his return in the fall. His is doing very well in computer and completes his Bible homework by himself. Currently he says they are working on “easy stuff” in Honors Algebra II that he had already learned last year. When I asked him if he remembered it he says yes but I need to get further feedback from his teacher. He continues therapy at Frazier East on Wed and Fridays. Leslie (speech therapist) also works with him on reading comprehension and vocabulary. We are still dealing with the aphasia although we see subtle improvements each week. Leslie is very pleased with the progress he has made in reading. Although he is not at his grade level she is amazed at how far he has come since January. She wants to challenge him this summer with more difficult reading of current affairs through magazines like Time or Newsweek. We have suggested instead something like World Magazine that come at current affairs from a Christian perspective. It will be interesting to see the discussions that develop from the articles they read together. Last week Zack called me and said he just read an article about a mother that killed her four children. He said, “Don’t even think about it”. I laughed and he said goodbye. I always look forward to his calls because I never know what he is going to say. Zack enjoys the sessions he has with Dr Perri (psychologist) especially when they go out to lunch. I am sure that eventually Dr Perri will be involved in discussions of current affairs that Zack is reading. Dr Perri is interested in seeing Zack continue to speak to other teenagers about making good choices but he would also like us to get more involved in the Brain Injury Association.
Zack is realizing through conversations with his Dad and I that he needs to start making new friends in the current sophomore class. He is still socializing with Andrew, Trey and Robbie at school and they were all over to our house playing basketball last week but he recognizes that they will graduate a year ahead of him now and he needs to develop other friendships with the students that he will graduate with. We are in a unique position with Zack right now in that he actually listens to us and acts on our advice. He called Addison, a sophomore from his baseball team, and made plans to hang out. He also asked his good friend Brooke Willoughby (another sophomore) to the prom. We are able to talk with him about things going on in his life and he speaks honestly about the choices he made in the past. He values our opinions and will actually come out and ask us what we think. What a blessing God has given us. He may have severed some neurological pathways but he opened up new lines of communication. We know Zack much better through these last nine months than we did before the accident. He enjoys spending time with us in a way he never did before. This past Friday we celebrated Logan’s (Zack’s little sister) 7th birthday with a slumber party. Dylan made arrangements to be out of the house and Scott was taking Kyle to his Mom’s. When Zack’s plans fell through Scott came back and picked him up. They went to dinner, played pool on Fourth Street Live and went bowling. They really had a good time and Zack enjoyed it as much as Scott. By the time they came home at 11:00 pm I was just getting Logan and her friends to settle down and go to sleep (and frankly was a little jealous that Scott got to have a fun, “adult” evening with Zack). Sunday evening we went to a cookout with Dylan’s football team at his coach, Dan English house. Many parents there got to see Zack for the first time since he came home from the hospital and were amazed at his progress. These are the same people that diligently prayed for his recovery. Prior to his accident Zack would have come up with a hundred excuses to get out of going to that cookout. It was good for Dylan to know that his big brother cared enough to come (Dylan certainly attended enough sporting events of Zack’s in the past). Zack even took Logan for a walk and came back carrying her on his shoulders. Most people that meet Zack see a healthy, attractive, friendly teenager but realize how special he is when they get to talk with him. I hope that as he continues to recover he doesn’t lose that special sweetness we’ve discovered. Please pray for unique opportunities for Zack to share his faith, whether speaking to other teenagers or discussions of current affairs. Continue praying for complete recovery for the Glory of God!
Side note: Trinity has changed the date that we will speak to May 10th at 3:00 pm for those that wish to attend.

Wednesday April 12, 2006

2006-04-12T20:29:00.000-04:00

Wednesday April 12, 2006 We had a great time on Spring Break in Hilton Head. Scott’s parents own a condo there and we have been going to Hilton Head for many years. Scott and Zack have played a lot of the golf courses but prior to our trip Zack said he didn’t remember playing golf with his Dad and didn’t remember the ocean. Once we got there and took a walk on the beach many memories of Hilton Head came flooding back to him. He remembered the year that Kyle cut her foot on a shell the first day and we had to go to the emergency room for stitches. He also remembered golfing with his Dad once they got on the green. We are finding now that all he needs to retrieve some of those lost long term memories is to return to the place where they happened. Of course the Exelon medication could be a contributing factor as well as time. When we first arrived in Hilton Head and went walking to the pool Zack asked me if I thought he would remember how to swim. I told him I didn’t know for sure but I felt like it was one of those things that you just don’t forget. He was never much interested in getting in the pool anyway because he wanted to work on his tan but he did make sure he could still swim. The first day they played golf I rented bikes with Dylan and the girls and we went riding for 6 hours. I didn’t feel too bad (except for my bottom) so the next morning when Zack wanted me to run on the beach with him I was ready. We ran about 3 miles and it wasn’t until several hours later that my knees were killing me. By 5:00 I could hardly make it up the stairs to our condo, so the rest of the week Zack had to run by himself. We still had a wonderful time, a much needed rest for our entire family.
Since most of our time with Zack is in a social setting we don’t see a lot of aphasia presented (like they would in therapy or school). We are usually talking about things that he is familiar with and knows the names of, but he still has a lot of problems with food for some reason. When I was making the grocery list out and asked him what he wanted he said “those things that are really good for you that I like to eat”. It took a few more questions and his answers of “I get them out of the refrigerator and they’re round” for me to figure out he meant grapes. Fortunately he doesn’t get frustrated and in fact we all laugh about it. It happened again when we stopped on the way home at Subway and ordered sandwiches. I told Zack to tell the girl what he wanted on his sandwich and he said what ever I got was fine. When I pressed him to make his own sandwich he looked at me and said “How am I supposed to know what all those things are called?” He doesn’t seem to get embarrassed by it. He just accepts it much the same way he accepts the fact he doesn’t read as well since the accident. I don’t really care that he has some problems identifying food because he is so appreciative of things he took for granted before and is much more sensitive to the feelings of others. He thanked Scott and I both several times for taking him on vacation. When I was tired and stressed from unpacking and doing the laundry once we got home, Zack came up and gave me a hug and said he would help me. He is different, not like the teenager he was before. He even likes different music. He used to listen to only rap. Now he enjoys country, old rock and roll and love songs. Lindsey gave him a CD of Harry Connick Jr. and he listens to it every day while he runs (not the choice of most teenage boys these days).
He is still interested in speaking to other teenagers with me. He likes to watch the reactions on their faces while they listen to me tell about his accident. He wants to see if anyone cries because he says that means they know what I’m saying is important. I spoke yesterday at Barrett Middle School to the 8th grade class. There were about 200 students who were very attentive and asked good questions. It was the kick off to a week of festivities for them that lead up to graduation. Their counselor thanked me for delivering an inspirational message that was greatly needed at this time in their lives. I was thankful that even though this is a public school they did not ask me to remove any references to God or prayer or even the scripture I quote. Although this is a message of how choices impact your life, it doesn’t have the same meaning without explaining how God was in control. Zack didn’t go with me because he was just getting back into the rhythm of school after Spring Break and he also had not been practicing his speech. He will speak with me at Trinity High School on April 26th, so he will start rehearsing again.
I talked to him about adding more to his speech so he could start talking longer but he says it is hard enough remembering what he has to say already. Dr Perri has volunteered to work with Zack and help us gradually increase his portion of the speech. This is in preparation (I pray) for the day he will speak alone (or at least have more to say than I do). I have faith that Zack can do it and God will bless his efforts. Zack has a message for so many teenagers and hidden within his words will be the greatness of our God! Pray that Zack’s enthusiasm and determination will overcome his weakness of memorizing. Pray that God will continue to heal him and use him to proclaim His awesome power. Pray for complete recovery.
Deut 32:1 Listen O heavens, and I will speak, hear O earth the words of my mouth.

April 10, 2006 Photo identification

2006-04-10T22:24:00.000-04:00

Sorry that I couldn't post headings with the pictures but just getting them posted was beyond my technical abilities. Here is a short list of each photo:
1) Andrew Raines, his Dad Andy, Scott and Zack at the Brain Injury Bowling Bash
2) Zack, Andrew, Trey and I (far left) at Nashville concert with the Barlow Girls
3) Zack right before Thanksgiving as taken by a photographer of the Outlook
4) Zack's first day back at school Feb 28th Christian Academy
5) Zack with Carol Britton (his tutor at CAL) at the Easter Pageant
6) Zack worships
7) Zack with Dani and Ashley, his dates for Male HS Homecoming
8) Zack and Scott as soldiers in the Easter Pageant
9) Zack and his best buddy Rick Thompson
10) "Behold I make all things New" a testimony to God's awesome healing power
this pictures says it all...what Zack looked like the day after his accident
and his recovery less than 4 months later

Behold I Make All Things New

2006-03-31T22:59:00.000-04:00

New Photos of Zack

2006-03-31T22:46:00.000-04:00

Friday march 30, 2006

2006-03-31T22:38:00.000-04:00

Friday March 31, 2006 Zack’s last week with the Easter Pageant has been an exciting one. Dr. Mook from Frazier Rehab came to see him in the pageant on Wednesday and Mary Beth (Occupational Therapist) and Amy (Physical Therapist) also from Frazier Rehab came to see him last night. Zack was so excited to see them and we were able to get new pictures (quite different from the ones we took with them when he was in the hospital). Dr Mook is a deacon at Shively Baptist Church and he will make arrangements for us to speak there one Sunday night. Mary Beth also talked to Zack about us coming back to Frazier Rehab to talk with other families who are currently dealing with brain injuries. Zack enjoys going to see patients at University Hospital and Frazier as much as he likes speaking to other teenagers about his journey. He told me earlier this week that he is glad that he got in the accident, not that he wanted to die (he made that very clear) but because it has made him a better person. He says he prays more and doesn’t want to disappoint God by doing bad things like smoking or sneaking out. He is so different to be around now. If we go to an appointment somewhere and have to sit in the waiting room he always wants to talk. Before he was like any teenage boy and had very little to say to adults. He also loves babies and toddlers, always going up to talk to them. I think he would make a great youth counselor.
We had an exciting day Monday when I took Zack to get his drivers permit at 8:00 AM. He was very excited and told me he prayed most of the night that he would pass. He told Scott and I to be praying for him while he was taking the test. He passed with flying colors and was showing everyone at Frazier East his new permit. Scott picked him up after therapy and took him driving. When I got home from work Zack wanted to show me how well he could drive so off we went again. He told me his Dad cried the whole time and when I said “Did you scare him that much” he replied, “No, Dad just cries a lot”. Scott still gets overwhelmed whenever Zack accomplishes another milestone always thinking about how we nearly lost him completely. It’s hard not to think back to the days not long ago when Zack struggled to speak and now he speaks before hundreds of other teenagers. Or to remember how we thought he would never go to school and now he is driving there. Of course now he wants to drive whenever we get in the car but it is a privilege he well deserves.
We are looking forward to Spring Break when we will finally get to have a family vacation again. We will be in Hilton Head like many times before and are anxious to see what Zack remembers. We have been seeing some definite improvements in his memory since he started taking the Excelon. He is starting to remember events from the last few years although the months preceding the accident are still gone. It seems that places, or songs or movies will suddenly make him remember something from the past that was lost with his accident. He is doing so well and has met all his O.T. goals at Frazier East that once he returns to school after Spring Break he will start going three days a week. This will give him a better chance of keeping up with what they are studying and how he will handle the work load next year. Since he will be dropping to two days a week at Frazier we are hoping to extend his therapy part time through the summer. He is looking forward to relaxing by the pool this summer (he will have plenty of time for that) but we also need to keep exercising that brain to insure he is ready for school in the Fall. He wants to get back in shape and has made me promise that I will get up and run with him on the beach everyday on vacation. He has regained all his weight lost in the hospital, plus a little extra from those big meals we encouraged. He looks good but he hasn’t been able to exercise since the pageant rehearsals started so he is out of shape. By summer he will be lean and tan with that brilliant smile that lights up a room (do I sound prejudice? I am!).
I worked for 2 ½ hours last Sunday (and several more later in the week) trying to post new pictures on this site but was unsuccessful. I finally figured out how to use the scanner and saved the pictures to a disc but posting those seem impossible. I emailed them to Tim (my web master) tonight so if we are lucky he will be able to get them posted. One of these days someone needs to come and show me how to do it.
For those who wanted to know where we speak next I can tell you that April 11th we will be at Barret Middle School (in the morning) and at Trinity High School on April 26th. We will speak at two different classes in the afternoon and then to their FCA Group at 3:00. That evening we will be at Brandenburg Baptist Church at 7:00 PM to speak to the youth group from the surrounding area. I am still finalizing the arrangements with other local high schools and churches. All the churches and FCA groups would welcome any visitors for those that would like to come hear us. Hopefully we will be expanding on Zack’s speech but for now 2 – 3 minutes is great for him. Please pray that our message is received with open hearts and minds and that we can reach other teenagers struggling with the choices they make every day. Let them see in Zack the work of God and instill in them a desire to know His awesome power. Please continue praying for Zack’s complete recovery for the Glory of God.

Friday March 24, 2006

2006-03-24T23:53:00.000-04:00

Friday March 24, 2006 Zack is so busy now with school on Tuesday and Thursday, therapy the other three days, homework and the Easter Pageant that I hardly get to see him. Most days he and Scott have already left for church by the time I get home. It dawned on me just yesterday that now our rolls are reversed. When Zack was in the hospital and at Frazier Rehab I was with him all the time and Scott was home with Dylan and the girls. Now they are off being soldiers together and I am at home with the kids. I know how Scott felt when he said he was lonely. I miss them. I wait up until they get home but usually Zack is tired, takes a shower and goes straight to bed. I am grateful that they are in the pageant, it is a spiritual experience, they are making good friends and it is a bonding experience for Scott and Zack ….but….I am looking forward to playing cards with Zack again and having a conversation with Scott that’s not rushed.
Wednesday I sat in on Zack’s speech session at Frazier East. Leslie wanted me to see where Zack was in his reading and get a sense of the work we need to do over the summer to have him ready for school in the Fall. Zack still reads slow but is able to read every word in his high school world history book. Comprehension is still difficult because he has to focus so much energy just reading and we still fight the aphasia. However, when she had him read the same subject matter at an easier reading level his comprehension improved drastically. She suggested we look into some alternate books that are easier reading in subjects like history and science. She also said that we needed to plan his classes out to give him the necessary credits to graduate but not overloading his schedule. I talked to Carol Britton (Zack’s tutor at Christian Academy) and she was going to check into what credits Zack needed for his Junior and Senior year and how we could utilize alternate books. Carol has become such an advocate for Zack within the school system that takes such pressure off of me. She has already worked out Zack’s schedule for his Junior year and it is set up to where Zack can be successful. He will have plenty of study halls in which she can work one-on-one with him. Zack took a really heavy class load as a Freshman and met many of his high school requirements the last two years. God was planning our path even then because now Zack is able to have a light schedule as a Junior, which will be his hardest year while still recovering. Scott and I talk about how we see God’s plan unfolding every day…how he set this up years ago…how he put just the right people in all the right places. It is so comforting.
Thursday morning we went to Ky Country Day to speak to the Upper school (about 180 high school students). Zack had written his own speech and had been diligently practicing. Dr Perri, Leslie and the new student speech therapist, Suzanne and the new student occupational therapist, Carol Britton and Trish Tobe (she arranged my first speech at KCD) all came to support Zack. Rick Thompson (Zack’s friend that graduated from Christian Academy last year and now attends Western University) came with us and ran the power point. Although it was an audience of mixed religious beliefs, the students were attentive and interested. Zack did great. He spoke slowly, clearly and had it perfectly memorized. It was short but to the point and I think those students that might have tuned me out were definitely interested in what he had to say. Zack didn’t seem near as nervous as I felt. We were all very proud of him and I hope this is just the beginning of his desire to speak publicly on the journey God has placed him on. The upper school director spoke to the students when we were through and did an excellent job of addressing the faith issue. She stated that there were many different belief systems within the student body and even if they didn’t share our faith we still had a message they could learn from. It was our first experience speaking to such a diverse group of religious beliefs and we look forward to other opportunities. No matter what they believe they can’t deny the fact that “our” belief in a powerful, merciful God has changed the way we look at our situation. We can have an attitude of hope and victory “because” of our faith and that alone is a testimony to God’s power.
Zack passed his final, all inclusive written driving test at Frazier today. Suzanne had told him that if he got an 85% of above on this last test she gave him then he could get his permit. Before he went to bed last night he told me to get him up an hour early so he could study. He also studied as we were driving to Frazier. He wouldn’t let me turn the radio on (which he usually has blaring) and I couldn’t talk to him. He was serious about passing this test so he was studying every free moment. As I drove in silence I was remembering what Dr. Kraft told me at Frazier…”He will be able to do anything that he really wants to do”. He was right. Everything that Zack has set his mind to he has accomplished, against terrific odds. I steal glances at him and am full of admiration. He has been through so much in the last eight months and has proven what faith, prayer, determination and a positive attitude can accomplish. Monday morning 8:00 AM I will take him to get his permit. He got a 99 on his test. He deserves it more than I can justify being nervous. It represents hard work, a major accomplishment, a well deserved reward. Please continue to pray for us. Pray for Zack’s continued recovery. Pray that he will be ready for his Junior year in the Fall. Pray that he will have more opportunities to share his testimony. Pray that God’s glory will shine through Zack as an example of His faithfulness and awesome power.
Sidebar: as soon as I figure out how to use my scanner I promise to post new pictures.

Friday March 17, 2006

2006-03-17T23:27:00.000-04:00

Friday March 17, 2006 Zack had a very busy schedule this past week. He has had dress rehearsal for the Easter Pageant every night since Monday, which required him to be there by 4:30 to get into make-up and costume. He has given up his nap over the last 2 weeks and seems to be handling it pretty well. He is very tired by the time he gets home at 10:30 or 11:00 PM but he is not complaining. I had to tell Carol Britton that now that the pageant has started there is no time for me to work with him on Rhythmic Writing during the week. She understands the demanding schedule and appreciates the importance of his involvement in the pageant so she agrees that we should just work it in on the weekends.
This past Sunday night the entire family (and Zack’s friend Lindsey) went to Westport Road Church of Christ. We enjoyed dinner and got to meet many of the people who have been praying for Zack since his accident. After dinner I spoke to the youth group (with many adults in the audience) and at the end Zack came up and answered a few questions. We had talked about what he might say on the way to church but by the time he got up there most of his thoughts were gone. I cued him and he said a few things but mostly he just smiled. Scott has heard me speak on Zack’s accident and recovery several times but he still gets very emotional. He had to move to the back of the room by the door where he sat in tears through most of the presentation. On the way home I finally convinced Zack that we needed to put what he wanted to say on paper and develop some written cues. He does not want to memorize a speech (I’m not real sure how successful that would be anyway) but instead wants to speak from the heart. I told him it could still be spontaneous but his thoughts need to be organized. He agrees since he will be joining me at Kentucky Country Day School when I speak to the high school assembly next Thursday morning. He really enjoys going to places to hear me speak and feels it is important for him to get up and tell other teenagers about what happened to him and how to avoid the same fate. I wish I could take him every time but sometimes his schedule does not allow it. This past Wednesday I spoke to the high school assembly at Whitfield Academy. Ironically there were several students there who knew Zack and others who had heard his story. It was an attentive group of about 175 students. Then on Wednesday night I spoke to the youth group at Crestwood Baptist Church to 200 teenagers. Several kids came up to me afterwards and told me how they were impacted by Zack’s story. I am surprised at how suddenly nervous I still become right before I speak even though I have done this 10 or 12 times. Knowing that my heart races, I have shallow breaths and my palms sweat, I am surprised that Zack is not more nervous. He seems to take everything in stride. He has finished his third week back in school but for him that is only 6 days since he only goes two days a week. Carol (his tutor) and Leslie (Frazier speech therapist) have agreed that World Civilization probably is not the best class for him to take right now since it is so fragmented for him. It is very hard to keep up when he is only there two days a week and each day is dependant on what was taught the day before. Instead Carol will spend that hour working with him one-on-one with reading comprehension and organized writing (like what is necessary for a term paper). This will help him improve in every school subject and prepare him for his junior year this Fall. He gets along great with Carol. She is very supportive and encouraging (and appreciates his silliness at times). I spoke to Dr Perri (psychologist) today and he said now is about the time we should start seeing the effects of the Excelon he started taking at the end of February. This is the medication that facilitates memory and Leslie told Dr Perri that she is noticing some subtle improvements in Zack’s memory this week. Scott told me yesterday that Zack remembered an incident that happened when he was at Frazier Rehab which surprised us since we were told he wasn’t likely to remember any of that time. We are praying that the Excelon will jump start his memory and help him recall what he learns in school. He has gotten very good at reading chapters and finding answers to complete a worksheet but is far from being tested on that material. I am not discouraged because in January he couldn’t read a paragraph and highlight what was important and now he can complete worksheets. We feel very fortunate to have so many people working with him towards the same goal…getting him ready for school next year.
I have missed Zack and Scott this week since they are usually gone to church by the time I pick the kids up from school after work. I had left a message on Zack’s cell phone saying that I never get to see him anymore and I miss him. Then yesterday I received a message from him saying, “I’m sorry I have been gone so much doing the pageant thing but I’m trying to get closer to God so don’t get mad”. I miss him but I gladly give him up to God and the pageant. He and Scott are making great friends there and Scott said it is the most spiritual thing he had ever been involved with. The Roman Soldiers pray together every night and share their concerns. Last night was Guest night (the formal dress rehearsal) and I took Dylan and the girls. Carol Britton, Zack’s friend Brooke and Brooke’s Mom Dee Dee also went with us. The pageant was wonderful and made even more special because Zack was able to be in it. As I first saw him march across the stage I couldn’t help but think back to when he was learning to walk again at Frazier Rehab. Who could have ever imagined six months ago where we would be now? He looked so handsome in his soldier uniform and this time I knew that helmet covered a full head of hair. During the pageant he fought back a smile when he walked past me in the aisle (Roman soldiers are supposed to be stern and mean). Afterwards when we saw him in the atrium he beamed a smile that lit up the room. We took pictures and he showed off his stage makeup tan. He and Scott are getting closer than ever sharing this experience. He is surrounded by Godly men, praying with them and sharing stories. He is inspiring to many others that saw him in the hospital and now watch him perform and act silly backstage. We are blessed beyond belief and appreciate this journey, even at its darkest. I was given a scripture verse from one of the members at Westport Road Baptist Church that has new meaning for us now. Isaiah 45:3 “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Please continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery and specifically that he will be ready for school in the Fall.

Wednesday March 8, 2006

2006-03-09T00:10:00.000-04:00

Wednesday March 8, 2006 Zacks first full week on our new schedule takes a little getting use to. He went to school Thursday and got to go to chapel which he has really been looking forward to. He said it was very good but he got a little mad when some people started clapping off beat to be funny. He really gets into worship…he knows how much he has to be grateful for. On the days that he goes to Frazier East and is not working with Carol Britton I have to do Rhythmic Writing with him at home. It is difficult carving time out especially on Monday and Wednesday. When he leaves Frazier I have to take him to Vision Therapy which isn’t over until 4:45. We get home at 5:00 and he has to be at church for pageant practice at 6:00. Somewhere in there he needs to eat. We are making it work and know our schedule will be less demanding when the Easter Pageant is over. Although the pageant practices are really cutting into his social life we see positive impacts. One scene always finds Zack watching in the sanctuary. When the blind man calls out for Jesus to heal him Zack stares intently. After that particular scene on Monday, Zack walked up to his Dad and Scott told him he looked tired. Zack shrugged his shoulders and said matter of factly, “I was crying”. He said that is his favorite scene in the pageant and I can’t help thinking that Zack pictures himself as that blind mind and realizes that Jesus healed him. He is making new friends with some wonderful Christian teenagers that are also in the play. He is also starting to connect with some of the Sophomores at school which is great since he will start his Junior year with them in the Fall. He worked on his power point presentation at Frazier and on the weekend. He did much of it himself and I was very surprised when he showed it to me. He presented himself, his accident, therapy and a look ahead. He used pictures from the hospital and therapy. It was very good and I especially liked his ending in “looking ahead”. He stated that he knows it will be hard but he has faith that he can achieve all his goals because “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. Carol was with him in computer when he presented to his class yesterday. Zack told me that his was the best one and Carol agreed that it was very impressive. He takes great pride in his work and I think this attitude will go a long way to his success in school. He also did a good job on his Ghandi report but got help from Leslie (speech therapist). A lot of his time at Frasier is now spent with them going over his school work and developing strategies for learning. Carol also teaches him strategies and how to apply them in Instrumental Enrichment. All efforts point towards cognitive rehabilitation and Carol is a great addition to our therapy team. Zack looks forward to his sessions with Dr Perri especially when they are able to go to lunch together. He told me that Dr Perri has kind of taken the place of Jose (occupational therapy student) who finished with Frazier in February and who Zack really bonded with. He hopes to get to see Jose again and maybe go bowling.
Today I took Zack and Dylan to the first Regional girl’s varsity basketball game. We were hoping to see Christian Academy play for the championship on Saturday but they lost. It was especially sad since it would be the last time Meredith Marsh would play for CAL since she graduates this year. After the game Zack and I went to University Hospital to meet Josh McIntyre and his family. Josh is 19 years old and was hit by a car while helping a stranger. He suffered a broken leg, hip and spine damage and traumatic brain injury. We met Josh, his mom, grandmother, aunt and two friends and were able to share encouraging words of hope. They immediately recognized Zack from his pictures on the bulletin board in ICU and had even been on the website. Josh had been in the same ICU as Zack but is currently in the critical care unit. His condition is very much like Zack’s when he was transferred to Frazier. His mother now worries about the recommendation to send him to Pathways, the neuro unit of Christopher East nursing home. We talked about the need for her to forgive the women that ran over Josh and keep a positive attitude about his recovery. I think the family was greatly encouraged to see how far Zack has come in such a short time and we exchange numbers so we can follow up with him later. I was pleased that Zack asked them if anyone there believed in God and prayer and when they told him yes he responded “good cause that will help you a lot”. We prayed with them and then his Mom walked down to ICU with us to visit the staff. There were several nurses working that had cared for Zack and they always appreciate when a patient comes back to visit. We also got to see Linda at the information desk. She prayed with Scott the day of Zack’s accident and helped him through some really rough times. As we walked to the car Zack told me he really liked visiting Josh. He pointed out that everyone was crying when I was talking to them about Josh and he liked that. He feels their crying means they care a lot about him and it makes it seem important that we came. He says he wants to keep visiting people in the hospital when they are really “messed up” because he can make them feel better. He knows how blessed he is and feels the same sense of responsibility to offer hope to others that Scott and I feel. He also wants to share how important it is to pray and trust God…he gets it!
These hospital visits do a lot of good for us. I am instantly transported back to the time when we waited desperately for Zack to wake up and can more fully appreciate where we are now. God looms large again. Its like a mini mission trip…we receive as many blessing as the people we come to see. We are looking forward to our visit to Westport Road Church of Christ this Sunday evening where I will speak to the youth group. This is where the Rivards go to church and everyone there has been praying for us since the accident, following Zack’s progress on the website and offering words of encouragement. Many of these people visited us at the hospital and at Frazier Rehab and I am sure they will be excited to see how well Zack is doing. It seems we now have family in Christ all over Louisville. Brought together by a tragedy, bound together by faith and basking in the awesome power of God. He is still in control. We ask for your continued prayers for Zack’s complete recovery for the Glory of God!

Thursday February 28, 2006

2006-02-28T23:28:00.000-04:00

Tuesday February 28, 2006 Zack’s first day back in school was an incredible blessing. He had trouble sleeping last night, partly because he was so excited and partly because his new medication was upsetting his stomach. He asked me to wake him early so he would have plenty of time to get ready (of course he had to look good for the ladies) but when I got him up at 6:45 he told me he didn’t go to sleep until 1:00 AM. When we arrived at school I had to take a picture of him in the parking lot (he was worried someone might see us) because 6 months ago this day was unthinkable. I told Zack that my heart was beating fast as we walked to the front door because this was such a big day. We went to the office to get his locker assignment and started seeing all his friends in the hall. His first session with Carol Britton in Rhythmic Writing went better than she expected. He embraced the whole process and later even told us he liked it. He did equally as well in Instrumental Enrichment. A work sheet that typically takes a student 30 minutes to complete he finished in 8 minutes. I watched over his shoulder as he connected dots to create the appropriate squares and triangles and he was able to find them amongst these random dots much faster that I could. He had World Civilization and they started a new chapter on Ghandi and have a paper to write. He told Carol and I he wants to do the paper himself and plans on getting an A. He also had Honors Algebra II (a class he has not taken yet) and was a little lost as his teacher began a new lesson (apparently other students had difficulty as well). In computer they were given an assignment to research a company that they were familiar with and put together a PowerPoint presentation. His computer teacher told him he could do it on himself and Zack has decided that is what he wants to do. It could end up being his testimony of what has happened to him and how he has come this far. I won’t want to miss the day he gives his presentation. Since his Bible teacher was on a field trip he worked with Carol through that period but he will have Bible on Thursday. He is pleased that he gets to go to school on Thursday because they have Chapel and he says he can’t wait to worship. He was all smiles today, delighted that he was back in school with his friends and not wanting me hanging around too much. Carol told me he even saw Dylan in the hallway and called him over to give him a hug. His homeroom teacher stopped me in the hallway and asked if there was a way Zack could come and visit them in the morning. In high school you have the same homeroom all four years and these students were really expecting to see Zack this morning. Instead he starts each day with Carol so they were very disappointed. We are making arrangements for him to be able to start later with Carol this Thursday so he can visit his old homeroom class again. Tonight he wanted to go to the first basketball District Championship game but had to go to soldier practice. He will have pageant practice from 6:00 – 10:00 nearly every night now until the pageant is over on March 30th. He is not in every scene so he is able to take his laptop and books to do his homework when he is not required to be on stage. Everything seems to be falling right in place. He is still dealing with aphasia but it is much better. We will have to explain old terms and new concepts but we are very fortunate to have Carol working with him. She is very positive, encouraging and believes in him, which has proven to be his best motivation. I have had several conversations with her about how determination and attitude will take you farther in many areas than pure ability. It seems when concepts are just out of his grasp he pushes himself to prove he can do it. He still obviously has God walking beside him, guiding him, whispering words of encouragement, revealing Himself daily. We are profoundly affected by the power of prayer and how it has become the catalyst for getting us through each obstacle. Zack’s headaches have disappeared as quickly as they came upon him. His memory for past events improves every day. He is acing every drivers quiz they give him at Frazier (ok maybe that one is not such a blessing considering the next step is actually letting him drive). His first day back in school couldn’t have gone any better. We are pushing forward. His attitude is positive and one trusting in God’s perfect plan. The next few weeks will be a true test of his stamina (with late night pageant practice) and an opportunity to be a testimony to God’s awesome power. We ask for your continued prayers for complete recovery for the Glory of God.

Thursday February 23, 2006

2006-02-24T00:19:00.000-04:00

Thursday February 23, 2006 We’ve had a busy week getting ready for Zack’s return to school. It was hard for Zack to go to therapy this past Friday and Monday since all his friends (and brother and sisters) were out of school. Suzanne (occupational therapy) has told me that Zack knows the driving manual better than she does. He has read it from cover to cover, highlighted the important facts and entered these as notes into the computer. Although they have established a check list that he needs to complete, it won’t be much longer before we have no excuse to hold him back from taking his permit test (unfortunately parental nervousness doesn’t prevent him from driving). Monday we received an email about a teenage girl who had been in a car accident on Saturday and suffered a traumatic brain injury. Her family was waiting for news at University Hospital where her scull was removed and we were asked to go offer some comforting words of hope. I called Zack and told him the situation and he was very anxious to go speak with her family and show them how far he had come in such a short time. He asked if we would be able to see her and I explained that was not likely to happen but he said he wanted to go anyway. As I was preparing to pick him up I received a phone call explaining that the doctors had called the family together telling them that she was not likely to live through the day and perhaps our visit might be awkward. God did call her home and Zack was even more aware of how blessed we are. He says he really wants to go back to Frazier Rehab and talk to kids that are messed up and encourage them to work hard to get better. He is the perfect one to show them how a positive attitude, determination and faith can conquer obstacles that seem insurmountable. I know that some day he will be given the opportunity to share his struggles with another patient going through the same thing.
This morning Scott and I met with the staff and teachers at Christian Academy to discuss Zack’s schedule and answer questions. We feel very fortunate that even though his teachers are apprehensive (they have never done this before) they are excited about his return. They understand that he should be given homework and take tests but that the content of the material is not as important as the overall learning process. God has again blessed us with additional support for Carol Britton (who will be working with him through the Discovery Program) with Jalynn Speaks. Before her career in education she was a speech therapist for 15 years. She serves as Academic Support at Christian Academy and will be an important member of Zack’s new education team. Isn’t it amazing how God has placed just the right people in our path? We have Carol (one of only three people training in Instrumental Enrichment in KY) and now Jalynn. Our personal evidence of intelligent design…His perfect plan at work. Zack calls me mid morning to see how our meeting went and I tell him they are awaiting his return. He reminds me that he is cooking dinner for us today. In occupational therapy his current project was to pick an entrée, shop for the ingredients, read the instructions and cook it. He made stuffed chicken breast with mushrooms and spinach and Suzanne said he was so proud of himself. Once he was home he told us to be sure to wake him from his nap at 6:00 so he could put the finishing touch (pepper jack cheese) on his masterpiece before serving. It was delicious and we told Zack that now he had to start cooking once a week.
He went to his first official practice for the Easter pageant with Scott tonight and he came home talking about the people he met. Although he will have an intensive practice schedule (6:00 -10:00 many nights) we feel that this experience will be good therapy. He will be tired but I think God will give us extra minutes in those days to study and get homework done (at least we are counting on it). At times when things seem overwhelming we have to step back and think about how things could have been. We focus on how far Zack has come and not how challenging the future seems. At other times I have to stop myself from becoming overly optimistic, envisioning great things Zack will do, but when you have seen how awesome and powerful God is through this recovery it is hard to put limits on Him. We know that if it is in His plan Zack will fully recover and be an inspiration to many. We also trust that God can use Zack just the way he is and we won’t feel cheated. We know God’s plan is perfect and he is in control. We find comfort in Psalms 31:14 “I trust in you, O Lord…My times are in your hands” and Psalm 142:3 “When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, you knew my path”. We ask that you continue to watch God’s healing hand at work and marvel at His mercy. We ask that you continue to believe that prayer pierces the ears of God and He desires to show us His wondrous glory. Pray that His glory will be revealed through Zack’s complete recovery.

Wednesday February 15, 2006

2006-02-16T00:08:00.000-04:00

Wednesday February 15, 2006 Zack is still battling fatigue and headaches but they don’t seem to be as severe or frequent. After a discussion with his vision therapist she feels that the headaches could be from eye strain. Because his visual perception problem makes reading difficult, the strain from this could be causing headaches. A simple solution could be reading glasses that enlarge the letters so that he doesn’t have to work as hard on focusing while reading. We are still waiting on insurance approval for the ACH-E inhibitor that will facilitate memory. Dr Perri is hoping that once he starts on this new medication we may see some relief from fatigue. Since fatigue seems to effect him the most in the afternoon we may try a Mountain Dew in his lunch for a little added pick me up. Wouldn’t it just be God’s way to solve our current problems so simply, with a little caffeine in soda and reading glasses. Saturday Zack bowled in the Brain Injury Association of Ky. bowling tournament and his team (Zack, Scott, Andrew and Andrew’s Dad) came in 2nd, missing first place by only 14 pins. Zack bowled well, many of his friends came to support him and he had a great time, so he really wasn’t that disappointed that his team didn’t win. Fox 41 came to the bowling alley to do a follow up story on him (they did the first story when he was as Frazier Rehab). Zack did a great job on his interview and we have had a lot of positive comments from people who saw him on TV.
We have been to a lot of Christian Academy (CAL) basketball games lately, mostly to see Zack’s friend Brooke play on the Girls Varsity Team. This gives him an opportunity to socialize with other students at CAL and to still feel like part of the student body. Several times he has seen different teachers, Mr. Greener or Mr. McKinley and everyone talks to him about his return to school. Scott and I will meet with the counselors, several teachers, Mr. Greener and Carol Britton next Thursday for a special conference to finalize Zack’s return on February 28th. Kyle has now started counting the days and reminding Zack. Thanks to everyone who has posted suggestions on how to obtain the laptop/notebook that Zack will need. We are pursuing several options and hope to have one by the time Zack starts his 2nd week of school. Now we are juggling his therapy schedule since he has vision therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays at Frazier East which will soon be the days that he is in school. We will have to work on a whole new schedule to fit in the various therapies so that it doesn’t wear him out or interfere with school. I can only envision how much harder that will be once Zack is deeply involved with pageant practice (and the two weeks that he will perform every night). I know that God will bless his involvement in the Easter Pageant and maybe it will be with added energy and enthusiasm. Zack is still very cooperative. When we explain why certain schedules may have to change and how that will impact his ability to hang out with his friends, he agrees to focus on what is most important. I’m sure his friends will be as excited to see him return to school as he is to be back so that his first week could be a little distracting. Once things settle down I believe his teachers will appreciate his positive attitude and willingness to give 110%. After all they get to work side by side with God (a ring side seat to one of His current miracles) and have a hand in Zack’s recovery.
This weekend Zack is going to the Homecoming Dance at Male High School. He has several friends there (including our next door neighbor) and will be the date of two lucky ladies, Ashley and Dani. He says he is really looking forward to dancing again and I am sure he will not lack for partners. Of course Valentine’s Day did not go by unnoticed with two little girls in our house. Zack picked out a card from me that said “To my Husband”. When I looked at him like he was confused he laughed and told me to read it because he thought it was very funny. It contained a button that said “I’d be lost without my wife” which we made Scott wear to work that day. He wrote “I love you. Thanks for being there for me in the hospital. Please just stay with me. I love you”. His card to Scott was equally funny and touching. It was a birthday card with a little girl and her dog dressed in a tu-tu. He thought it was hilarious and it didn’t bother him in the least that it was not a Valentine’s card. To Scott he wrote “I just wanted to say thanks for being there for me and just try to stick to it. Thanks for being so scared when you first saw me in the hospital. Please just guide me to going to heaven. Thanks for being there Dad”. Of course Scott and I were both in tears and had to hold off reading our cards to each other. Another holiday that means so much more than it did last year. I spoke this morning at North Oldham Middle School to about 75 students through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. After some initial electronic problems (the lap top for my slides wouldn’t work, then the projector failed and the mic wouldn’t cooperate) we finally got started. This was about the 8th or 9th time I have done this but I was still emotional. I think looking at the faces of teenagers and talking about Zack, choices, struggles, prayers, forgiveness, authority, grace…it makes me realize just how far God has carried us. How blessed we truly are to put our faith in the great physician. Zack told me he enjoyed giving the interview on TV, he wasn’t scared and thought it was good. He said the same thing when he answered questions at Hurstbourne Baptist Church. I pray that God is preparing him for the day when he can give his own testimony. How much more of an impact would it make on a teenage audience to have one of their own confront them with their choices. To have him explain how God will walk with them “through the valley of the shadow of death”. They will not be alone. How powerful it will be to hear Zack tell his story. I know we are a ways away from that right now but maybe that is what God impresses upon him when he is running. Zack frequently comes back from his trek around the neighborhood and tells me he got closer to God.
We no longer fear tomorrow. At times we may be anxious or a little apprehensive but we are not afraid. We trust God. We must trust that he not only knows what is best but He also knows what is ahead. And recovery is ahead. Pray that Zack’s return to school will be seen as a blessing by everyone. Pray that his involvement in the Easter Pageant will be a spiritual experience that will energize him, not wear him out. Pray for his complete recovery for the glory of God!

Thursday February 9, 2006

2006-02-09T22:58:00.000-04:00

Thursday February 9, 2006 Sorry for the absence but we have had some computer problems that have finally gotten resolved. This past weekend was busy. Zack and I, along with several of his friends and Dylan went to the Winter Jam concert at the Fairgrounds on Saturday night. Zack was very excited to see Toby Mac perform again and also enjoyed the worship songs by News Boys. He is finally convinced that white boys can rap and is now one of Toby Mac’s biggest fans. We went to the Jaha’s for a Super Bowl party and Zack got lucky and won $40 in the final jackpot. This makes him very happy since he has been trying to convince me to let him get a job. He says he needs to earn money because he doesn’t always want to ask us for money to go out with his friends (fortunately bowling is cheap). I think I made him realize that between the homework he has to do and the nap he wants to take that he has no time left to go to work. We have promised to find ways for him to earn money. This week we have been preparing (emotionally) for our meeting with his therapy team and Carol Britton from Christian Academy. Zack and I talk about it on our way to Frazier each morning and when I picked him up on Monday he said he had a question to ask me. I braced myself for his usual funny comment but he was serious. He asked me if he was smart before the accident. I replied that he was a very good student and didn’t really have to try very hard.
Then he asked, “Will I be smart again?” I explained that he was still smart, intelligence doesn’t change, and he just processes information differently. I told him school would be hard but I knew he would try his best and that would be good enough. Zack had a really rough day on Tuesday. He was very tired and even took a nap during lunch. He had a really bad headache and called Scott twice to tell him how tired he was and how bad his head hurt. Then he called him to ask what our dog’s name was. Leslie (speech) had asked him and he wasn’t sure of the answer. This really alarmed Scott who called me very upset. Zack took Amantadine (brain stimulant) for the last time this past Friday and Scott is afraid that he can’t focus well without it. I assure him that I would speak with Dr Perri and we would also address the headaches and fatigue. When Dr Perri returns my call we discuss these recent changes. He feels that Zack is having withdrawal symptoms from the Amantadine and asked that we be patient. He also feels once Zack starts Excelon (ACH-E inhibitor to facilitate memory) that we will see his focused attention return. He is hoping that the fatigue is just another withdrawal symptom that will disappear in a few days. We are both concerned about the headaches. He has been having headaches for about two months but usually only once a week. Now they seem to be every day. Dr Perri suggest that maybe the Vision Therapy is contributing to his headaches and that once he gets through these series of vision exercises we will see them decrease. Once they arrive home Scott gives Zack Tylenol and he rest. Scott calls to tell me that he talked to Zack about forgetting our dog Toby’s name and Zack had a reasonable excuse. He said he thought his name was Toby but since we just went to the Toby Mac concert he was afraid that the name Toby was stuck in his head. Makes sense to me. Tuesday night I take Dylan and the girls to see the Christian Academy Varsity basketball game. Zack’s friend Brooke would be playing and we didn’t want to miss it. Scott dropped Zack off once he figured out that Zack didn’t have pageant practice. Zack enjoyed sitting with his friends at the girls game but motioned to me that he was getting a head ache. By the time the Varsity boys game started I could tell Zack felt bad because he was no longer laughing. He told me he was ready to leave after the first quarter. Once home he goes straight to bed and sleeps 10 hours.
Our meeting Wednesday afternoon went very well. We discussed his return to school, the classes he would take and what would be expected. He starts school on February 28th and will go on Tuesdays and Thursdays (he will be back at Frazier for therapy on Mon, Wed, Fri). He will take Honors Algebra I (which he got an A in last year), World Civilization, Computer and Bible. He will spend 4 periods with Carol who will help him review and organize his notes, develop cues to determine what information is important, Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment. His therapist feels he will do well in computer because he has a natural affinity for it. Zack said he would do good in Bible (he knows about God). Since his early days at Frazier Rehab, scripture verses have come back to him much the same way as the words to songs. Since he has already had these classes before and passed them, test scores aren’t going to be important. The purpose of the rest of this school year is to teach him new ways to take notes, study and learn. We will look for techniques to form new nuero pathways to the information his brain has stored that his injury has severed. Leslie (speech therapist) asked him what his motivation was to do well in school. They are concerned that since he knows his test will not count that he may not take it seriously and won’t try his best. Zack leans back and smiles at Dr Perri (psych). Dr Perri grins and shakes his head because he knows what Zack will say. His motivation is the “girls”! He and Zack have discussed many times how much Zack is looking forward to being back “in school” with people his own age, especially the girls. I decide to explain to Zack that his motivation is to do his very best so that when he returns in the Fall it will be as a junior. Not as a sophomore. He looks around surprised and asks if that is possible. They all nod in agreement that he has to prove himself, work hard, so that he can move into his junior year. We discuss the need for Zack to have a laptop (notebook) to take notes on during class. He will not be able to keep up if he takes notes by hand but they feel that he could take notes and organize them later if he could do it on a laptop. I will come up with a way to get him one (any ideas…I know they are expensive). Suzanne (O.T.) informs us that we will be losing Jose (O.T. student) next week. He has been working with Zack for the last three months and Zack really likes him. They play baseball and Jose has helped Zack study for his drivers permit test. Jose was the one concerned whether Zack would be participating in extracurricular activities at school. He says he knows that Zack gets energized by that and it will keep him motivated. I explain that Zack will be pretty busy practicing for the Easter Pageant but we see to it that he gets to have fun too. He really loves to bowl so Scott takes him frequently and he goes with his friends. As we leave Jose asked me if it would be OK if he stays in touch with Zack and gets together with him sometimes. He explained that they exchanged mobile numbers and he showed Zack how to store appointments on the calendar in his phone. I am delighted that Jose is concerned and fond enough of Zack to continue to see him once he leaves. I tell him he can come see him any time and hang out with Zack at the pool this summer. On our drive home Zack tells me he thought the meeting went very good and he can’t wait to get back to school. He says he is usually scared around people of authority from school but he is not scared around Carol at all. That is really good since he will be spending a lot of time with her at school and she is excited about working with him. Zack can’t believe that Jose will be leaving and wants to get him a ticket to the Easter Pageant. He reminded me that he was going to church tonight and although he was tired he didn’t need to take a nap. Scott and I talk about what to expect once Zack returns to school. We are anxious to get his medication stabilized and resolve these headaches. We encourage one another to stay focused on today and the immediate future. It is hard as parents not to fret over your children and their future. To wonder how Zack will manage in school next year, what kind of job he will get, how he will fend for himself when we are not there. And then we are reminded to trust in the God that cares so much for us. He has promised to be a light onto our path. Our path is the area or time right in front of us. Not next year, but today. We look back at all the times he rescued us and are comforted that He is in control. We ask for prayers that Zack’s headaches will go away. We ask for patience to wait for God’s leading once Zack returns to school. We ask for your confident prayers in Gods power to heal Zack completely. For the glory of God we pray for complete recovery.

Note: come cheer Zack on at Rose Bowl on Goldsmith Lane Saturday from 1:00 to 3:00
in the Brain Injury Association of Ky. Bowling Tournament

Thrusday February 2, 2006

2006-02-02T23:52:00.000-04:00

Thursday February 2, 2006 Life seems to be settling down into a very normal routine. Zack has therapy everyday at Frazier East from 9:00 to 3:00 and the rest of the kids are at Christian Academy. Scott and I are back into our work schedule and juggling who is going to cook, go to the grocery and get Kyle and Dylan to basketball practice. Zack really looks forward to evenings bowling with various friends and time alone to run. He doesn’t watch TV much at all. If he is not with friends he spends his evenings playing solitaire on the computer, football or baseball on the Nintendo, pool with Dylan or Scott or cards with Kyle or me. I asked him tonight why he doesn’t watch TV any more and he said that he noticed it too. He says that other than watching a football or basketball game he just doesn’t find TV interesting. He has really buckled down doing his homework which at this point isn’t really very much. Leslie (speech) has started making him summarize what he is reading and he is taking it seriously. He has to hand written it but he often types it out first on the computer as a rough draft. It is only a paragraph but he always brings it to me to read and is proud of his work. He told me yesterday that he feels like he is getting smarter. It is getting easier for him to read and his comprehension is better. Aphasia is still a real barrier. At times I think everything is fine but then we are faced with how prominent this disorder has gripped him. Tonight he was helping me serve dinner. I asked him to put potatoes on everyone’s plate and he picks up the butter and asked, “Is this potatoes?” Then I asked him if he wanted gravy on his potatoes and he asked, “What is gravy?” Food still seems to be an area that he really struggles with but he doesn’t get frustrated. He just asks questions and guesses a lot. Sometimes it seems as though he has never heard of certain foods but then once I tell him “You loved this” he will remember. On the flip side of “dinner aphasia” is his sincere appreciation of good food. He told me three times during dinner how good it was (Stophers sliced turkey breast in gravy…not hard) and thanked me for making it. I guess it is an even trade off. He is very open about his feelings and sometimes rather silly. I caught him doing a “touch down dance” after he scored in Nintendo football and he was not embarrassed at all. He is much less inhibited than before his accident. I hope his friends don’t find his silliness annoying (we find it charming). The girls seem to be more faithful now with visiting. I think the guys are back into their normal routine and don’t want to have to worry about whether an activity will be suitable for Zack. Zack is anxious to get back to school so he can be at the heart of where all the social planning is going on. He is aware that next Wednesday we meet with his therapy team and Carol Britton from school to plan his return later this month.
Yesterday we were scheduled to speak at the Support Group at Frazier Rehab. Mary Beth (Zack’s original occupational therapist) had set it up weeks ago and we were prepared to encourage other families in the early stages of traumatic brain injury. Unfortunately when we arrived we discovered that most of their brain injury patients were stroke victims and not part of this support group. There was only a ten year old girl with a brain injury but her mother was in denial that there was anything wrong with her. She did not want to see the expressionless face and only thought her daughter was depressed. They stay in their room with the door shut, have little contact with the nursing staff and refused to see us. Instead we got a tour of the newly renovated floors by Dr. Mook. Zack was amazed at how nice the patient rooms were, with 42” flat screen TV’s and computers in each room. We got to see much of our old staff so the visit was not wasted. We talked with Mary Beth for a long time and Zack amused her with his quick wit and positive attitude. She pointed to him and said this is why I want to work with pediatrics. They are so much more fun. We promised Mary Beth that we would come back again as long as she assured us we would have families to help. Zack had been eager to talk to these people because he said their kids would be “more messed up than me” and he can “help them see how to get better”. He never complains when I tell him we have to go speak somewhere and seems to have the same sense of obligation to help others that I feel. It is hard to experience such blessing and not want to shout it from the rooftops (or the keypad). Zack was disappointed that it was raining when he got home today because he was looking forward to running. He had made plans to run with Kaitlyn and was chuckling over the idea of her trying to keep up with him. He is still very competitive and it shows in the games he chooses to play with Dylan. Zack is very good at pool, his eye/hand coordination is excellent, and he usually beats me and Dylan. Ping Pong is a different story. The ball is coming at you and speed is a factor. I was told that research on brain imaging had identified Ping Pong as one of the best sports to improve cognitive functioning (crossing midline, interpreting where the ball is going, reacting to different spins) so I am encouraging Zack to play Ping Pong. Dylan can beat him and Zack doesn’t like it. After a few games of Ping Pong they move on to pool where Zack can be assured a victory. He is also a good bowler and we will see his competitive side on the lanes as well. He is bowling in the Brain Injury Association of Ky Bowling Tournament next Saturday February 11th. He has been talking about putting together a winning team that would include several of his friends. For those that use to visit us at Frazier and haven’t seen Zack in a while you must come cheer him on at Rose Bowl. We look forward to the future with excited anticipation. We are anxious to see what God has in store for us. We don’t expect it all to be easy (especially school) but we know we will not have to handle it alone. We are still reciting Psalm 23 and are focused now on “He leads me besides quiet waters. He restores my soul”. God will lead and we will follow. We don’t know what the future holds but we know God’s plan will be perfect. He has promised to be a light unto our path not our crystal ball into the future. We have to depend on His gentle guiding knowing that the obstacles in our path will be character builders, not stumbling blocks. We have learned to trust Him. We have no choice…we can’t do it on our own. He has given us victory over so many things already that I am confident our recovery is far from over. We ask for your continued prayers that God’s glory will shine through Zack. That his recovery will be so amazingly complete that it can not be mistaken for anything but the hand of God!

Saturday January 29, 2006

2006-01-29T09:42:00.000-04:00

Saturday January 29, 2006 Zack has gotten into the habit of doing homework prescribed by his therapist. He is conscientious of what he has to accomplish each night but I have to be keep an eye on him or I will find him taking breaks to play cards with Kyle. He says Jose (occupational therapy student) tells him to take a break after he has been reading for awhile (which I confirmed with Jose). When I drill him on what he is studying, which happens to be the driving manual so there is an added incentive, he amazes me with his recall of the questions involving numbers (ie…what is the safe following distance on wet roads?). On Wednesday night he goes with me to Hurstbourne Baptist Church where I am scheduled to speak to the youth group and their parents. I had discussed with Zack how he might be able to help me by answering questions from the audience when my speech was through. There was an excellent turn out of both teenagers and adults and only a few moments when I became visibly emotional. Zack came up on stage as I continued making my point that he could have been the poster boy for “this could never happen to me”. I asked him to share with the audience what problems the accident had left him with and he quickly blurted out “aphasia”. He had practiced in the car, trying to remember three deficits and aphasia was the one he kept forgetting. He wanted to hurry and get that one out before he forgot. Several people asked questions which he would answer and I would elaborate. He seemed very comfortable and not nervous at all. When we were through and walking out to the car he told me that it was very good. He said that he wanted to do it again. I asked him if he was scared to be on stage and he said not at all. I asked him why he thought it was good and he explained that because everyone listened, believed how bad he was hurt and that he was trying hard to get better. I asked him what his favorite part was and he said “when you cried”. I was surprised and asked him why and he said, “because it made it seem really important, like you really cared”. We agreed that maybe we should come up with a simple script that he could practice so he would be more prepared next time. He is anxious to speak again and says he thinks it is important that people know what happened and that God was with him. His ministry begins. Earlier in the week I spoke at Fern Creek High School through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes to a group of about 25 or 30 students. I was surprised that there were kids at Fern creek who had heard of Zack’s accident and I wish he had been able to come and answer questions there as well.
On Thursday I discussed with Dr Perri (psychologist) the change in medication he would like to try. I called Dr Mook (physiatrist) and explained the results of Zack’s Neuro Psych Evaluation and why Dr Perri though we should discontinue the Amantadine. This is a brain stimulant and used to help him focus and pay attention, but his test reveals he is above average in that area. Since memory was his area of biggest concern, Dr Perri wanted to try ACH-E inhibitors. These are drugs that affect the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain (neurotransmitters are chemicals that transmit impulses from one nerve to another) and facilitate memory. Dr Perri had discussed this with Zack and Zack had said maybe they should try taking him off the Amantadine and see if his attention level changes before they stop it altogether. This is excellent insight on his part because he doesn’t suddenly want to have problems focusing (his reasoning and problem solving skills are very much in tact). Dr Mook told me he would read the evaluation and then call Dr Perri with his recommendation. When I pick Zack up at the end of the day at Frazier we talk about his progress. He has been given homework tonight but he also needs to go to his first practice for the Southeast Easter Pageant. He and Scott join other Roman soldiers for prayer and fellowship and when they get home Zack takes over the office to study. Later he comes to me with his papers to show me how much work he has done and asks me to drill him to see what he remembers. He does well.
Friday morning I decide that we will skip the Amantadine today. I make his lunch and put a note in it reminding him to tell his therapist that he didn’t take his medication and ask them if they notice any difference. After lunch I receive a phone call at work from Zack. He told me that I was suppose to wait until Dr Mook said it was OK to stop taking the Amantadine…but…he was doing great. When I pick him up I wait to see Dr. Perri and have opportunities to speak with both Jose and Leslie (speech). Jose said he saw no difference in Zack’s ability to focus and Leslie praised how well he had done. She told me he had read more today than previously and felt if anything his attention was better (praise the Lord). I met with Dr Perri and got several other questions answered in regards to the evaluation. He states that Zack’s injury is very unique. Most people struggle with attention, concentration and their working memory. Zack has no problems in these areas. He is a challenge for his therapy team. We discussed the IEP (individual education plan) which needs to be addressed before Zack returns to school. They are not used to working with private schools and don’t quite no how to approach the IEP with Christian Academy (CAL). I tell him that I think Carol Britton (Christian Academy Discover tutor) could help us develop a reasonable program and assure him that we have the full support of the staff at Christian Academy. We are all treading on new ground…Frazier with CAL, CAL with a student returning in a much different academic state than when he left and me with a son with a brain injury. It seems that Zack is the only one not apprehensive about his return to school. This is the next step in his recovery…his return to school (even if it is on a limited basis right now). Friday night Zack goes bowling with Ashley, Maddy and several other girls. They come back to the house later and then Scott sends Maddy and Zack next store to the Getz’s where I am at a birthday party with Logan. They only visit for a short time but it is enough to make Kim Getz emotional at his progress. Kim saw him a University Hospital and Frazier Rehab many times, through many stages. She is amazed at how far he has come and how sweet he seems now. She told me that when we had pizza with their family last weekend, Zack told Michael (her son) that he wanted to spend more time with him this summer at the pool. They use to be fairly close but they went to difference schools and Zack was a grade ahead of Michael and soon Zack was too cool to hang with him. Things are different now. Zack has changed. He is much more sensitive to other people’s feelings and more open about his own. This morning he went running and came back to fall exhausted on my bed. He told me he wanted to talk to me and said he got closer to God while he was running. He said he remembered how he used to cuss before the accident (something I never knew and certainly never witnessed) and he talked to God about that. He says when he runs he talks to God. I am reminded of the time during therapy in the early days at Frazier Rehab. He was having skateboard races on his belly with Amy (physical therapist) to strengthen his arms. They were racing around the gym and laughing when suddenly Zack stopped and just started crying. Amy asked him if he was hurt and he shook his head. She asked him what was wrong and he simply said “God showed me the world”. Amy relayed that to me and later that night as he lay in bed I asked him about it. Again he said “God showed me the world” and “It wasn’t good”. I asked him what that meant and he said he didn’t know. Scott was anxious to talk to him about it also and came by early the next day before. He said, “Zack you told your Mom that you talked to God yesterday. You mean you prayed to him.” Zack replied, “No, I met him”. Scott didn’t know what to say and said they would talk about it again. Zack doesn’t remember any of that now but I think it was his continuing conversation with God, started when he was in a coma at University Hospital. You can be skeptical, it doesn’t matter. All I know for sure is that Zack has been changed. I truly understand now what Dr. Kraft told me would be his deeper appreciation of life. He called Scott today just to tell him what a beautiful day it was. He always points out the clouds and sunsets to me, tells me to listen to a particular song that he says is really good and praises meals that he finds delicious. He has changed. He has the same friends and new friends and a new best friend, one that has become much closer. He was with him through his fight in the hospital and his struggles through therapy. He will continue to walk with him through his recovery. Most of us have to wait until we reach heaven to realize that God was with us through our tears and rejoiced in our triumphs. Zack is blessed to understand that now and he is embracing how this experience is making him a better person. The great physician healed him and now the potter molds a new creation. Pray that those watching will see the power and mercy of God. Continue to pray for complete recovery so God may be glorified.

Tuesday January 24, 2005

2006-01-25T02:09:00.000-04:00

Tuesday January 24, 2006 Zack, Scott and I met with Dr. Perri (psychologist) at Frazier East to review his Neuro Psych Evaluation taken in the beginning of January. This determines where he is at in his recovery, his deficit areas and gives us a baseline to compare future evaluations. A lot of what they discovered was not surprising. Reading and verbal comprehension was impacted by aphasia. The test showed deficiencies in processing speed and attention to visual detail and visual tracking. His visual perception problems impacted his performance across tests requiring visual acuity, but we expect this to improve with vision therapy (more on this later). His immediate memory is impaired, with retention of auditory information being a bigger problem than visual memory (which was still weak). The surprising finding was that his working memory was very strong. Working memory is the ability to hold several facts or thoughts in memory temporarily while solving a problem or performing a task. Working memory is an intermediary and active memory system in the information processing area of the brain. It is an important memory system and the one that most of us use every day. He demonstrated above average attention and concentration and was strong in perceptual organization and reasoning. He scored above average in a category test that measures novel problem solving abilities (new learning) that are not dependant on academic training. He easily and quickly developed strategies to use in situations of novel problem solving. Some of the results were confusing and we didn’t have enough time to thoroughly review them with Dr Perri so we will have to meet again. Overall he is considered mildly impaired. In general observations they say he is cooperative, gives good effort, pleasant, friendly, charming and unconcerned about his deficits but not unaware of his aphasia. The examiners believe he may not fully experience the magnitude of his cognitive impairment until he returns to school. Dr Perri agrees with us that his attitude has been very good and he is not easily frustrated. Zack knows that reading is now very difficult for him and he states it as a fact much like he gets really tired in the afternoon. We have been blessed that depression has not been a factor and we pray that his attitude will remain positive. Encouragement, positive reinforcement and providing situations where he can succeed will continue to be our focus. Living his motto “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” will carry us through his recovery. Dr. Perri did get to see firsthand where Zack gets his sense of humor and silliness from since Scott met him for the first time today. Scott told him that he also suffered a head injury as a child (which explains a lot… lol). When Scott was 12 years old he was hit by a car while riding his bike, ironically on the day after he was baptized. He was pronounced dead on arrival to the hospital and was in a coma for a while. He doesn’t remember the weeks leading up to the accident but he vividly remembers the old lady who he said climbed under the car and wiped the blood from his face at the scene of the accident. All the witnesses say there was no old woman, no one wiped blood from his face, but Scott still insisted she was there. He remembers when he came home that all his friends told him he was different, he wasn’t the same as before the accident. Now whenever Scott acts strange we always laugh and blame it on “blunt force trauma”. As we prepare to leave Dr. Perri asked Zack if he has any questions about the test. After his usual funny comments about finding a girlfriend he asked Dr Perri, “Did I do good? Did it say I tried hard?” Dr Perri responded that he didn’t need to look at test results to know that Zack tried hard. He has worked with him long enough to know now that when it is important Zack will give it his best effort. As we walk to the car Zack asked me if I thought he did good on the test and I assured him that he did fine. He may seem unconcerned about his deficits but he is definitely concerned that we know he is trying his best. When we get in the car I listen to the voicemail from Dr. Weinberg (behavioral optometrist) responding to my request on the progress of his visual therapy (I told you I would get to it). He explained that Zack is making gains in visual teaming, focusing and tracking and they are just getting started with visual processing. They are pleased with his progress but he needs to do more homework in visual therapy. I never knew they were giving him work to do at home. We discussed the importance of vision therapy for driving and reading so Zack brought out some papers to practice on teaming and focusing. As we drove home Zack kept pointing out the sky to me, showing me different clouds and they way the rays of the sun streamed through them. He always notices the sky now. I stop and get gas and we sit in the car and watch the clouds through the sunroof and he tells me how beautiful it looks. Appreciation of the world God gave him back is a blessing that doesn’t escape us. We stop at Coffee Crossing and he gets the coffee drink that Scott promised earlier. We pick up the rest of the kids at Christian Academy and then head home so Zack can take his nap. After dinner Zack practices his vision therapy and then we sit down with some of Dylan’s English workbooks and work on vocabulary. I was surprised and Zack was pleased with himself that he could fill in the blank on sentences using words like disgruntled, indignant and gingerly (words he doesn’t use everyday). Because he was successful he tells me that he wants to start sitting down more often and do “learning stuff like this”. He finishes his homework assignment from Leslie by reading a book to Logan (which of course she loved). Once everyone is in bed I read the Neuro Psych Evaluation for the 4th or 5th time, this time with a highlighter. I wonder how well he will manage school and then remember my visit there yesterday. When I came to pick the kids up from after school care I decided to see if some of Zack’s teachers were there. I got to speak with Janet Smith (8th grade science) and Mrs. “Mac” McFerran (English) both who are anxious to see Zack return to school and ready to help him succeed. They tell me what a great class the current sophomores are and that Zack has a lot of friends there. I leave feeling very much a part of a family here. This is not just where Zack gets an education but where he has grown spiritually. Since kindergarten he has learned scripture verses that he has now lived through. He has overcome tremendous obstacles and come out with a positive attitude and deeper faith. It is not coincidence. It is not due to great medical care or excellent therapy, although we have received both. It is a strong foundation of biblical truths. It is the sincere prayers of many believers. It is the awesome power of a mighty God delighting in the victory He is being given through Zack’s struggles. Please continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery for God’s glory.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”.

Thursday January 19, 2006

2006-01-20T01:29:00.000-04:00

Thursday January 19, 2006 Zack has to do homework now so I don’t get as much access to the computer. Leslie (speech) and Jose (occupational therapy) both have started sending Zack home with work to do in preparation for his return to school. He has to read and highlight the important facts of the article. Then he has to write it down as notes and sometimes type those notes into the laptop. Even Dr. Peri (psychologist) gives him copies of the website to read and highlight for discussion at their next session. Since he hasn’t been doing homework since he got out of school last summer it is a real challenge for him to stay focused after being in therapy all day. He didn’t think it was fair that everyone else was out of school on Monday for Martin Luther King Day and he still had to go to “school”. Kyle and Dylan were even questioning me on why Zack had to go on a holiday. Scott picks him up at 3:00 and they go golfing. When he gets home I ask him if he wants to play cards and he says he has to do his homework first. An hour later he comes in to show me the passages he has highlighted and pages of notes he handwrote. He is proud of himself but now he is ready to play cards. I enjoy our card games so much because we can talk about his return to school or whatever is on his mind. It is so refreshing to have a teenager who is actually interested in your opinion. Zack truly believes I know what I am talking about now and trust that I will advise him correctly (I only wish some of that would rub off on Dylan). On Tuesday I pick the kids up from Christian Academy (CAL) and when I get home we tell Zack about tonight’s girl’s varsity basketball game against Mercy. His friend Brooke plays for CAL so after dinner Zack, Dylan, Kyle, her friend Sarah and I drive to Mercy for the game. We have only been in the car 5 minutes when Zack turns the radio down and asks me what time we will get home. He says he really has a lot of homework and needs to get home right after the game to get started. I remind him that he should have told me before we left home about his homework because maybe he shouldn’t have come but he promises me he can get it all done after the game. Since it was an away game (and the boy’s varsity team was playing Trinity at home) none of his friends were there so I got the privilege of sitting with Zack. It had started to snow lightly as we arrived at the game and when we left it was snowing quite hard. Of course the kids were excited saying that there would not be school tomorrow and Zack warned me that if they were out of school he was not going wither. I told him Frazier didn’t really have “snow days” and he reminded me that it would be much more dangerous driving to Frazier since it was a lot farther from home, than it would be driving to CAL. When we got home he had to start on his homework which was several pages from Leslie and more from Jose. After about an hour he comes to tell me he is tired and needs to go to bed. He says he probably won’t have school tomorrow because of the snow so he didn’t need to do all of his homework, but just in case I should wake him early to finish it. He told me to get up first and see if school was closed. Wednesday morning I start the coffee and turn on the news. School is open and I wake Zack at 6:30. He gets up and heads to the office before he even eats breakfast. I am impressed with his determination. When he knows it is important he wants to do his best and that is why I think he will succeed at school. His short term memory is still not good so school will be very difficult, he will need lots of help but he has a great attitude and a strong belief that he can do it. He also is ready to prove his motto “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. We don’t know what the future holds, what exactly school will be like for Zack but we do know that God will not abandon us now. He is listening to the prayers of many faithful believers who continue to lift Zack up. I had a meeting at Southeast Christian Church Wednesday afternoon and decide to check to see if the results of the Easter Pageant auditions are posted. There is Zack’s name as Roman Soldier (along with Scott). When I pick Zack up I hand him his envelop with his rehearsal schedule and other information. I tell him he is a Roman soldier but he has no speaking lines and he says that’s probably good. I tell him he will have to practice making a stern Roman face and he asked me what is “stern” (this is aphasia). I explain that he has to make a sort of mad looking face and he tries to do it without smiling. He will need a lot of practice or they will call him the happy Roman soldier.
Thursday Scott picks him up from Frazier and they go bowling. Scott wins the 1st game but Zack wins the 2nd. On the 3rd game Zack is up by 13 pins in the 9th frame and gets a little cocky and misses his spare. Scott warned him never to leave an open door for the competition and proceeds to bowl three strikes in a row to win the game. Zack learns a valuable lesson but also impresses his Dad because he tells him to always play his best. If he wins he wants to know it is because he was better, not because his Dad was taking it easy on him. When I get home from work it is just Zack and I (the girls are with friends, Dylan is at a middle school basketball game and Scott is at a meeting at church). I fix Zack a quick dinner and after changing clothes ask him if he is ready to play cards. He tells me he has to do his homework first. Our new normal seems much more like everyone else’s. It wasn’t long ago that Zack couldn’t read or write and now he is diligently focused on doing homework. It was less than 4 months ago that I spent all my time at Frazier Rehab. My world consisted of therapist, doctors, my little notebook full of endless documentation of medicine and procedures, late night drives home and little sleep. Now I look back on those times rather fondly. Scott says I was very privileged to get to witness Zack coming back to life. He had the much more thankless job of keeping the family held together at home. Many nights he was on the deck with both girls on his lap crying that they missed their Mom and explaining to Dylan that Zack needed me more right now. After they were in bed he would sit on the deck with a constant puddle of tears on the ground in front of him. He says at those times he would think of Ross Brodfuehrer who lost his teenage son in a car accident years ago. He knew that Ross would give anything to be where he was now, with his son alive even if his future was uncertain, and that would give him the strength to keep going. He would look at the sky, pray and cry and remembers vividly watching the Big Dipper go from low to high in the sky as the weeks went by. This is where I would find him when I came home from Frazier at 12:00 or 1:00 am. I am so thankful that now we are together again as a family. I am reminded of how hard we tried to get Zack approved to be sent to the Centre for Neuro Skills in Dallas. How blessed we are that God was in control and knew how much better Zack would do surrounded by his family and friends. He placed the right people (Jude Thompson with Anthem), closed doors and opened others and “lit the path” for Zack’s recovery. I doubt if Zack had been hundreds of miles away from us, no matter how good the facility was, that he would be doing as well and be as happy as he is now. You could say that we learned the hard way how to listen for God’s direction. But in God’s perfect plan it was the only way. It was not a test of our faith. It was an example of how God molds us into better servants. His strength is made perfect when we are weak. His glory is magnified when we trust Him with fervent prayers. Our belief that He hears our prayers and is in control is the best witness for an unbelieving world. We ask that you continue to bear with us in prayer for Zack’s complete recovery to give glory to God. Do you believe? Are you confident in His power? Shout it out!

Saturday January 14, 2006

2006-01-15T13:09:00.000-04:00

Saturday January 14, 2006 We have had a busy last few days. Thursday morning Carol Britton from Christian Academy Discovery program came to observe Zack in Speech and Occupational therapy with the goal to start working with him on Rhythmic Writing. She called me later in the afternoon to say how much she enjoyed meeting him. She saw how cooperative he was and how hard he works. She laughed when she said that between sessions Zack asked her if she wanted to go to lunch when they were through and told her he was excited about going to the Winter Ball this weekend. She found him full of personality, said that we have a very special son and expects to have fun working with him. We discussed Zack returning to school at the end of February for two days a week and then continuing his therapy at Frazier East the other three days. Carol suggested that he would benefit from math classes and Bible. She feels that once he starts back in the Fall he could be a successful student with help from the Discovery program. When I pulled up to the house after work I realized we were the only people on our street with outside Christmas decorations still up. I walked in to find Scott napping on the couch and he informed me that he had had a hard day at work and was in no mood to take down decorations. I looked at Zack and asked if he would help me and he said Rick was picking him up to go bowling but he could help me till he left. In twenty minutes all the lights and wreaths were down without one complaint from Zack. I couldn’t help but think about last year when I had to nearly threaten him to get them down and he moaned the entire time. When Zack and Rick came home Zack proudly announced he bowled a 172 and then wanted to beat me in cards. He certainly hasn’t lost his competitive edge.
Friday was Kyle’s 10th birthday and Scott dropped the kids off to school while Zack and I went to Kroger’s to pick her up a cake. When we got to Christian Academy Zack knocked on her classroom door and much to her surprise delivered her cake. He asked if we could walk to the high school wing so he might see some of his friends. As we continued down the hall he started to giggle and said (pointing to his ears) “I can’t believe I can walk in here with these on!” (CAL doesn’t allow boys to wear earrings). We got there just as homeroom let out and the halls filled with students. Zack was in heaven as guys walked pass giving him the “high five” and girls came up to hug him. He got to see all his friends and told them that he would be coming back to school in February. They went to class and we headed to the front door and ran into Mr. Greener in the hall. He shook Zack’s hand and asked him how it felt to be walking the halls at school again. Zack informed him that he was going to be back there soon and I told Mr. Greener that Zack was tickled over getting to wear his earrings. We all laughed and Mr. Greener warned him to enjoy it now because when he came back the earrings came out. Zack was flying high as we drove to Frazier. We hardly noticed that it was pouring down rain because we were both so excited about the prospect of him returning to school. Christian Academy has supported us with prayer and fundraisers since Zack’s accident. We feel part of a special family bound together by our belief in Christ and God’s purpose in healing Zack. When I come back to pick Zack up at the end of the day he tells me I need to come in and talk with Leslie (speech therapist). We talk about Carols visit and she tells me she had a phone message from the Brain Injury Trust Fund wanting her opinion of the Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment program (I had contacted them for financial assistance). Leslie wanted to talk with me before she returned their call and I knew what she was going to say. She is not familiar with these programs and feel they are not really applicable to Zack since he does not have a learning disability but a brain injury. They are very reluctant to consider anything outside of the normal methods of therapy that they were educated in. She told me that she would tell the Trust Fund that Zack could benefit from the program but it was not necessary to his recovery. She would instead tell them that Zack could use a laptop and software programs that could help him organize his notes once he returned to school. Leslie thanked me for trusting them with Zack, told me he was very intelligent and a joy to work with BUT school was going to be very hard and he was going to need a lot of help just to get passing grades. She has talked to Zack about how his language problems (aphasia) will hamper him in every subject and that they would be delighted if he was able to get C’s in school. I reminded her that we expected the aphasia to continue to get better and she said that that is what they hoped. As we drove home Zack asked what we talked about. I told him that we discussed his return to school and that she warned me how difficult it was going to be for him. He looked at me and said, “She doesn’t think I can do it. She thinks I’m going to get D’s and F’s but I’m going to work really hard and prove I can do it”. I told him that she said he was very smart and a joy to work with but she just doesn’t have the faith in him that we do. He would have to work very hard and get good grades and then maybe we could prove them wrong. He said, “It makes me kind of mad that they don’t think I can do it. I might get some C’s but I am going to work hard and I will get some A’s and B’s too”. I don’t know if that is possible, and we will be very happy with C’s, but with Zack’s determination (and help from Carol) he could surprise us all. It dawned on me again, much like it did after the first two weeks at University Hospital, that all the professionals look at Zack as the typical patient with a brain injury. They have always presented him to us in the worse possible scenario. His doctors thought he would be a vegetable and then as he improved a little they said we should look at nursing homes. They tried to convince me that Frazier Rehab would never take him and they did. At Frazier they warned me about all these scary phases he would go through that never appeared. I remember Dr. Calvery (psychologist) telling me she would like to see more frustration from Zack and warned me of the severe depression that was sure to follow but it never came. Everyone expects him to fit some kind of brain injury textbook case and still they do not consider one very important factor…the power of prayer. God has carried Zack in the palm of His hand. He has whispered words of encouragement to him when there was little hope. I am reminded of the day at Frazier Rehab when I was working on the computer in Zack’s room while he slept. He woke up and I went to sit next to his bed to talk to him. He really wasn’t talking much at this point but he pointed to the computer. I asked him if he wanted to type and he said yes. I put the laptop in his bed and I typed “Zack” and told him that was his name. He placed his hands on the keys and slowly typed “zackistheonlywayttoshowyou”. I was reading it while he typed and even with no spaces knew what he was saying. Chills ran up my spine and I asked him what it meant. He said, “I don’t know”. I asked him if he was done or wanted to type some more and he said that was all. I saved it on the laptop and quickly called Scott and Donna. That statement, “Zack is the only way to show you”, has come to mean so much to us in many different ways. It was my encouragement to speak to other teenagers at local schools and churches. Zack was my example to show them how seemingly innocent choices can change their lives forever. I remember the first time I went to the Vine Sunday night service at Southeast Christian church and watched Zack sing with eyes closed and hands lifted. He showed me how to worship. The doctors and therapist are all very good at what they do BUT they lack faith. Now Zack will show them how to overcome impossible odds through faith. I don’t know what the future holds. I am not naïve enough to think it won’t be hard. Maybe Zack will show them by excelling in school or maybe he will show them that he can still have a positive attitude and just get passing grades. All I am certain of is that God has not brought us this far, overcoming major obstacles, for us to become discouraged. Zack will continue to show us whatever God wants to reveal. Zack and I continue our discussion about school and that it will be hard and he will need tutoring in every class but we know he can do it. I tell him, “Remember, I can do all things…” and he interrupts with “…through Christ who gives me strength”. I told him that will be his motto and he can be a silent witness to his therapist just like he was to his doctors. When we arrive home we make plans to take Kyle out to dinner for her birthday. Dylan had plans to go ice skating and Logan was staying with our neighbor so Kyle, Zack, Scott and I go to Outback Steakhouse. The four of us had a great time and ran into the English’s. Dan English was Dylan’s football and basketball coach and they watched him and the girls a lot when we were constantly at University Hospital after the accident. Dena came and sat with us amazed that she was having a conversation with Zack and that he looks so good. Zack and I went over to say hello to Dan and he told Zack that he saw him at the hospital shortly after the accident. Zack told him that he was really messed up then but he is doing good now and is going to be back in school in February. We experience such a different outlook from them. They reminded Zack that their whole family has been praying for him everyday and they know he will continue to get better. They have faith in him too. Or rather they have faith that God can do miraculous things. Again my thoughts turn to the promise in scripture as Jesus tells us in Mathew 17:20 “I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you”.
Saturday I prepare to paint Kyle’s room and Zack helps me wrestle the bed out of her room. We work for fifteen minutes trying to get it out and finally it was Zack who figured out how to do it. After painting all day (thanks for the help from my sister Colleen) I finish with just enough time to clean up and take Zack to pick up his flowers for the dance. He looked very handsome in his suit with his hair fixed to wear no scars could be seen. We meet the rest of his friends at the Raines house for pictures and I watch him pile with the rest of them into a limo and head to the Winter Ball. I drive home with a smile on my face thinking “Ha, they thought he would never walk again and now he is off to a dance”. Scott and I meet for dinner with the Jaha’s and I tell Donna everything that has been going on with the Neuro Psych Exam and our plan to start Rhythmic Writing. She too has faith because she has seen Zack struggle through each phase and come out on top. She knows the power of prayer and reminds me that it doesn’t matter what grades Zack gets or what his therapist think will happen when he returns to school. Zack has already succeeded. When we get home Zack is laying on the couch talking with Tiffany (she watched the kids for us tonight). I ask him about the dance and he told me he had a lot of fun. He danced with a lot of different people and now he was very tired. He went to bed and we said goodbye to Tiffany. I fall asleep not discouraged but full of hope and a little anxious to see what God will do next. Zack still has aphasia and it will hamper his success in school. He still has a visual perception problem that makes it difficult to read which will also be a struggle in school. But we believe he can overcome these things and, whether he gets good grades or not, be successful. We ask for your continued prayers for Zack’s complete recovery. We pray that God will use Zack as a tool to witness to those who don’t understand the power of prayer that they may be convicted and see His mercy and glory. I have cried silent tears of hope through most of this posting and leave you to dwell on the promises of scripture.
James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
1 Peter 1:6 “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

Wednesday January 11, 2005

2006-01-11T13:05:00.001-04:00

Wednesday January 11, 2006 Zack is back in the swing of getting up at 7:00 in order to be at Frazier East for therapy. He is staying up later now since it is taking him longer to fall asleep when he goes to bed at 9:00. We talked about eliminating the afternoon nap but he is usually so tired when he get home from therapy that he really needs a short one. Dr Perri suggested we keep a sleeping log to determine how many hours a day he is sleeping. Since I anticipate starting Rhythmic Writing next week, and it needs to be done every day, it would be great if Zack didn’t need that nap but we will go with the flow.
Saturday Zack went with me to Kyle’s basketball game and really enjoyed it. At one point when she was sitting on the bench he went over to give her some pointers. She was smiling as he explained that she had to get the rebound because those boys on her team were not going to pass it to her (she is the only girl playing in her age group). In the afternoon we went to Dylan’s basketball game but he spent much of the time in the other gym shooting baskets with a guy on his baseball team from a few years ago. Physically
Zack is in great condition. He has started running in the evening and often does sit ups with the intent on getting his 6 pack back. Saturday night we went to Christian Academy Homecoming Game and Zack got to see all his friends including many who had graduated last year. Several people had not seen Zack since the hospital and were amazed at how great he looked. They were even more blown away when they talked with him. Several girls came up to hug me with tears in their eyes saying how blessed they were just to see him.
Sunday was such a nice day that Scott took Zack and Dylan to play golf after church. He said Zack played pretty decent, he still has a great drive but his form needs a lot of work. After gold Zack talked him into bowling and while they were there Scott got a phone call reminding him that the Easter Pageant at Southeast Christian was having a mandatory meeting and he had promised Kyle she could participate this year. They raced to church to sign up and it looks like Zack will be in it also. On Monday night Scott took Zack back to Southeast to audition and there were many people who recognized him as the boy they had been praying for over the last 6 months. It will be interesting to see if Zack gets any kind of minor role or maybe even a speaking part. They have started to give him some homework at Frazier East. He has to copy portions of the driver’s manual into his laptop and they quiz him on what he has learned. I am surprised at how he will sit for an hour and type away at a pretty good pace. Dr Perri still reads with him entries from this website to test his memory. Yesterday he sent home an old entry for Zack to read on his own and on Friday he will question him to see how much he retained (reading comprehension). Zack has told me several times he needs to get a job because he needs money (especially now with the Winter Ball this Saturday night). I told him on the way home that I had a project he could help me with to earn some money. Kyle’s birthday is this Friday and she wanted her room redecorated. I told Zack he could help me paint which he agreed to do as long as I would pay him (typical teenager). When we got home Zack took a short nap while I got everything prepared. Together we got two coats of orange (that’s right she wants her room orange and hot pink) paint on one wall. It was not an easy project since we were covering a light color. Between coats Zack ate pizza and I started to paint an old trunk that Kyle wanted orange also. Zack came back upstairs and was admiring our work and without looking sat on the trunk. Fortunately it was nearly dry so he didn’t get any paint on his clothes. We discussed how he had to really pay attention or we would end up with a big mess and then laughed as I fell into a newly painted portion of the wall and got orange paint on my t-shirt. Each night Zack and I play cards and talk about all kinds of things. We were watching TV and playing Kings in the Corner when “Remember the Titans” came on. We had an interesting conversation about prejudice and Zack said, “You know why I like black people so much? Because of Rick. He’s a really good guy”. It just proves that one person with a great attitude and a heart for God can be a good example for an entire race (at least to Zack). It makes you think twice about how you treat another driver during rush hour traffic when you have that Christian bumper sticker on your car. I have seen simple examples in Zack of what Dr Kraft told me would be a “deeper appreciation of life”. He always tells me when something I fixed him to eat is really good and he will go on about a particular actor he thinks is a good guy or a song that he really enjoys. He has learned to express his appreciation for many things he took for granted before the accident. He also asks me if I’m OK when he sees me stressing out and will offer to “take care of Dylan” if he causes me any trouble. I am looking forward to Saturday to see him dressed up for the dance and hear him describe how good it was to be dancing (I hope Kara wears comfortable shoes). Many readers have requested I post new pictures and I am working towards getting several scanned and posted (hopefully some from the dance. Please pray that Rhythmic Writing will help to develop new pathways and that we can work it into our daily schedule. Continue praying for complete recovery for God’s glory.

Friday January 6, 2006

2006-01-07T11:47:00.000-04:00

Friday January 6, 2006 Zack had to get back to his normal schedule in order to be at Frazier East for therapy this morning. The last few days he has been able to sleep in because he was taking his Neuro Psych Exam at Frazier Rehab downtown and didn’t have to be there until 1:00 pm. The first part of the exam was on Wednesday so before I left for work I wrote a list of things that Zack needed to do before I was back to pick him up. I woke him to give him his meds and also gave him his cell phone so that I could call and be sure that he was up on time. I decided to lay some clothes out for him because we would be visiting with the nursing staff on 4 South (where he lived for 69 days) and I wanted him to look nice (I didn’t want to show up and have him dressed in sweat pants).
His list included reminders to eat a good breakfast, shave and remember to put his pill case in his pocket. I arrived to pick him up in time for us to have lunch together. He looked great in his sport coat and his hair fixed perfectly with gel to hide his scars. As we ride to Frazier Rehab I remind him of who we will see there and he points out people in his photo album. He closes his book and says, “Don’t tell Dad but I’m really close to you now”. I remind him that I spent a lot of time with him the last 6 months and right after the accident I never left his side. I told him I was lucky to have an understanding boss that enabled me to be off for a long time but his Dad had to go back to work after two weeks or so. I told him he was never alone, except for late at night when he was sleeping, and that when I got too tired his Dad came to stay with him. When we get to Frazier we decide to let him walk up to the nurse’s station without me to see if they recognize him. He walks up and says, “Hello, have you seen Zack Hornback?” They were all in shock and couldn’t get over how good he looked. We got to see Dana, Jennifer, Shirley, Dr. Mook and Heidi. Zack recognized almost everyone but didn’t remember exactly what they did for him. Then we go to find Mary Beth (O.T.) and Amy (P.T.) in the therapy gym. They were quite impressed with him and couldn’t believe how good he looked. They promised to come to our house soon and play pool and then we went to see Kathy in speech. She recognized him right away and we discussed how aphasia is still his daily battle. She told Zack how in the beginning she thought he would never talk and that she spent many hours dealing with aphasia early in his recovery. Finally it was time for him to go to the psychology department and check in for his evaluation. While he met with Dr. Frantom I was given a stack of questions to answer. The first page was 150 questions about Zack’s behavior and then they handed me another form with just as many similar questions (and I thought Zack was the one being tested). Once Dr Frantom was finished with Zack she said she needed to ask me a few questions. I was with her for an hour discussing Zack’s symptoms and giving her information about the book I just read, Instrumental Enrichment and Rhythmic Writing. She explained that many therapists are resistant to new ideas because they have been education to think about therapy in one way (inside the box) and it is difficult for them to think outside of the box. She also tells me that it will take up to three weeks to get the evaluation results (and I thought we would know something next week). Finally I am able to leave and go back to work while Zack is being tested. When I return Zack is waiting for me and seems pretty upbeat. He nonchalantly tells me that the test was really hard then he clarifies it by saying that some of it was hard but some of it was easy. I asked him to give me an example of something that was hard for him and he said, “Name three vegetables”. He was not able to name one. Again we see that the aphasia has a tight hold on him. If they were to give him a list of 100 items and tell him there were 3 vegetables on that list he would correctly pick them out but he can’t recall their names on his own. We stop by again to say goodbye to Mary Beth and Amy and then go back to 4 South to see what night shift nurses might be on duty. We see Emily the ward secretary and the first one that Zack would flirt with all the time. She told Zack how he uses to ask her if she wanted to take a shower with him and then teased him that she had given him many showers while he was there. His face turned red and he got very embarrassed. We head for home and he tells me he is very tired and can’t wait to take a nap. While we were driving he puts on one of his new CD’s and says that this kind of music sounds really good to me. It is Switchfoot (when I look at the sun) and I am thankful that for a while I have a reprieve from Rap. Zack goes straight to bed and sleeps for 1 ½ hours and when he wakes up he is ready to play me in cards. We play while I am making dinner and then continue our game after we eat. Scott tells me he would like to go watch some football game somewhere and then Zack tells him he needs to talk to him about something. I hear him tell Zack to go get dressed and then Scott comes in to talk to me. He wants to know if I have any idea what Zack wants to talk to him about and seems amusingly nervous. He goes in the other room and Zack comes in to tell me that he is going to tell his Dad that he wants to get closer to him. Scott tells Zack to get in the truck and they leave. Fifteen minutes later they are back and Zack is smiling. He goes downstairs to play pool with Dylan and Scott sits down with tears in his eyes and tells me of their conversation. He says Zack told him that he has gotten really close to me and that’s great but he wants to spend more time with his Dad. Scott tells him about the song by Jim Croce (remember Cats in the cradle) that talks about a boy that always wanted to spend time with his Dad and his Dad never has time. Then the boy grows up and the Dad wants to spend time with him but the boy never has time. He told Zack (with tears streaming down his face) that he just gave him what every Dad wants…a teenage boy that wants to spend time with him. Zack finishes his pool game and comes up to play cards with me. I tell him how happy his Dad is that he wants to get close to him and then we talk about all our family has been through these last 6 months. I tell him how hard it was the first few weeks at University Hospital and how I started this website and people would post messages. I told him about one message in particular that was a gift from God during a very emotional time. I said it was from a teenage girl that went to Christian Academy and she was responding to my entry when I was so desperate for him to wake up. She told me that she believed that God was using this time to talk to Zack, that He was revealing himself to Zack and when He was through talking with him He would wake him up. Zack sat very quiet and listened to my story. I asked him if he felt like God had been talking with him and he said he hadn’t thought about it much until then but he thinks that maybe God was talking with him. He told me he really wanted me to find that message in the printed copies I have from the website. He went to bed with a very thoughtful expression and I began to read. I stayed up until after midnight searching for the message and finally found it on July 15th. Andrea Chadwick had said just that and she also believed that God was holding Zack tightly in his arms telling him that everything would be alright. I am transported back to that night and reliving the experience. I vividly remember how desperate I felt and that it was the first time that I was mad at Zack because he wouldn’t wake up. I was alone in his room at about 7:00 PM when I finally had time to read the postings that someone had printed off and brought to the hospital for me. I had read several before getting to Andrea’s and when I read it I felt Gods peace come over me like a blanket. I raised my hands to heaven in that darkened room and said “Thank you God”. Then I turned to look at Zack (no longer angry) and said, “When you are done talking with him, wake him up”. Now I am crying as I mark the page and head to bed. I try to sleep but am feeling all of the emotions of those early days. I thank God for rescuing us and drift to sleep knowing that he has miracles in store that will be revealed when I see Zack’s smile the next morning.
Thursday I repeat the list for Zack and go down to his room with his meds. I wake him long enough to hand him the pills and glass of water and then walk towards his closet. He stops me and says he wants to pick out his own clothes. I leave corrected and head to work. When I am on my way to pick him up he calls me wondering what is taking so long (apparently Dr. Perri’s fear that Zack wouldn’t want to go back to complete the 2nd part of the test is unfounded). I tell him I will be pulling up in 5 minutes and when I arrive he is standing on the corner waiting. He looks sharp, hair fixed just so and then I realize he is wearing the jacket to his new suit (the one I am expecting him to wear to Winter Ball next weekend). He smiles and says it is important to look good. When he gets in the car he turns the radio down and says he has two things to tell me. He says that after he tells me the first one he doesn’t want me to forget about the second. I am intrigued as he continues. He says, “I was with God a lot last night. I thought about all that stuff you read me. And the second thing is I want to learn some new dance moves.” I am torn between laughing and crying. He says that dance is next week and he wants to learn some new moves. I ask if he means slow dancing and he says no he is great at that, he wants some new moves to “tear up the dance floor”. We agree that he should talk to Rick Thompson because he can really dance. We grab a sandwich on the way and get there in time to visit the nursing staff on 4 South. This time we get to see the other Jennifer and her reaction to the Zack with hair. She recognizes him right away but is blown away at his progress. We stop in again to say hello to Mary Beth and Amy and Zack takes a turn at the “light board” in the therapy gym. He obviously is much better at this now and he knows it. He goes to the psychology office to begin the 2nd half of the test. We sit down and Zack tells me that he really likes those two girls, they are his “buds” and I tell him that they loved him. He looks at me surprised and says, “How could they love me when I was so messed up when I was here?” That’s why they loved you, I replied and I leave to go back to work. When I return to pick him up at 4:00 he is not finished. They come out to tell me that they have about 30 minutes longer that he could either complete now or come back on another day. He is tired but wants to get it over with so I wait. While he continues I ask one of the therapist how he is doing. She seems surprised at how well he is doing in the math portion of the test and confirms what Frazier East has said, that his math skills are in tact. However in reading comprehension he is not doing so well. As Zack would put it “I suck at reading”.
The aphasia is a major barrier here but also his visual perception problem makes just simply reading difficult. He has to exert all of his resources just to stay on the line he is trying to read (remember his eye movements are three times what they should be) then he has no energy left for comprehension. He would do better if we read him the paragraphs but then the aphasia would still prevent him from understanding some of the words we were reading. Zack was an honors English student and now he could not tell you what a vegetable is. We are not discouraged. Time, therapy and prayer will heal this deficit and we have faith that in Gods timing we will beat aphasia. It is 6:00 pm when we get home and Zack is very tired. We had eaten a sandwich on the drive home so he goes straight to bed. I go to wake him at 7:00 (Brooke Willoughby and her Mom had arrived) and Zack is walking up the stairs. He plays pool with Brooke and we watch “Dancing with the Stars” (I tease him about picking up some of their dance moves). After they leave we sit in the living room and I read to him again about the early days in the hospital. He stares at his feet as I recall the day when I fought with the doctors about pulling the tube out of his mouth because he hated it so much. I read to him the many postings by teenagers who were praying for him, even those that had never met him. He listens quietly for nearly an hour and then tells me he is tired, wants to go to bed and I can read more to him tomorrow. He stands up to leave and says, “I really am much closer to God now”. Again I stay up until after midnight reading these early postings. I vividly remember the night that I spent in his room, comforting him as he pointed to the tube in his mouth. I would pray with him, made promises to get that tube out and fought with the doctors the next day to have it removed. Memories of events come flooding back as I sat staring at those pages with tears streaming down my face. I remember the day that Dr Mutchnick came to explain that some patients aren’t able to manage the fluid that the brain produces and a shunt has to be put in to drain the fluid into the stomach. I asked him if he thought Zack would need it and what else could they do to “wake him up”. He looked at me and said the cruelest words I had heard since the ER doctor told us Zack may not live. He gestured to Zack lying motionless in his bed and said, “You need to get use to the idea that this may be all you ever have”. I looked at him in shock as he continued, “He may never wake up”. He left me in that room crying and so devastated that I didn’t even put it on the website. I remember walking like a zombie through the halls of the hospital that night mumbling the 23 Psalm and crying out to God. He heard me. I read about the day I went to look at Kosair Hospital with the intent of having Zack transferred there when he could no longer stay in University ICU. Although I had asked for God’s guidance I had already made up my mind and told Dr Mutchnick to start the process. But later that night when I called Kim Meyers (nurse for the Neurosurgery group) to see if they had started those arrangements she told me that Zack had been denied as a patient by Dr Moriority at Kosair. I was in shock and then she told me that we might want to start looking at transitional homes (their nice way of saying that Zack might be put in a nursing home). These were the lowest moments of our time at University and as I read about them every emotion comes flooding back. But then I read the posted messages…hundreds of people lifting Zack up in prayer, many of them never met him. I remember my niece bringing me the postings to the hospital one day and pointing out certain messages from teenagers quoting scripture. She was amazed at their depth of faith and their assurance that Zack would wake up. When you doubt this generation of teenagers just read what they wrote to me out of their own despair…how they turned to God for the answers. I go to sleep with that picture in my mind of God on his throne smiling down at me saying “Oh Eileen just wait until tomorrow”. We have physical evidence of the power of prayer and the mercy of our awesome God.
Friday Zack is back at Frasier East to continue therapy. He takes his driving manual with him with the intent to convince Suzanne (OT) that he is ready to take the test. When I pick him up I talk with her about how he did on the Neuro Psych evaluation. Zack had already told her that it was very hard and we discussed how specific his injury is to the language portion of his brain. She told me that her and Leslie (speech) had talked about ways to help Zack recall those words and suggested that a laptop computer might help. They agree that like most teenagers Zack does not take very good notes but he likes working on the computer so they want to develop techniques to incorporate a laptop into his therapy. She said it is obvious that Zack is very intelligent and they are baffled by his aphasia. She also agrees to let Carol Britton (a tutor from Christian Academy) come in next week to observe Zack in speech and OT so we can begin working with her on Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment. I have hopes that these Christian based methods will develop new pathways and be the key to unlocking Zack’s words. They see them as treatments for people with learning disabilities (not brain injuries) and aren’t certain that they are applicable for Zack. I hope to change their opinion with Zack’s success. But considering where we were just six months ago, Zack lying in bed unable to walk, talk or feed himself, aphasia seems like a small problem. We pray specifically that God will re-file those words properly in Zack’s brain and have faith that in His time it will happen. God is probably laughing with us at some of the comical words Zack uses to express relatively simple request (we only have to look at the Giraffe to appreciate God’s humor). But if it never completely goes away and Zack always struggles to read we are a far cry from “this may be all you ever have” and him not speaking at all. When we are discouraged we only need to read the first 2 months of postings to put it all back into perspective. Zack’s life has been changed forever, not by aphasia, but by the knowledge of how many people cared for him. Many others have been changed by Zack’s story and, although they may not be as conscientious about their choices now as they were when this first happened, they only need to see Zack to be reminded of how God answers prayers. Zack’s understanding that he is closer to God is worth more than an honors degree. We are blessed beyond belief but this is not over. We pray with certainty that God will continue to heal Zack and use it for His glory. Continue praying for complete recovery and know in your heart “The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall: but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Tuesday January 3, 2006

2006-01-04T00:10:00.000-04:00

Tuesday January 3, 2006 Zack was back up at his usual 7:00 am and had breakfast. I had set out his meds, Amantadine for brain stimulation and Lexapro for depression (of which we haven’t seen any) as I usually did, plus one extra Amantadine capsule that he puts in his pill case to take at lunch time. After he showered and dressed he came to the kitchen where I was getting a cup of coffee (probably my third since I’m dependant). I asked him if he had his pill container and he turned to go get it when I noticed the Amantadine was no longer on the counter. I asked him what he did with it and he said he took all his pills. I asked him if he took the red one and the small white one and he said yes. I asked him where the other red one was and he said, “I took that one too”. I reminded him that one of those was for the afternoon and then wondered if he would be extra attentive this morning. Fortunately I had read enough to know that it wouldn’t hurt him but was a little concerned that he had forgotten our morning ritual of the past two months. We had a little extra time before we needed to leave so Zack got the deck of cards and wanted to play “Kings in the Corner” (a card game that Scott at Frazier had taught him). He plays it very well and generally beats his therapist but he was remembering last night when I had beaten him 4 games to 2. He was not letting me get off so easy and wanted a rematch. It is a quick game that involves attention to detail and we had just enough time for me to beat him two more times. I guess the extra dose of Amantadine is not that fast acting (actually I was luckier with the cards I drew because generally Zack beats me). Driving to school he asked me again who he was supposed to talk to about getting his drivers license. I told him Suzanne (his occupational therapist) was the one to approve that and he said he was going to talk to her this morning. Barely an hour had past when I got a call from Zack saying he had talked to Suzanne and she said it was time for him to take the permit test. I was surprised, congratulated Zack who was very excited and hung up apprehensive at the news. I wasn’t ready for him to drive, even if he was. I don’t know if I will be ready a year from now but apparently I will have no choice. I am thinking about him as I go on to my appointments and again when I am at the office. I have his photo album with me and look through pictures of him in the hospital and at Frazier Rehab. Since tomorrow he takes the first part of the Neuro Psych Evaluation I told him we would go see Mary Beth, Amy, Kathy and the nursing staff on 4 South while we were at Frazier Rehab. We had been looking at the album together and he was pointing out people that he wanted to see. Now as I looked at those photo’s I am thinking of the mother who sat at the bedside of a very badly hurt boy just a few short months ago. She never imagined that her biggest fear in early January would be him getting his drivers permit. She never allowed herself to think much past the next day. On this day in August we were still trying to get Zack to recognize that there was a world on the right side of the room. He didn’t speak or walk or hold his head up for very long. Back then the thought of him driving never entered my mind and now I can’t get stop thinking about it. God has brought us so far in such a short period of time (although to Zack it seems like an eternity since his 16th birthday and he “should be driving”). It doesn’t take anyone but a glance in his photo album to see how different he is from several months ago. There are differences in him, although not as immediately obvious, now than before his accident. Not just the aphasia which is still a daily battle but in personality. It was pointed out to me on New Years Eve as we attended a party at the Jaha’s. Zack and the girls were with us (Dylan was at the middle school party at Southeast Christian Church). Michelle Jaha had her friends there and many of them had met Zack before the accident. I was talking with Michelle and several other girls when Zack came up to ask me a question, smiled at them and said he was looking forward to dancing later and went to sit with Tiffany (since she just had knee surgery she was on crutches). Michelle watched him walk away and shook her head saying “He’s so different now”. Before the accident when Zack went to their house with us he would nod a hello, then withdraw to a corner and get on his cell phone. It was a countdown to when he could leave and meet up with his friends. Now he talks with Michelle and her friends (seniors as Assumption High School) and enjoys himself in whatever situation he is in. He always comes to me surprised that people know about his accident (I on the contrary am surprised when anyone hasn’t heard about it). He is friendlier or outgoing in an innocent sort of way. Prior to the Jaha’s party we had stopped by another party to visit with old friends of ours who now live in New York. They had not seen us for a year and had heard about Zack’s accident from mutual friends. Kurt and Maronda were astonished to see Zack with us. He sat on the couch with them and explained each picture in his photo album. At one point when I joined them to offer further description of what they were seeing, Maronda said that Zack had told them everything pointing out his favorite pictures. He always refers to the pictures of him in the hospital as “this is when I was really messed up” but then quickly flips to his favorite one at Frazier Rehab with girls on each side giving him a kiss. At the Jaha’s as the clock strikes midnight and we all go around hugging and kissing everyone, Zack give Donna a kiss, smiles at her and says, “Hey, thanks for being at the hospital with me. I heard you were there more than my Mom (looks at me and laughs). Just kidding. No really thanks for being there for me”. He goes to talk with someone else and Donna turns to hug me. It is all we need to end this year…Zack with us, his sincere appreciation and that smile.
Zack calls me again after lunch to remind me to get there early to pick him up so I can talk to Suzanne about him driving. When I see her she is talking with another patient but stops to acknowledge me. I tell her that Zack called me and said that she told him he was ready to get his license. She replied, “No, no no. I told him he was getting closer to being ready for the test”. We laugh about Zack’s interpretation and I tell her that I’m not sure I will be ready for Zack to drive in three years. She says she doesn’t think she can hold it off that long but she understands how I feel. She also says he is doing much better and suggests that he bring his driving manual in so they can start reviewing the information. Zack walks up in time to hear that he has to start reading the manual and being quizzed on the information. Although reading is probably his least favorite thing to do right now he is anxious to start driving and will do whatever is required. On the way home I tell him that there is a Boys Varsity Basketball game tonight at Christian Academy and that we should see if Rick wants to go with us. He takes a short nap, we eat a quick dinner and head to the game. Although none of his friends are there yet he doesn’t want to sit with me and heads to the bleachers where all the other kids are sitting. Before long Rick arrives and my cell phone starts vibrating. It is Zack, only a few bleacher seats above me, calling to say he is thirsty and has no money. Some things never change! Zack got to visit with many students that he doesn’t get to see often and I spend most of the game talking to other parents. Everyone is interested in Zack’s progress and when he may be able to come back to school. I explain that he is still battling aphasia and needs more therapy but we hope he will return to school by the end of February. The Neuro Psych Exam will tell us a lot more. His deficits will be clearly identified and an individual education plan put in place. It is an important step in his recovery, so they can formalize the remaining portion of his therapy focusing on specific weaknesses, and the first step in returning to school. He will get to sleep a little later tomorrow and then we head downtown around noon. He will be tested until 4:00. He’s excited but has no idea what to expect. Dr Perri is worried that after the first day I will have a difficult time getting him back there on Thursday. I think Zack will rise to the occasion and although he will find it hard, tiring and somewhat frustrating, he knows how important it is and will want to do his best…both days. Pray that God will grant him extra stamina, determination and prolonged attention. Pray that if the results are less than we hope for that we will be encouraged for what he is capable of doing. Pray that his attitude will be a testimony to the strength he has through Christ Jesus. Pray for even fleeting moments that his recovery will be a testimony to Gods awesome healing power.
Let him be a witness to a bright future of hope, in spite of tragedy, through faith in God’s promise in Mark 9:23 “Everything is possible for him who believes”. Having a vision doesn’t necessarily mean knowing the specifics about what is going to happen next. It has to do with sensing the general direction you’re moving in and having hope that something good is on the horizon. It’s knowing that you do have a future and a purpose, and that it is bright. Continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery for God’s glory.

Friday December 30, 2005

2005-12-31T17:25:00.000-04:00

Friday December 30, 2005 Zack returned to therapy yesterday after having a Christmas break for a week. He had enjoyed himself hanging out with friends and even let Dylan go to Puzzles one day to play games with him and Rick. Now as I packed his lunch he also packed school books (history, science and literature) in his backpack. As we drove to Frazier he told me that all his friends were still out of school and it wasn’t fair that he had to go back. I reminded him that he had his Neuro Psych Exam next week and it was important that he work on his cognitive skills and not just be on vacation right before the evaluation. He talked about his previous girlfriend Marissa and her visit this past Wednesday night. She had brought him a Christmas present and he remembered that it had “been good with her”. When I picked him up at 3:00 I went in to talk with Leslie (primary speech therapist). I was anxious to hear how he did with his school books but she said they did not get to them yet. Instead they had played several card games that were word based and he did quite well. He caught on to the concept of the games but still had difficulty with some of the language portion. When we got home he had time for a short nap before we all headed to Iceland for the “Jaha friends and family annual pond skate” (they rent the rink for several hours). Zack’s therapists were not keen on the idea of him ice skating, afraid that he might fall and suffer another head injury (which at this point would be tragic). I had assured Leslie that this was a controlled environment, that Zack would wear a hockey helmet and that I would be skating with him. Zack was the first one in our group with his skates on and didn’t seem to have any trouble balancing (of course we weren’t on the ice yet). Once I got the girls ready and Buddy gave us the go ahead we headed onto the ice. Several of Michelle Jaha’s friends took Logan so I could stay close by Zack. He skated with ease and kept asking me why I was following him. I was grateful when his friend Rick arrived so that I could relax my guard a little. We were not on the ice 10 minutes when I saw Logan crying and was told that she had fallen. I took her off the ice and examined the huge goose egg on her forehead. Of course she had fallen face first and hit, of all things, her head on the ice. That was it for her. The skates came off and we applied ice to her head. After a few minutes of TLC
I told her I had to get back onto the ice to watch Zack until her Dad got there. Fortunately, that was our only mishap. Zack seemed perfectly at ease on the ice, at times skating backwards, and never losing his balance. Still I was relieved when he decided to go upstairs to play games. We enjoyed eating pizza and talking with other friends of the Jaha’s (many of whom had been praying for Zack’s recovery). It was about 9:30 when Zack came to me and said it was time to go. I mentioned that it was still early but he looked at his cell phone and said, “It’s getting late and I have school tomorrow”. I smiled at his responsible attitude knowing that he was tired and agreed to let Rick take him home. When we arrived an hour later Rick was watching TV and Zack was sound asleep.
Friday He got to sleep in until 7:30 because I didn’t have to go to work. Scott took him to Frazier and I took advantage of a rare moment to read. The other kids were still asleep, the house was quiet and I picked up the book I had started a month ago (given to me by Janet Smith, Zack’s 8th grade Science teacher). I eagerly read “What to do about your Brain Injured Child” by Glenn Doman and finally am forced to put it down after three hours when Logan decides I’ve read enough. The book is fascinating and full of information on how to treat brain injury but I am drawn to it’s concepts by the beliefs of the writer. Glenn Doman founded the Institute for the Achievement of Human Potential,
world-renowned for their work with brain-injured children and their pursuit of perfect programs to make them well. He probably knows more about brain injury in children than anyone alive yet he believes that every mother in the world knows more about her child than he does. He believes in parents, teaches them how to fix their children, because he is sure that parents get better results than any professional. I am reminded about what Dr Kraft told me at Frazier Rehab. It has only been recognized in the last five years or so what makes the difference in recovery of patients of the same age and type of brain injury. Those patients with “family support” recover more completely. A mother’s touch is powerful medicine for the brain injured child. Our instincts have told us that for hundreds of years and now there are reliable studies to back up that fact. His book explains how they came to the realization that you can not treat the symptoms of brain injury but instead must treat the injured brain and the symptoms will spontaneously improve as the brain is healed. When someone with a brain injury loses the ability to walk, it doesn’t matter how many methods are used to train the legs, without treating the brain they will never regain the ability to walk. It is not a problem with the legs but a problem with the brain. I can relate to this with Zack’s visual perception problems. He sees perfectly, it is not a problem with his eyes, but rather a problem with the way his brain perceives what his eyes are seeing. I feel empowered after reading the book and take it with me when I pick Zack up from therapy Friday afternoon. Again I go to talk with Leslie to see how they did working with Zack’s school books. He told me that the reading was very hard but he did pretty good. Leslie showed me what they worked on in Biology. She had him read a paragraph on photosynthesis but again his aphasia was a barrier. It is difficult for him to explain the process of photosynthesis when he can not understand the word flower. He knows what a flower is but associating the word to the object is the struggle of aphasia. She would have to break apart each sentence if there were words he didn’t grasp until he understood what they were. Then he could explain the process. The knowledge is there we just have to discover where it is stored and tap into it. It is a long and tedious process but one in which we will eventually be successful with continued therapy. Zack is very bright and has a great attitude but his aphasia will keep him from being successful in the classroom so that is the focus of his therapy. Leslie then explained that his current insurance benefits will run out at the end of January and he is not expected to be ready to go back to school at that time. I will need to petition for additional insurance benefits in order to keep Zack in therapy. At the end of our conversation I show Leslie the book I am reading and promise to let her read it when I am through. Then I talk with Dr. Perri about Zack’s Neuro Psych exam next week. He said that Zack is pumped up about it and I explain that he knows he can’t return to school until he has this evaluation. Once we get the evaluation we will have a meeting with Dr. Perri to review the results. I told him that I knew Zack had taken an aptitude test at school as a Freshman and I would try to get a copy. It would be helpful to compare it with the Neuro Psych results. I also show Dr Perri the book, tell him it would be good reading for him as well and head to the car. Zack is mildly irritated that I had kept him waiting until I explain that it was important that I have these conversations with his therapist. He says he is very tired and just wants to go to sleep. He asks if his friend Rick is still at our house (he doesn’t want to hurt his feelings but he is going straight to bed, whether Rick is there or not). We listen to music for awhile and then Zack turns down the radio and says, “Mom you want to know what I’ve been thinking for awhile? I need to get a job. All of my friends have money and I need some.” I ask him what kind of job he thinks he could do and he says he doesn’t really care as long as they pay him to do it. Then I ask him when he would go to work. He says he would work from 4:00 to 7:00. I ask him if he is tired and he yawns so I ask him when he would take a nap if he had to work after therapy. He says, “I don’t know Mom, you’re making this too hard”. I point out that there are several of his friends who don’t work and they manage to have money so we would figure out a way for him to earn it at home. He smiles, yawns and says “As long as I get to sleep”. After we get home I have to wake him at 6:00 to get ready to leave. We are going to the Dwinnells (his friend Dan’s house) along with the Raines (his friend Andrew) for a Christmas gathering. Both families supported us through difficult days at University Hospital and continued regular visits when Zack was at Frazier Rehab. Now it was time to come together under more pleasant circumstances and celebrate our blessings. Zack enjoyed the company of his friends (as well as all the other kids) and we discussed Zack’s accident, recovery and prognosis. Steve Dwinnell is working with me on a book so he had specific questions for both Scott and I. He wanted to know who answered the initial phone call from the police and what the drive was like to the hospital. Scott still gets very emotional when he talks about that night. He says he would rather get a tape recorder and sit down alone and re-live them at another time. This strong construction worker, with the quick wit and teasing personality becomes weak with raw emotion when he thinks about Zack’s accident. It was a wonderful evening and the time to leave came way too early. When we arrive home at 10:30 Zack heads to bed and Scott and I sit in the living room talking about his progress. I tell him about all the things I have learned from the book I am reading, especially the important role of parents in the recovery process. He says we have known that from the beginning purely by instinct. When you love your child so much it is hard to fathom how much more God loves us. We continue to seek His healing hand for Zack. His word alone can unscramble the words in Zack’s head. We ask that you pray with us in full confidence of His power so that He may be glorified through Zack’s recovery. Remember 1 John 5:15 “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hear us.”

Monday December 26, 2005

2005-12-27T15:21:00.000-04:00

Monday December 26, 2005 Christmas Eve we went to the 3:00 service at Southeast Christian Church and although we were running late and it was very crowded we all got to sit together on the first floor. Of course the whole family was dressed up and Zack wore his hat (like my Daddy’s). After church we went to Scott’s aunt and uncle’s house, which is a family tradition. The only difference is that my Mom was not feeling well enough to go with us but we will pick her up later. At least she would be able to spend the night and be with us Christmas morning. Scott’s brother Jay was in from Florida and got to see Zack for the first time since University Hospital. He has been following his progress on the website and getting updates from his Mom but it is quite different when you see him in person. Jay hugged him and tears welled up in his eyes. Zack asked him if he knew that he had an accident and Jay explained that he came to see him in the hospital. We opened presents after dinner and Zack was genuinely grateful for each gift. His cousin Garrett had burned him a CD of U2’s greatest hits and Zack had to call him in Chicago to thank him. Scott left early to pick my Mom up and we listened to Zack’s new CD on the ride home. My Mom enjoyed playing the card game “golf” with Zack before he headed for bed. Once all the kids were asleep Scott and I began putting presents around the tree. Then we had to sneak downstairs without waking Zack up and put together the Ping Pong Table we got them. By 1:00 AM everything is done and we head to bed anticipating an early morning.
Tuesday Christmas Day Logan was the first one up and excitedly ran downstairs to see that Santa had come. Scott had the coffee ready by the time all of us gathered in the family room. We settled in a circle and held hands and Zack prayed. He thanked God that we were all able to be together and that he was “no longer wrecked”. He reminded us to be thankful for whatever we got “even if we didn’t like it”. Kyle began to pass out presents and Zack sat on the couch and watched as his little sisters opened presents. He opened a few and then went to his room to get the presents that he had personally picked for each one of us. I opened a pair of earrings that he said were very sexy and he gave Scott a traveling coffee mug with a handwritten note inside. He thanked his Dad for “being there since the beginning” and his “Christian ways” and told him how much he loved him. Zack could not have given his Dad a better present. My Mom cried when I gave her a framed picture of Zack inscribed with Rev 21:5 “He makes all things new”. Zack went back to bed and I took my Mom to church before taking her back home. At 2:00 we headed to Rita & Louie’s (Scotts parents) for Christmas dinner and more gifts. Rita always goes overboard with big bags of presents and it takes hours to open everything. Zack was sitting on the couch with me watching Dylan dig through his bag and he told me, “Next year I’m not going to be a kid ‘cause I just want to sit on the couch and watch everyone else open their presents”. He said he didn’t want anything because he already had a great Christmas. That was before he opened a box that contained 50 $1 bills. Then he carefully opened each box in search for “more cash”. We stayed through dessert and then went to the Jaha’s for Christmas Open House. We were the first family to arrive so I played pool with Zack. As Donna was putting food out Zack asked me if they knew he was in an accident. I explained that Donna was there everyday and when I had to go back to work she would stay with him. I gave Donna a framed picture of Zack, her and I together with the Revelations inscription and a single picture of Zack in a magnet frame for her refrigerator. She put it on the refrigerator and showed it to Zack. He smiled and said, “My Mom told me you were at the hospital a lot…thanks for that”.
Before long there were many friends there and all were amazed to see Zack laughing and playing pool. Driving home I asked Zack if he remembered Christmas from the past and he said no. I prodded him to try to remember but he said he can only remember the feeling it gave him. We talked about what he does remember and I realize that he really only remembers the “feelings” associated with people or events, not anything that actually happened. He told me the girl he dated for a long time (Marissa), that he didn’t really remember dating her but he remembers that it was good. He said he knows he played baseball, that he pitched but he doesn’t remember any details. I asked him if it bothered him that he doesn’t remember those things and he said no, he has the feelings of them. He said he sings in church more now and he knows he is closer to Jesus. I ask him if he feels like God has drawn him closer, he nods yes and says “that’s good”. Then he smiles, turns the radio up and starts singing. We pull in the driveway and he turns the radio down and says we had a really good day today. I agree and he asks if I’m ready for him to whoop me in pool. We head downstairs and he beats me 4 games of Ping Pong and 3 games of pool. Finally he says he thinks I have had enough and tells me goodnight.
Once everyone is in bed I go around turning off Christmas lights and pondering the events of the day. It had made me sad to think that Zack didn’t remember any past Christmas or scoring in a ball game. But then I thought about what he had said. He had the “feelings” of those memories and that is the best part anyway. We can dwell on what we don’t have any more and feel sorry for ourselves or we can focus on what we still have and be thankful. We have Zack showing us how to be happy despite his circumstance. We have my Mom another Christmas morning experiencing the joy of children opening presents. We have the knowledge that our loving Father hears our prayers and wants to give us the desires of our heart. We have a stronger faith, a trust that He is in control and a joy that passes all understanding. Merry Christmas and continue praying for complete recovery in the New Year!

Wednesday December 21, 2005

2005-12-22T02:04:00.000-04:00

Wednesday December 21, 2005 Zack was excited that today would be his last day of therapy for awhile. He was going to have a little Christmas break until Thursday the 29th and was looking forward to spending time with his friends. He was hoping for more time off but he has his Neuropsych evaluation on January 4th and 5th so Leslie (primary/speech therapist) thought it would be better to have him in therapy. You can’t really study for this evaluation but it still will benefit him to be prepared through therapy. Since this is a long, tiring and difficult evaluation we were lucky that Dr. Perri got it split up into two days. Dr. Perri talked to Zack about taking better notes after each therapy session (which will help me understand what he does each day). Leslie asked me to get several of his books from school. Since they work on reading comprehension daily she thought they should start using his own school books so she asked for science, history and literature. She said they didn’t need to work on with math and since it was not language based he shouldn’t have any trouble with it. She suggested that they start out with Freshman level books and work their way up. I told her it might be hard to get his books right now since they were out for Christmas break but I would see what I could do. I called Mr. Greener from Christian Academy and fortunately he had a meeting at school on Thursday and would gather the books that we needed. When Zack returns after break he will carry a back pack with school books to therapy. It will be interesting when they start sending homework with him because he has not dealt with that in a long time. He recognizes that not having homework is a definite advantage of the “school” he goes to now. When we arrived home there was a reporter from the Courier Journal waiting for us. We had spoken to Bill Pike before and he was preparing an article to run on Thanksgiving. After he wrote the article the senior editors at the paper embraced the idea and wanted him to do a more in depth story. He was coming back to interview Zack some more and Scott. We took him downstairs and showed him the wall full of pictures of Zack’s friends. We also showed him the memorabilia from the hospital including all the golf balls with messages from his friends, the helmet and signed picture from Pat Day and the baseball hit out of Slugger field that Scott chased down and brought to Zack at Frazier Rehab one day. Bill was impressed with the nice little “bachelor pad” we had made for Zack and his friends to come hang out. He started by asking Zack how things are different for him now and Zack told him about the changes in his social life (not being able to ride around with his friends, missing school). It was harder for Zack to explain the differences in his thinking (other than it is hard to read). Then he asked Scott how this had affected him. It didn’t take long for Scott to become emotional telling him how he felt the first time we saw Zack in the emergency room after the accident. Scott was very clear that we believe prayer and faith in God’s healing hand is what brought all of us through this tragedy. He told him two stories that not many people have heard. The day Matt (the driver) was coming to see Zack at the hospital and Scott had not forgiven him. He said he couldn’t be there and went to Pat’s Steak House. He explained how horrible he felt driving there with such mixed emotions, begging God to save Zack’s life and then hating Matt at the same time. He sat down at Pats in a turmoil of emotions, looked at a young guy working there and said, “My son is lying in a coma in the hospital, please give me 4 or 5 words of encouragement”. The guy just stared at him and Scott apologized saying that it wasn’t fair to lay that on him. The guy told him to wait just a minute and came back from the kitchen with a man in an apron. It turned out to be the owner of Pat’s Steak House and ironically his son had been hit by a car, suffered a traumatic brain injury and had his skull removed just like Zack. Scott said in the middle of the dinner hour on a crowded Saturday night they talked for 20 minutes. He said there seemed to be a glow around him and although he remembered very little of what he said it was all about love and forgiveness. When he walked out the door he had completely forgiven Matt and had that peace that passes all understanding. But that’s not all. The young man who Scott first asked for encouragement happened to be the son who had the accident. God was with Scott that night, hearing his prayers and knowing the confusion he felt. Pleading for mercy yet not giving forgiveness. God answered his prayers in a thunderous way. By this time in his story Scott is crying and Bill is furiously taking notes. Scott tells him there is one more story. In the first days at the hospital Scott would take walks to get away from the crowds of concerned visitors. He had found a spot outside by a tree where he would bury his face in his hands and weep. Returning from one of these breaks one day he could hardly pick his feet up to walk. He was standing in the lobby waiting for the elevator when he turned to the women at the information booth at University and said, “My son is in critical condition upstairs”. He looked back at the elevator and then turned to her and said, “I don’t know why I just told you that”. Linda smiled and responded, “Because now you have a direct line to God. I’m a prayer warrior”. Right then she prayed with Scott, hugged him, cried with him and rescued him. God put her in just the right place to speak to Scott at just the right moment. When he was at one of his weakest moments Linda was there to show him hope. He called her his angel and every day we would see her and many times she would say, “He’s doing better today, isn’t he?” Her church prayed for Zack and she came to see him at Frazier Rehab. Zack got to meet her when we came back to University to have his bone flap replaced and she calls him her special friend. By this time Scott tells the reporter that he is through except to say that we know the hand of God has been with Zack since that first day. Bill asked him one more question that he says seems rather silly now but wants to know how this has changed him. Scott told him that this has changed so many people but the biggest change in him is that his faith is stronger than ever. Zack and I answer a few more questions and then Zack says he is very tired and needs to take a nap. I walk Bill to the door and realize we have been talking for 1 ½ hours. Scott had showered and needed to meet with his accountant. He stopped in at Scotty’s Ribs and was talking with Scotty when a man looked at him and said, “I know you. We were at University when your son was there”. He reminded Scott of a conversation they had. Their son had also been in an accident and was in surgery. They were in the surgery waiting room and so were we. They were distraught and crying and Scott saw them. He approached them to comfort them and give them hope. They asked him, “Why are you worried about us because you have terrible things going on yourself”. Scott said that was the first time that he felt God pushing him to reach out to others in pain and show them the hope that is possible with God. This same man sat eating at Scotty’s and told Scott how much he helped them that day. Now their son is back wrestling at Trinity and they follow Zack’s progress on the website. By the time he left there Scott’s mind was not much on the business he needed to review with Teri. Just when our lives seem to be adjusting to our new normal people cross our paths to remind us of the many times He rescued us. When we were weakest He carried us. When we needed hope He sent us Linda. When we needed forgiveness He sent us Pat. When we needed grace he sent us Jesus. His divine love and protection has never left us. When we were silent with sorrow He whispered…mercy. When we sobbed in despair He thundered…Here I AM! Now we pray knowing that He hears us and wait expectantly for His blessings. Be with us in prayer for complete recovery for Gods Glory.

Sunday December 18, 2005

2005-12-19T14:53:00.000-04:00

Sunday December 18, 2005 I guess you’ve noticed by now that I am no longer posting every day. I am trying to get adjusted to our new normal, we are busy with Christmas festivities and I don’t always have something to say so I plan to post several days at one
time. Friday Zack said goodbye to Scott (his OT therapist student). He and Scott had
really bonded but he took it well. He told me he was going to be leaving soon anyway to go back to Christian Academy. Kara, Trey and Dani stopped by Friday when Zack got home from Frazier. We traded pictures from the concert and our trip to Nashville. Before long Nick, Matt and several others dropped by for a short visit. I am pleased that his friends still come by to see him and feel comfortable at our house. By 7:00 Zack and I picked up Kaitlyn and Alexa and they went to the movies. They had planned to get something to eat afterwards and wanted to go to BW3’s. I was concerned about the second hand smoke (which can cause seizures after a brain injury) so I told Kaitlyn she needed to check things out before they decided to stay. Fortunately they ate and were ready to leave before their scheduled pick up time. Zack told me he had a really good time but was ready for bed.
Saturday Zack woke up excited about the UofL vs UofK game. Trey was having several people over to watch the game and Zack was anxious to see his friends even though many
of them would be cheering against his team, UofL. He knew there would be several girls there so he got dressed up for the occasion (in a suit jacket). He called me several times during the game and told me how disappointed he was in the way they were playing. He came home after the game and took a short nap before we headed to my family’s Christmas party. Zack was looking forward to it because the clubhouse where we were going had a golf simulator room and he wanted to try it out. Scott was not feeling well and had to stay home so Zack was planning on figuring it out by himself. My sister Karen was in from Virginia and hadn’t seen Zack since September. Several of my nieces and nephews hadn’t seen him in at least that long so everyone was amazed at how well he was doing. Before long the guys were playing golf and Zack was having a great time with his cousins. Periodically he would find me throughout the evening and tell me what
was going on. He told me he missed his Dad and wished he could have been there. He had an interesting, blunt conversation (and pretty funny although she might not have thought so) with his seventeen year old cousin who just had a baby. Whatever he is thinking is likely to be voiced. He sat with my Mom (Nana, who is almost 88 and not in good health) and talked with her about Christmas. We took lots of pictures and Zack told me later that this could be the last Christmas Nana is with us. Before the night was over he was in the car with several of his cousins listening to music. He came to me at 9:00 and said he was tired and ready to leave. I told him to give me a little more time and he looked at the clock and reminded me that he needed to get to bed because he had church tomorrow. I packed up a plate of desserts for Scott and headed home.
Sunday morning I fixed pancakes and since Scott was feeling better he got Zack to his high school worship. Sitting in church Sunday morning listening to Christmas music I was overcome with emotion. I needed Kleenex so I got up to go to the ladies room. Walking up the aisle I pass Bob Russle (senior minister) and he stops me. He tells me how happy he is to hear Zack is doing so well and we sure have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas. I agree and hurry out the door. In the bathroom overcome with emotion I break down in tears. We are blessed beyond belief this Christmas. Not only do we have Zack with us but he is an amazing, special person. Not just alive but full of life. He is happy, funny, mysteriously innocent and yet definitely a teenager. I return to my seat unable to sing. I listen to the sermon and my mind wanders to events over the past five months. As soon as the service is over I jump from my seat, hurry to the door anxious to find Zack waiting for us in the atrium. And there he is, smiling as he comes to put his arm around me. He asks to ride with his Dad so they can get something to eat. Later as I am with the girls at a birthday party Zack calls me to say he has a “proposition for the evening”. He doesn’t want to go to church which surprises me. He said, “You know I love church and it was good this morning but I just want to go to eat and be with my family”. I tell him that sounds wonderful and it would only be Mom, Dad, Dylan and him since the girls would still be at their party. We meet at BW3’s and decide it’s too smoky so we move to Wicks Pizza. We enjoy a quiet dinner just the four of us and on the way home we listen to his Grits CD. He stops the music at one point and tells me I really need to talk to his school about him getting his drivers license. When we get home he gets on the computer and is looking up information on Ky. Drivers license written test.
I don’t think he is ready to take the test but it is not up to me anyway. I promise him that I will call Frazier in the morning and talk to Suzanne (O.T. therapist). Before long he has given up trying to get the information off the computer and is downstairs playing pool with Dylan. He comes up to tell me good night and is asleep at 10:00.
Looking over the last three days and understanding what problems we could be facing (or for that matter the issues every parent of teenagers deal with on a daily basis) you can see how tremendously blessed we are. God has rescued us from tragedy and placed us just this side of heaven. We recognize that there will be issues to deal with in the future but God has not put us in this situation alone. He is always present and we feel him in Zack’s smile. May all of you have a blessed Christmas and share in our special joy this year. Please continue praying for complete recovery.

Thursday December 15, 2005

2005-12-16T00:57:00.000-04:00

Thursday December 15, 2005 Zack was up eating breakfast at 7:15 and in a good mood. On the way to Frazier East we were listening to the radio and talking about different songs. We hit stop-n-go traffic on Highway 42 and he started making up dancing in his seat. Before long I had joined in and the people in cars around us must have thought we were nuts. We were having a great time when Zack turned to me and said, “Mom I don’t want to go to school. I just want to ride around with you all day listening to music”. I told him I had to go to work and he said I wouldn’t get in trouble. He was trying so hard that I started to feel guilty about working but he smiled and said it was o.k. When I dropped him off he told me to have a great day, not to run over any chocolate moose and I love you. I was in a meeting a work when my cell phone rang at about 11:00. It was Zack asking “Wats up?” I was surprised and asked him what he was doing and he explained that he was waiting for someone else to get finished before it was his turn. Then he said he just called to tell me he loved me. I returned to my boss’s office with tears in my eyes feeling so blessed to have the son God has given us. Scott was picking him up from therapy today and I was anxious to get home to see him but he was already taking his nap. He woke up as I was cooking dinner and came in to say hello. He and Scott headed downstairs to play pool until dinner. I couldn’t help but think how lucky we were. I remembered driving home from work in silence looking at the cloud filled sky and asking God why he blessed us so much. This could have turned out so differently yet we truly live the scripture in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God truly can take any situation and (although you may not see it at the time) turn it into something good. It helps to look for the good, to wait expectantly for His timing. Please continue praying expectantly for Zack’s complete recovery.
Jeremiah 17:7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him”.

Wednesday December 14, 2005

2005-12-15T01:01:00.000-04:00

Wednesday December 14, 2005 Zack got up at his usual time, ate breakfast, showered and dressed before I was ready to leave. We got out his notebook and read some of the things his friends had wrote to him when he was in the hospital. It touched me deeply how sincerely they professed their belief that he would get better. Zack laughed at how many people (girls and guys) had said they loved him but he appreciated what they wrote. As we drive to Frazier East we talk about the basketball game last night. I took him, with Kyle and Logan, to Ballard High School to see Christian Academy varsity team play. We went because Brooke was playing and Zack wanted to see how good the girl’s team was. He was amazed and kept telling me how awesome Brooke was. He also would point out every girl in the gym that he thought was cute. He started out by sitting with me but before half time he was in the midst of the rest of the Christian Academy students. We left at halftime of the varsity boy’s game and walking out to the car Zack told me he had a really bad headache. On the way home Scott called to say that Tiffany and Britney were at the house waiting for Zack. Since we hadn’t had any dinner yet we decided to meet them at BW3’s but I had barely hung up when Zack told me his head hurt really bad so he just wanted to go home. I called Tiffany back and told her we had to pass and went through Wendy’s drive thru for dinner. Zack ate his food, took some Tylenol and went straight to bed. I was concerned and checked on him to be sure he was all right. By the time I went to bed my imagination was running rampant and I was sure Zack had some kind of blood clot in his brain. I went to bed praying and crying to please let him wake up in the morning. Of course he was fine and woke up smiling with no headache. He frequently rubs on his head because he says it itches which is probably due to his scalp healing. Every time he gets a headache I get a little paranoid. Today he went on an outing to Louisville Science Center. He had a list of questions to answer and certain exhibits to find. I found it interesting that he listed as his favorite exhibits “drunken goggles” (where you put on goggles that inhibit your sight and have to take a field sobriety test) and “out of control” (where you wear the goggle and simulate driving a car drunk). Zack commented that they wrecked a lot when they drove the car with the goggles on. He said his favorite thing to do there was “virtual reality” where he got to play volleyball and soccer (two sports he won’t get to play for at least 2 years). They went to McDonalds to eat and when I picked him up at 3:00 he was very tired and went straight to bed when he got home. Laura (one of the girls in the accident) came to see him tonight. They watched a movie and played pool and before she left they were reading his notebook. I talked to him about getting him some time off of therapy during Christmas break so he could spend time with his friends. Leslie (speech therapist) and Suzanne (occupation therapist) will both be off at separate times so his therapy will be on a different schedule and not as intense. He really thinks it’s unfair that his friends get out of school and he doesn’t so Leslie agreed that it wouldn’t hurt him to have a little break. She told me that Zack commented that he wasn’t going to like the snow this year because that just meant he had to stay inside and watch movies. At least he understands that for him the snow is not safe. Now we have to plan some things for him to do with his friends or he told me he planned to sleep a lot. I called several of his friends and told them that Zack would like to get together over break but he could not go sleigh riding, skiing or ice skating. The movies, bowling, mall or hanging out at some ones house were all options but I wanted to get some plans in place in advance. If you have teenagers you can appreciate how hard that is to do because they don’t like to make plans. Even going to the movies is different, they don’t decide what they are going to see until they get there and don’t seem to mind if they have missed part of the movie. We are actually in a position where most parents of teenagers would like to experience…in control of their social life. It is much more critical for us with Zack for obvious reasons but the unique thing is that his friends understand what we have gone through these last five months. They are willing to cooperate with rules that might seem a little smothering to some but they have been with us through all his recovery and appreciate are fear. Zack has such good friends and it doesn’t hurt that I have documented his experience in pictures as a reminder. Now I can give them the notebook and let them read about how they were feeling only a short time ago and it puts everything back in perspective. We want Zack to be happy, enjoy his friends but he has to be safe. When he goes to bed tonight he is tired but happy, no headache. He comes to hug me and tells me he loves me. He hugs Kyle who is eager for his attention. We close another day looking to a bright tomorrow. Not knowing what is in store a month from now but accepting that it is in God’s hands. He will make everything right in His time. Time is what we need most and time is in His hands. Pray for contentment for Zack during Christmas break to do things with his friends that are safe. Pray that his friends never forget the lesson that Zack lives each day. Pray for continued healing for God’s glory.

Monday December 12, 2005

2005-12-13T01:07:00.000-04:00

Monday December 12, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00, ate breakfast and had his shower. His Dad was taking him to therapy today so I fixed his lunch and made sure he took his meds.
On my way to work he called me and asked, “Who is that person that has to say its ok for me to get my drivers license?” I reminded him that Suzanne, his Occupational therapist would tell him when he was ready and he told me he was going to ask her today. When we hung up I decided to call Leslie, his speech and primary therapist, to let her know that Zack was going to ask about driving again. She agreed with me that he was not ready and wouldn’t pass the written test. She explained that he is doing very well but is still having a difficult time with language (aphasia). He especially has problems with food which is why they frequently have exercises where they categorize food items. I also told her to have the therapist talk to him about sleigh riding (something she hadn’t considered since they don’t get a lot of kids there and adults typically don’t ask to go sleigh riding). She was going to impress upon him how dangerous sleigh riding could be for him and she would ask the other therapist their opinions on ice skating. She told me that Zack had been tired all last week, he had fun in Nashville but it did him in. We have to recoup when we go out of town for the weekend so if makes sense that Zack would take a little longer to get back into the swing of things. Leslie also told me that today was Megan’s last day and Friday would be Scott’s last day. Zack has become very attached to both Megan (speech therapy student) and Scott (occupational therapy student) so he would be sad to see them leave. He referred to both of them as his friends. He has already started working with Jose (new occupational therapist student) but hasn’t really bonded with him yet. Hopefully the transition will be smooth. When I picked Zack up I was a little late which he pointed out, but with a smile on his face. Then he showed me his shoes. He was wearing bedroom slippers; with sweat pants and a dress shirt (I always knew Scott didn’t know how to dress the kids). He said that Megan had to come back tomorrow so he was going to dress nice for her and wear his hat (the one I bought him for the dance). He was very tired and looked forward to going home to bed. He asked if we had anything planned for tonight because he might go to dinner with Andrew. He said Andrew had wanted to see him last night but only got to stop over for a little bit since we were going to church. That got us talking about church and how much he liked the music there. He said the music was good in high school worship on Sunday morning (“I held my hand up a whole bunch”) but he liked the Vine better. He reminded me that I needed to talk to his friends about the concert at the Fairgrounds in February (someone posted a message with details about it). He really wanted to go since Toby Mac was going to be there (now he believes that white guys can rap) so I needed to get tickets. I am hoping the Southeast Christian will plan a trip for the youth group and maybe take a bunch of us in a bus. We arrive home and Zack heads to bed for his nap. When he wakes up he comes to talk to me again about going to dinner with Andrew. I hadn’t really planned anything for dinner (and wasn’t sure what there was to cook) so I agreed but I had to drop him off. He takes a shower and gets dressed before calling Andrew. I was busy helping Dylan with a Spanish project when Zack said it was time to leave and Andrew was on the phone. They decided to go to Applebee’s, right down the street, so I gave in and let him ride with Andrew. It is so hard to let go after all we have been through but Zack wants so much to just be a normal teenager again. We have had many discussions with him about how he is not like other teenagers (no contact sports, no 2nd hand smoke) so he clings to the areas that make him feel normal, like riding with Andrew. Scott and I talk about what kind of activity we can get him interested in that he can do at home. He loves to play pool and cards and video games but we were hoping to find something relaxing that would also help with cognitive issues. I will have to get Leslie to brainstorm for some “homework” type activities. Zack is asking about his Christmas break since he knows all of his friends will be out of school for a while. I don’t quite know what to tell him since technically he doesn’t get a Christmas break other than a few days. It would not be good for him to be without therapy for an extended period of time right now. We will have to plan for some extra time with his friends but still keep him in therapy as much as possible. We don’t want him to become depressed because his friends are out of school and he still has to go. We have to take one day at a time and pray for God to lead us to the right choices. Each decision at times can seem so monumental in its consequences. I am thankful that I am not in control. God has a time for everything and He works in us what needs to be done to prepare us for what is ahead. Having a sense of God’s timing brings peace to wait on the Lord for it. Please pray that we will have peace with each decision. Pray for continued healing and complete recovery for God’s glory.

Saturday December 10, 2005

2005-12-11T16:51:00.000-04:00

Saturday December 10, 2005 Zack got to sleep in cause it was Saturday and he had the big dance tonight. Kyle had a basketball game at 10:00 am and while I was there I got a message on my cell phone from Zack. He called to say I needed to hurry and come home to help him with “the appropriations for my display tonight”. I giggled at the little professor in him and knew that he was telling me that he needed me to help him find his suit for the dance tonight (this is the sometimes amusing part of aphasia). I called Zack and told him to try on his suit and to also look in our closet to see if he wanted to wear any of his Dad’s suits. He asked me “what’s a suit again” and I told him not to worry about it, that I would help him when I got home (this is the reality of aphasia). We stopped by the florist to pick up Tiffany’s flowers on the way home and when I arrived Zack was wearing one of his Dad’s jackets. I helped him search for the pants but apparently they were at the drycleaners. I called Scott and asked about the clothes he took to the cleaners and he was silent for a moment before telling me they were still in the backseat of his truck. We go to Zack’s closet and he tries on the suit I bought him last year. It was ridiculously small with the sleeves coming about four inches from his wrist (and I bought it intentionally large but he has grown a lot). I was trying to convince him that his black dress pants went fine with his Dad’s black suit coat when Scott called and told me to just buy him a new suit (or he would when he got home from work…which meant a lot more money than I would spend). We dropped Dylan off at Eastern High School for his basketball game and then headed to the store to look for a suit. Fortunately there are a lot of sales going on at Christmas so I was able to buy a suit and shirt at a reasonable price and then I spotted a hat. It was a hat just like my Daddy use to wear and I knew it would look great on Zack. He tried it on and asked Andrew (who just happened to stop in the store) if he thought he should wear it to the dance. We all agreed that Zack looked good in it so I bought the hat too. We got to Eastern in plenty of time to watch Dylan’s game and Zack was telling Rita about the suit and hat I bought him. Rita told me that she didn’t really know Zack right before the accident because he was always busy with his friends and when he was around his grandparents he never had much to say. Now he initiated conversations with them, laughed at Grandpa’s silly jokes and genuinely enjoyed talking to them. Rita looked at me teary eyed and said she wasn’t sorry he had his accident because now he was perfect. By halftime Zack was getting tired and asked for my car keys so he could try to take a nap. After about ten minutes I sent his cousin Haley to go check on him and she came back saying he was asleep in the backseat but had the car running so the heat would be on. Zack’s friend Brook had come to the game at Dylan’s request and she volunteered to go out and turn the car off. She returned with a smiling (but still sleepy) Zack. The game was running long and Zack was worried about having enough time to get ready for the dance. Since I had to hem the pants on his new suit we made arrangements for someone to bring Dylan home after the game and headed for home. Zack jumped in the shower and I started to iron his new shirt. As I fitted his pants on him and tried to cut the extra material off I realized that those two cups of coffee at the game to warm me up had done nothing to steady my hand. Fortunately Scott got home from work and I told him he was going to have to hem Zack’s pants while I finished ironing the shirt and got myself ready. When I came downstairs I found Scott on the couch with the sewing kit and the scotch tape. He had sewed one leg and was now trying to tape the other hem. Trying not to be critical I told him that tape was never going to hold his hem in place once he started dancing and we would be better off using a stapler. Finally Zack in his new hat and suit with one leg stapled headed out the door to Tiffany’s house. We arrived twenty minutes late and quickly followed her to a friend’s house where we were taking pictures. We were the last to arrive and everyone introduced themselves to Zack (it was obvious that they all were aware of his “special circumstances”). We took pictures (Tiffany looked wonderful in her red dress) and I met several parents who graciously informed me that they had kept up with Zack on the website. The kids headed to the restaurant for dinner and I walked out with Tiffany’s Mom. As we made our way down the sidewalk she told me that Tiffany had been worried about the icy sidewalk in front of her house, saying that Zack could not slip and fall. It is just like Tiffany to be more concerned about Zack than herself, trying to walk on ice in high heals. As I made my way to a restaurant to meet Scott for dinner I had to wipe tears away thinking about Zack at the dance. He had been to several dances before his accident but this emotionally felt like sending him off for the first time. I desperately wanted to be there to watch him laughing and dancing. Scott and I enjoyed our meal together without any kids although we spent a lot of the night talking about them. When we were through I told Scott I had to go by the dance to try and see Zack but he said there was no way he was letting Zack catch him there. I arrived at Assumption at about 10:00 PM and talked my way in the front door (fortunately the nice women I talked to knew about Zack and was sympathetic to my request). I knew I would find him on the dance floor so I headed in that direction. I ran into Michelle Jaha (my close friend Donna’s daughter) and her friends as I entered the gym. I told them I had to see Zack dancing and they helped to hide me amongst the teenagers. I spotted him on the dance floor with his hat on having a ball. Michelle volunteered to get some pictures for me so Zack posed not knowing that she had his Mom’s camera. I was getting ready to leave when the DJ announced a dedication going out to Zack Hornback and then started to play Rascal Flats “I thank God this broken road led me straight to you”. Well that did me in and the tears flowed as I watched Zack slow dance with Tiffany. I don’t know who requested the song or what it meant to them (I suspect Tiffany) but to me the broken road was Zack’s accident and it led him back to God. I headed to my car and felt lucky to have been there to witness another event in his life (without getting caught). Scott called and asked me to stop by his Mom’s to pick the girls up because he knew Rita would want to know about the dance. Tiffany called to say they were heading back to our house so I didn’t stay long at Rita’s, hoping for an opportunity to talk to them before Tiffany left and Zack went to bed. Driving home we were stopped by a terrible accident on the Gene Snyder. Fire Engines, police and ambulances had the highway blocked and I commented to Kyle in the back seat that it was really bad. We got off on Westport Road, made our way around the accident and were listening to some sad country song when I heard Kyle sniffling. I assumed she was touched by the song but when she continued to sniffle after it was over I asked her if she had a cold. She said no so I asked her what was wrong and then she really started crying. She told me she hates to see accidents and that one was really bad, someone might have died and it could have been Zack. I tried my best to comfort her by saying how blessed we were that Zack was with us but she just needed to cry. Unfortunately when we finally got home, Tiffany was gone and Zack was in bed. I couldn’t help it so I went to his room to just give him a kiss and ask him if he had a good time. He was still awake but told me how tired he was. He said he had a great time dancing with Tiffany but now he just wanted to go to sleep. I did get a smile out of him when I told him that I was sure he was the best looking guy at the dance, especially in his hat. I’m hoping my Mom will be able to dig a picture up of my Dad with his hat on (he died in 1980) so I can show it to Zack. I had told him earlier in the week that he had gotten his dancing abilities from my Dad and now I want to show him how much they look alike in their hats. He had a great night which made a perfect day for me. I sat down with Scott and told him what I saw at the dance and he filled me in on when Tiffany brought him home. It was after midnight when Scott went to bed but I just couldn’t go to sleep yet. I wanted to dwell on the evening just a little longer, being thankful that Zack is alive, happy, laughing and dancing…and perfect in God’s eyes. We all fall short of the glory of God but I see God’s glory shining anew in Zack’s life. We live Psalm 4:7 “You have put gladness in my heart”. And I read “You have delivered my soul from death. Have you not kept my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?” Psalm 56:13 This is Zack; rescued from death and walking before God, as a testimony of His mercy and power, in the light of the living. We pray that he will have many opportunities to share his story with others. That his faith will grow strong as God gently restores him. The aphasia will slip away and be replaced with words of wisdom spoken from God’s compassion. How we love him, but not nearly as much as God has shown him His love. Please continue to pray for complete recovery so that one day Zack may speak of God’s Glory!

Thursday December 8, 2005

2005-12-08T23:38:00.000-04:00

Thursday December 8, 2005 Zack was up at his usual time, ate, showered, dressed and was ready to go before I was. He took my keys and went to the car so he could listen to some music. We were nearly to the freeway when I realized that Zack had not taken his medication, we both forgot. We drove back to the house and he took his pills and then we headed to Frazier East. On the way we talked about Laura, the girl who was in the accident with him and who met him at church last night. She had called him earlier in the week and he invited her to the Junior Christmas party at Southeast Christian. He was asking me about her because he didn’t remember her at all. We looked her picture up in his photo album (she had come to visit him once at Frazier Rehab) and talked about the accident. She met him at Southeast and gave him a letter saying how hard it was for her to see his condition in the hospital but how amazed she was at his recovery. In therapy they worked more on cognitive issues (categorizing, word retrieval, organization) and vision (dealing with his perception problems). It started snowing and Scott was worried about getting him to the dentist to get fitted for a new retainer (never found the last one). We called and got his appointment moved up an hour so that they could make it home before the streets got bad. When I got home we ate dinner and then Zack went downstairs to play pool with Dylan and Kyle. A few times he came upstairs to tell me he was looking forward to dancing at the prom with Tiffany on Saturday. He reminded me that we had to get his clothes ready. He appears to be very much a normal teenage boy, in love with music, interested in girls, except that there are many words he searches for in order to express himself. It embarrasses Scott that when he can’t think of the word for something Zack substitutes “crap”. “Where’s the crap that I put on my lips?” (Chap Stick) “I need that thing to take the crap off of my face” (razor). It’s not the nicest word but it could be worse (I’ve grown use to it I guess because it doesn’t bother me). When I mention that he should find another word to use besides “crap” he always says O.K. but then “crap” just naturally comes out. He started using it more often when we stopped letting him get by with sign language to express what he wanted. It is much the same when he calls people “G” because he can’t remember their name. When he meets someone that he truly doesn’t know (but has probably met before) he always shakes their hand and calls them “Buddy”. It’s safe, he doesn’t have to try to guess their name and people think he really remembers them. He really is pretty good at expressing himself and socializing without too much attention on his deficits. And he is basically happy, genuinely happy, maybe tired but content, wanting to go back to school with his friends but still cooperative in therapy. As the snow falls tonight I dread the morning. Not that I am scared to drive in the snow but that all kids thoughts turn to sleigh riding when they see it snowing. I know sooner or later Zack is going to want to go and that is definitely something that we can’t let happen. I visualize him soaring down a hill with a big smile on his face and then hitting head on into a tree. We can not risk another head injury, not even a little one. Of course snow skiing is off limits (which Zack really enjoyed last winter) but sledding seems so harmless. Dylan and Kyle will ask to go and I know Zack’s friends will be planning a trip to the hills at the park. As God blankets the hills with beautiful white flakes I will be praying for the sun to shine brightly and melt them before the kids can get their boots on. I will have to ask Zack’s therapist to discuss the risks of another head injury and the danger of sledding. I need someone else of authority to help get the point across. I wonder about ice skating? Please pray that Zack will understand why he can’t go sledding and that it will not run his whole winter. Pray that we will be firm in our decision. Please continue to pray for complete recovery as a testimony of the mercy and power of God.

Tuesday December 6, 2005

2005-12-07T00:51:00.000-04:00

Tuesday December 6, 2005 Zack got to sleep a little later this morning, fixed his own breakfast and was coming upstairs for a shower when I first saw him. Although he had just woken up (and had gone to bed at 9:30) he looked at me and said he was so tired. When it was time to leave he told me that I needed to take him back to the dentist to get his retainer fixed since it was hurting his gums. I asked him to let me see it and then handed it back to him and watched him put it in his pocket. Scott was going to call Dr Zanger and try to get him into the office today so Zack was taking his retainer with him to rehab. On the way to Frazier East we listened to some country music (left over habit from our trip to Nashville) and talked about this weekend. He is looking forward to going to the Assumptions Junior prom with Tiffany and said he was going to tear the dance floor up. In therapy he had three cognition sessions with Megan at different times today. He had to take words from a list and put them into categories to work on his word finding and recognition. He searches through lists of foods and has to categorize them into fruits, vegetables, meats and deserts. He still suffers with aphasia (language disorder caused by his brain injury) which is a major factor to his successful return to school. He can’t very well write a term paper on Christopher Columbus is he can’t remember the word for “ship”. These cognition exercises help him to file those words back into his memory but it takes time. He has not reached the six month point which is a critical landmark in brain injury recovery. His other obstacle is the visual perception problems which are being addressed with vision therapy. In vision therapy he does tracking exercises in which he scans lines from left to write looking for consecutive letters of the alphabet. He is timed and wears an eye patch to cover one eye each time. I am very anxious to see if vision therapy will increase his reading skills, both in speed and comprehension. Scott picks Zack up to take him to the dentist at 3:30. When they arrive Zack can not find his retainer. He searches his pockets, his lunch box and they call Frazier to see if anyone has found it. No luck. They go home without a retainer. Tomorrow Zack will search the rooms at Frazier and hopefully it will turn up. I had picked my Mom up after work and brought her to our house. We all ate dinner and left for Logan’s Christmas program at Christian Academy. Logan was an angel (like most of the girls in the program) and they sang Christmas carols. Before his accident Zack would have complained about having to go to her program and probably come up with some huge homework project to keep him from going. Tonight he got ready and wanted to go early with me to get Logan there on time. He sat in the audience and waved at her and even sang along on the songs he knew. After the program we came home and Zack played pool with Kyle. He came to tell me goodnight at 9:00 and headed to bed. He didn’t seem to miss his friends tonight and was content to be with his family. He is still very cooperative and my Mom commented that he seems happier. How blessed we are that such a tragic experience has turned out this way. We truly have a merciful, wonderful God and we are learning to trust Him. I want to respond to a posted message from a concerned parent about their teenager. I count myself fortunate that I get to spend a lot of time with Zack’s friends and am drawn into their world. I hear about what some kids are doing and cringe that their memory of Zack’s accident can seem so vague. It is that underdeveloped frontal lobe. They can’t help it. They just don’t have the physiological development to make good decisions all the time. That’s why God gave them parents: to set boundaries, curfews, guidelines and rules. Teenagers have to realize that it is God’s design; He put parents in place as authority over them to help them make wise decisions until they are physiologically developed to make those decisions on their own. That would be at about 23 years old, when the frontal lobe, which is responsible for reasoning and logic, is fully developed (go to the archives of August 5th to learn more). So at about the time most kids have graduated from college and are starting a career or maybe a family of their own, God has designed them to be able to make reasonable decisions on their own. Isn’t it ironic that at about that time children no longer think their parents are idiots and actually seek their opinion. Maybe that is part of the frontal lobe development…that we finally realize that the wisdom of our parents is worth more than the heartache cause by some of the dumb decisions we make on our own. I want to remind teenagers that authority given by God to their parents is a loving gift, a blessing that they need to learn to embrace. I would like to advise parents as well. Understand that your teenager can not always make good decisions and it is your job to insure that they are not put in situations that require them to make decisions that they aren’t ready for. Chances are 50% of the time they will not make the right decision. You can help them by knowing who their friends are, where they are going “specifically” when they walk out the door, call and check up on them. It is not a matter of trust; it is parental love and understanding the dangerous opportunities our children face. Situations that many times they would rather not have to face. One more piece of advice for parents. Once your children have gone to bed for the night there is no reason for them to have their cell phone (house phone or computer for that matter). Communication with the outside world should cease once you expect them to be in bed…and stay there. I speak from hard learned experience. I would have never thought Zack would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night and it wouldn’t have been as easy (or tempting) if communication with his accomplices wasn’t available. Don’t think your alarm system will stop them either. I have talked to some of your kids that know exactly how to get around the alarm system (remember it’s designed to keep people out, not in). As moody, mouthy, self-centered and difficult as they can be, teenagers need their parents. They are in a difficult time in their life, desiring freedom yet not quite being capable of handling it. They have pressures at school, pressures at home and pressure from their friends. And to top it off their hormones are in full swing. They need their parents to be understanding, respectful and love them enough to limit the amount of opportunities they have to make foolish decisions. Pray that your children will be caught in their disobedience so bad behavior can be corrected before it becomes a habit. God designed us with free will, freedom to choose between right and wrong. He knew that left to our own devices we would generally chose to rebel. He gave us a way out. He set boundaries and guidelines for His children and he wrote them down in the Bible. And He tells us that if we love Him we will understand that these Words of wisdom set us free. We have the freedom to choose to do it His way and He will give us more than we could hope or imagine as our reward. I speak to that from experience too. Look at what he has done for Zack. We prayed that he would walk and God had him dancing. We prayed that he would talk and God had him singing. We prayed (apprehensively) that he would get to go to Dallas to recover and God brings him home where his family and friends can nurture him to a more complete recovery. He is farther along at five months than they expected him to be in a year. There is only one answer for that…a loving, powerful God hearing prayers and delighting in exceeding our expectations. Pray for all parents and teenagers that they will embrace the role God has designed for them. Pray for Zack's continued complete recovery for His glory.
Ephesians 5:15 "Be very careful then how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity for the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish but understand what the Lord's will is".

Sunday December 4, 2005

2005-12-05T01:11:00.000-04:00

Sunday December 4, 2005 What a great weekend we had. Zack, six of his friends and I left for Nashville about 2:00 on Friday. We arrived at my friends, Kelly and Barry Paul’s house in time to change and head to Lipscomb University for the Winter Wonderslam concert featuring Toby Mac, Grits, Barlow Girls and Mathew West. All are Christian rap or rock artist. Zack was very excited because Kim, a friend and neighbor of Kelly’s, had gotten us Meet and Greet passes. Before the concert began Zack, Andrew, Try and I went to meet Toby Mac, Barlow Girls and Mathew West. We got autographs and pictures and then were interviewed by the Today Show (which will air sometime in mid Dec). Once the concert began Zack and his friends went to the floor in front of the stage and I could see Zack’s head boppin to the music. He was really looking forward to Grit (Christian rap) and by the time they were on stage I was down on the floor too. It was a great concert and Toby Mac was the main attraction and last performer. He was ½ way through his performance when Zack looked at me and said, “This is all for him”. He had just realized that Toby Mac was the featured artist and everyone else was just leading up to him. He was finally convinced that “white guys” can rap and was blown away by the show. I thought he would be worn out because he hadn’t had a nap but at the end of the concert he was still jamming (several of his friends were sitting down). Once back at Kelly’s house they stayed up until after 2:00 AM when we finally made them turn off the TV and go to sleep. Saturday we headed to the Mall to go shopping. Kelly’s boys went with us (Alex 10 and Jackson 7) and they were quite fascinated with these teenagers. At one store they got to talking to a salesgirl who ironically had been in a car accident and had to have her face reconstructed. Zack showed her the scars on his head and they traded stories (it was also obvious that he was using his experience to flirt with this cute salesgirl). That night we went to Shogun for dinner and laughed through most of our meal. Rick (Zack’s friend who is now at Western University) entertained us and got everyone singing songs and playing word games. Scott had told me earlier in the day to be sure to pay for all the kids meals and tell them it was from Mr. Hornback. As we were leaving I told everyone to thank Mr. Hornback because the dinner was on him. Zack looked at me confused and said, “Mr. Hornback bought everyone’s dinner? Why”. I said he just wanted to and Zack pointed at Barry Paul and said, “His name is Mr. Hornback too?” We laughed and I explained that had talked to his Dad earlier and he wanted to buy his friends dinner. Back at Kelly’s the kids (including Kelly’s boys) played hide and go seek upstairs in the dark. Again it was 2:00 AM when we finally had to shut down the party so we could get some sleep. I woke up at 6:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I knew that we were going to the Paul’s church this morning and they were showing slides and introducing Zack to the congregation. Grassland Heights Baptist Church has been praying for Zack since his accident and several of their members had been following his progress on the website. I had met Linda at Kelly’s house on Saturday and she was emotional as she looked at his photo album. Barry called the pastor and told him we were in town and they decided to put something together at the last minute. Kelly, Zack and I arrived early and met with Brother Rusty in his office. We discussed Zack’s experience in more detail and how it has impacted our family as well as many other people. We take our place in the church and Zack waits expectantly for his friends to arrive. He chooses to sit with them (Andrew, Trey, Rick, Tiffany, Kara and Brittany) a row behind Barry, Kelly and I. Their service included a skit put on by the youth group and a report from a missionary to Africa (they were kicking off their International Missions program). At the end of the service Brother Rusty told about Zack’s accident and welcomed our group to the service. They showed a slide presentation of the pictures from our photo album set to music. Then they asked Zack and I to come forward to give our testimony. Brother Rusty welcomed us to the pulpit explaining that Zack should not have lived but here he was standing before them. He shook Zack’s hand and asked him to share his story. Zack had readily come forward, stood before the congregation and smiled. At the microphone he looked at me, then at his audience and said, “Yes I was in an accident and basically don’t sneak out”. He looked again at me and smiled telling me that was all he had. He is not afraid or shy to be before an audience but he still doesn’t quite know how to express himself. I then took the opportunity to speak to the young people in the audience. I explained how Zack could have been the poster boy for “This could never happen to me” and that as his parents we never thought that he would sneak out in the middle of the night. I impressed upon them how “seemingly innocent choices can change their lives forever”, that God put their parents as authority over them to help them make good decisions and that we serve a mighty God who can take tragic situations and use them as a testimony. I told them that this church was one of many that prayed for Zack’s healing and that God answered those prayers beyond what we could have hoped or imagined. I shared that if I had to chose between the Zack before the accident (the A student) or the Zack after the accident who struggled to read that I don’t know which one I would pick but I am very happy with the one God gave us. It was very moving and emotional for me and the audience. We returned to our seats and Brother Rusty asked me a few more questions. They then asked Zack and I to come to the front of the church with his friends and all the young people of the congregation. They prayed for continued healing for Zack and wisdom for the teenagers hearing his story. After the service several of the kids came up to meet Zack and many parents thanked me for speaking to them. I couldn’t help thinking about the scripture reference from Luke that Brother Rusty had used in his sermon. “To whom much is given, much will be required”. We have been given so much. God has blessed us with a remarkable healing and given us back our new and improved son. I feel compelled to tell others of the mercy and power our Heavenly Father. I am reminded of the Leper who was healed by Jesus and was told to go tell everyone what had happened. We too have been touched by God. His healing hand has worked wonders in Zack’s life in the last five months and we pray with confidence that his recovery will continue. We say goodbye to the Paul’s (I am sure that Alex and Jackson will miss the houseful of roudy teenagers but Barry and Kelly will get a full night’s sleep). Zack checks the time and reminds me that he wants to make it back to Louisville in time to go to church tonight. He doesn’t want to miss the Vine, especially “that guy that sings”, but I know it is unlikely we will be back in time. As I drive back to Louisville with a car full of sleeping teenagers I am wondering where God will lead us next. How different our life is now. Not one I would have necessarily chosen but one that I am extremely grateful for. I wonder when I will step aside and hear Zack tell his audience how prayer carried him through a difficult time. We live in the moment. We understand so clearly now that God is in control. We listen carefully for we know that sometimes God whispers…but then again sometimes He sends thunder. How ironic that Zack looks towards the heavens and points out clouds with the suns halo surrounding them. He draws our eyes towards the heavens. Look up knowing that God hears your prayers. Be confident in His power and embrace His mercy. Please continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery so God can be glorified.

Thursday December 1, 2005

2005-12-01T23:12:00.000-04:00

Thursday December 1, 2005 Zack slept until 7:00 and then had sausage and biscuits for breakfast. Ironically he said he wanted cereal (much easier for me) but thanked me for making it for him anyway. After his shower he came in to ask me if I got the tickets to the concert in Nashville. I explained to him that last night at 10:30 I received a phone call from Toby Macs manager. She said she got my letter and was I still looking for tickets. I told her absolutely and she explained that she was managing tickets tomorrow and would do what she could to set 10 tickets aside for us. She promised to call today and let us know what she was able to do. Zack was very excited and asked if that meant we were going to the concert. I told him it sounded good but it wasn’t a done deal yet. He got dressed and came in with sunglasses on and asked me if he looked good. He was in a great mood driving to Frazier East, listening to music and talking about the concert. He had speech therapy with Leslie. He read and had to memorize a factual paragraph and then talk about what he read and write it down. All of this focuses on attention to detail with the goal of returning to school. In physical therapy with Amy he was on a stationary bike for 30 minutes to work on his endurance and in occupational therapy with Scott they worked on visual scanning and impulsivity. Rita picked him up from Frazier today because Scott was still working. I spoke at Male High School to about 100 high school students through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). They were very attentive some even emotional. Several of Zack’s friends were there, including our neighbors Brooke Donovan and Michael Getz. I thought I was going to make it through without crying but near the end I couldn’t help myself. There was time left for questions so I got to impress upon them that if something like this could happen to Zack then it could happen to anyone of them. I urged them to listen to their parent’s council and have faith that we serve a mighty God who can accomplish anything if they turn control of their lives over to Him. Several students came up to my afterward to thank me as well as Steve Wigginton (the regional FCA Director). I am hoping that he can arrange for me to speak at Manual, Eastern, Ballard and Oldham County high schools. I have had students from several of these schools contact me saying that our message needed to be heard at their school. God has so richly blessed us through Zack’s recovery that I have to give back by sharing our story. His mercies never cease and teenagers need to understand that He is real and powerful. When I get home Zack is taking a nap but as soon as he wakes up he comes looking for me. He wants to know if I heard from anyone about the tickets. I try to occupy myself with laundry but then Kelly (my friend in Nashville) calls wanting an update. Scott tells Zack that he needs to go to his room and ask God to work the tickets out but to also thank Him for whatever the answer might be. Zack says that he is also going to ask God to “get his head better so he can drive”. At least this concert has kept his mind off of driving for most of this week. Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer and I called Toby Mac’s manager, apologized for being impatient and asked if she had tickets for us. Of course the good Lord will have 10 tickets waiting for us at the ticket window and Zack and I were jumping for joy. We called his friends and told them the news. I am as excited as they are as I help Zack pack and then pack myself. We will be in Nashville when the doors open at 5:30 to be sure we get good seats. It will be an experience to remember and I hope all Zack’s friends come back big fans of Christian rock and rap. I can’t wait to see Zack as he sings the words to songs memorized over the last few weeks. I know there will be hands in the air and it will be my reward just to see the joy on his face. Every parent wishes to give their children what they desire. How much more our Heavenly Father wants to give good things to His children. Pray that this trip will have a spiritual significance for all of us. Pray for traveling mercies as we travel across the mountains of Tennessee. Praise God that there are Christians in the entertainment business that know that the fastest way to a teenagers heart is through music. Give thanks to our Heavenly father who is smiling down at the excitement generated over a concert that will glorify Him. He sits on His throne and whispers “wait until tomorrow”. Continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery as a testimony to the awesome power of God!!!

Tuesday November 29, 2005

2005-11-30T00:22:00.000-04:00

Tuesday November 29, 2005 Zack was up a little after 7:00 and Scott was taking him to therapy today. In speech with Leslie he had to read a paragraph and tell it in his own words and then answer who, what, where, when and why questions. He needed some assistance but still did pretty good (according to his own notes). They are preparing him to go back to school. In cognition therapy with Megan they discussed what he should get his siblings for Christmas so after lunch Scott (occupational therapist) took him shopping.
They were very brave and went to Toys-R-Us. His shopping trip helped him to work on visual scanning, impulsivity (a problem of mine when I shop!), sustained attention and attention to detail. I thought he did excellent in his choice of gifts. He remembered that Logan liked Sponge Bob and he got her a movie. He got Dylan some football/baseball trading cards (which he collects) and Kyle a Brats doll (which she will fight with Logan over). I think one day I will send wrapping paper in with him so that he can work on attention to detail while he wraps his own gifts. If they think this is good therapy maybe I could coerce him into wrapping some of mine. He was anxious for me to pick him up since he was getting his braces off today. Everyone at First Care Dental have followed his progress (Jules even visited him when he was still living at Frazier Rehab) so they are always happy to see him. I brought the Southeast Outlook article in for them to read and we talked about how far Zack has come. He was delighted when he finally got his braces off (and a veneer replaced) so he kept looking in the mirror and smiling. On the way home we talked about the concert in Nashville this weekend. I had to tell him last night some disappointing news. I thought my friend Kelly in Nashville got the tickets and Kelly thought I got the tickets and now the concert is sold out and we have no tickets. I have been calling the Christian radio station in Nashville who was promoting the concert and begging for tickets but they have none left to give. Today I called Grits booking agency and told them of our plight and they are trying to come up with tickets. Kelly is talking with people she knows in Nashville so we pray that between both our efforts we can come up with something. I can’t believe that after all this time planning this trip that I end up without tickets. Zack looks at me very seriously and says, “Just get some tickets Mom”. He is so use to me handling everything from those months of dealing with his medical issues in the hospital that he assumes that I can “take care of” anything. He was so excited about this concert and has been through so much in the last several months that I don’t want to come up empty-handed. I will not give up hope until Friday morning. When we arrive back home Zack immediately heads to bed for a nap. He sleeps until dinner and then his friends start to arrive. Before long they are playing pool and laughing. When the last visitor leaves Zack calls to me and asks, “Did you get the tickets?” I explain that I am working on it and he has to be patient (which is a trait that God has been teaching me these last few months). I know what ever happens I can say I gave it my best effort. I’m going to stop fretting over it now and leave it in God’s hands. If it is meant to be we will find tickets somewhere. It is such an earthly parental reaction to want to give your child everything once you have lived with the possibility of losing them. We are so blessed to have Zack home with us and recovering so well. We will continue to focus on how far he has come and wait patiently for where God will lead him. We listen for God’s whisper and find it in Zack’s smile. We wait for the thunder…God’s glory through Zack’s complete recovery. Watch and pray.

Sunday November 27, 2005

2005-11-29T00:01:00.000-04:00

Sunday November 28, 2005 Zack slept in until 9:00 and then got up to get ready for church. I had thought that there was no high school worship because of Thanksgiving weekend so we had planned on him going to church with us. We haven’t worshiped together since October 9th, the day he was released form the hospital, so I was really looking forward to it. Of course the music wasn’t quite what he is used to in high school worship or the Vine but he still stood and sang with us. He wanted to know why the old people (that would be anyone over 21) didn’t raise their hands when they sang so that got me scanning the sanctuary for enthusiastic worshipers. I was able to point out a few but I don’t think he was impressed. He told me he was going to sing with his hands raised tonight at the Vine. He listened intently to the sermon and at one point handed me the Bible so I could look up the passages Bob Russell was referring to. He followed along and could keep up and I couldn’t help but wonder if God was making it easier for him to read because it was scripture. I even asked him if it was hard for him to read it and he said no. As we walked out of the sanctuary he told me that the sermon was really good and he got something out of it. I went to pick Kyle up from her Sunday school class and left Zack in the atrium visiting with friends. When I returned he was talking with several parents and many people approached me about the article in the Southeast Outlook newspaper. We headed home to meet my sister who was taking pictures of the kids for our Christmas card this year. We were trying for just the right shot that captured all our kids together again. Once through with pictures Zack headed to his room for a nap and reminded me that we were going to the Vine tonight. We ate a quick meal of leftovers and headed back to church. We arrived earlier than usual and Zack didn’t see any of his normal group of friends. We went to the sanctuary to get out seats and Zack headed closer to the front than we normally sit. I pointed out that when his friends arrived they would be sitting back further but he didn’t care, he wanted to be up close. It wasn’t long before we saw others that we knew who joined us and then the music began. Zack made up for any lack of enthusiasm in worship this morning. He sang, eyes closed, hand raised or clapping to the faster songs. He asked me if I thought anyone in the band might quit because he would like to join them. I reminded him that he didn’t know how to play any musical instrument but he didn’t seem to think that made a difference, he could just sing.
We ended the worship by singing Amazing Grace, which put me in tears as well as Brooke Willoughby’s Mom. Zack asked me why I was crying and I explained that he used to sing Amazing grace to everyone at Frazier Rehab. He smiled and really turned on the singing then. Brooke and her Mom came back to the house to roast marshmallows and drink hot chocolate on the deck. Several other kids stopped by to join us and it made for a perfect ending to a great day of worship. I feel so fortunate that there is a style of worship that appeals to teenagers. Most of the Vine service is spent on worship through contemporary music, the style is very different from Sunday morning. We can worship God in so many ways (through song, service, prayer) and all are pleasing in his sight. Each time I see Zack singing in church I am reminded of those times when he lay so perfectly still in ICU, unable to utter a sound, and I am filled with unspeakable joy. God has blessed us beyond measure and if Zack were to never recover more than he has at this moment we would be thankful. But we pray with confidence that He is not finished yet. God will continue to be glorified through Zack’s recovery so this road has just begun.
I will be speaking to students at Male High School this Thursday through the fellowship of Christian Athletes so pray that we can reach those teenagers who need to understand the power of prayer. Pray that those searching for answers will find a merciful God capable of handing all their concerns. As always, pray for Zack’s continued recovery for the Glory of God!

Saturday November 26, 2005

2005-11-27T17:49:00.000-04:00

Saturday November 25, 2005 Zack slept in until 9:00 and was in the kitchen eating cereal when I walked into the room. He looked up and reminded me that his party was tonight. I told him I knew that and he needed to help me get ready. We were down the basement putting up the last minute Christmas decorations when I heard a strange sound from the storage room. As I opened the door I saw a soaking wet floor and water pouring from the overflow pipe at the bottom of the water heater. I yelled for everyone to come help me while I tried to figure out what to turn off. Dylan got the phone to call his Dad and Kyle ran to get some buckets. Zack looked at me, grinned and said, " I suppose to do?” Once we had the buckets Zack would get one filled up while I emptied the other down the sump pump. Scott was still 30 minutes away and the water was conspicuously hot so Dylan ran across the street and got our neighbor Chuck. Fortunately they figured a way to turn the water off until Scott could take a look or call a plumber. What a time for a plumbing problem. Of course the hot water heater has to be in the basement, where Zack’s party would be, and it would choose today to break down. Scott arrived shortly with a $7.00 part from Sears and got the heater fixed and water mopped up. In the meantime I had to wash my hair in cold water in the kitchen sink (Zack had already taken his shower). I decided to skip baking cookies and went to Kroger’s and bought them from the bakery. Scott got the outside lights up while I was gone and I took Kyle and Dylan to friend’s houses to spend the night. We were ready by the time the first guest arrived and before long the house was filled with kids. They played pool, listened to music and caught up with Zack. At one point it was so crowded down the basement we had to turn the air conditioner on. Zack’s friends that were home from college for Thanksgiving break were all amazed at how different he was since the last time they saw him. Most of them hadn’t seen him since August and at that point he was hardly walking, much less talking. If you would have walked down the basement during that party you could not have picked out the kid with the traumatic brain injury even though he was not wearing a hat. His hair is covering most of the incision and his head wound only shows at certain angles. By 11:00 PM only 6 or 7 kids were left chatting with him on the couch. He had a great time and when the last one left he came up to tell me about it. He said it was much better than he thought it was going to be and now he was tired and going to bed. It didn’t take long for me to get everything cleaned up and I sat down on the couch to talk with Scott. He finally had time to read the Southeast Outlook article about Zack and was in tears before he was through. It is still hard for him to read about the first months after Zack’s accident and even harder to look at the pictures. I look at Zack’s photo album almost every day, many times with Zack, and feel blessed and amazed. Each turn of the page is like witnessing the hand of God at work. The first few pages show him in a coma with tubes coming out of his swollen head. Then his eyes are open, soon he is smiling, then walking, then dancing…always surrounded by friends. It is a chronological order of events orchestrated perfectly by a merciful God. His plan played out in photographs for all the world to see. I am so grateful that I have those pictures to remind us how great is our God. How real is the power of prayer? Scripture reminds us in Mathew 21:22 “All things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive”. We have always believed that God would heal Zack, we just never knew how completely it would be. We still can not imagine where we will be a year from now but we trust that God’s plan will be perfect. Continue praying for complete recovery…He hears you all! Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”

Thursday November 24, 2005 Thanksgiving

2005-11-25T00:17:00.000-04:00

Thursday November 24, 2005 Thanksgiving Day and Zack slept until after 9:00. He was anxious to go to Scott’s parents and eat lots of good food. Scott finally got home last night after being gone for twelve days. He took a job in Florida tiling a pool deck and didn’t want me to mention that he would not be at home. Zack and the kids were very excited to see him last night and as soon as he got home he had to play pool with Zack. This morning they were catching up on all that had happened while he was away. As we drove to Scott’s parents Zack was pointing out the clouds again, this time to his Dad. Scott looked at me with tears in his eyes, realizing the appreciation Zack showed of the world God has created that we seem never to have time to notice. As we drive down River Road all of us listen as Zack points out things to us that we have passed a hundred times but now see in a new way. Once we arrive and get all the hugs out of the way Zack sits down next to me in the living room. He looks at me and says, “It stinks that I got myself messed up. I’m really sorry I did that to you. Thanks for being there”. This has not been his first apology but today it seemed to mean more to him than before. We are all hungry and a decision is made to let Zack say grace (wise since it could have gone on all day if left to Scott or myself). His prayer was simple. “Thank you Lord for all of us being here together, especially me”. I didn’t hear much after that because I was thinking about how close we came to him not being here with us. He finished and everyone started to load their plates up. Scott went to sit in the living room and I know it was because he needed to compose himself before trying to eat. Zack would point at food that he has eaten all his life and ask, “What is this again?” The aphasia (language disorder) is still apparent at the oddest times. It is rather strange to have a meal with a teenager who actually talks during dinner. He would ask questions and kept exclaiming how good his favorite foods were. One time he leaned over to Robin (his aunt, Scott’s brother’s wife) and asked her if she knew that he got himself messed up. She told him that she had been at the hospital and he replied, “That’s good”. He doesn’t realize that his accident was a major event for most of the people, family and friends, that knew him. He doesn’t remember the accident, University Hospital or Frazier Rehab at all. He recognizes some of the therapist and doctors at Frazier from his photo album as being familiar, but he doesn’t really remember them. After dinner he watches the football game but it wasn’t long before he slides next to me and asked when we were leaving. Already he is tired and says he can’t wait to go home and take a nap. It is a special treat for me to sit next to him at the fireplace with his arm around me as we watch the half time show. Once we get home he asks if he could go to the movies tonight with Trey and Andrew and then heads off to bed. Later Rick joins the group at the movies and then they all end up at our house. They decide to watch movies downstairs instead of playing pool which will give Zack a chance to fall asleep in front of the TV if he gets too tired. We are thankful that his friends chose to hang out here with Zack. We are thankful that Zack is able to enjoy having them here, that he is here. We are thankful that God has chosen to bless us so richly through this experience. This Sunday in church will be special. It will give us a special opportunity to open our hearts in humble thanksgiving in a place that has come to know our tears all to well. Tears of anguish and tears of joy. Cleansing tears of appreciation that seem to come from an endless supply. Tomorrow Zack and all our children will be with us in church as we worship as a family. It will be the first time that Scott has seen Zack sing in church (he had to sit in the cry room the first few weeks and then Zack was in High School worship) and I know it will be emotional. I hope that those with us, if only in prayer, can be inspired this Sunday to be thankful for the simple blessings God has given them. To know that He is in control and to trust that His plan is perfect. Pray that you will hear God whisper and know that he cares for you. Please continue to pray for Zack's complete recovery for God’s glory.
Psalm 25:15 “How glorious to embrace the certainty that when there seems to be no way out, God can miraculously lift us up and away from whatever is seeking to devour us.”

Tuesday November 22, 2005

2005-11-23T00:44:00.000-04:00

Tuesday November 22, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 had cereal for breakfast and showered. He decided to forego the hat again today and said he didn’t think his hair looked that bad. He was watching TV when I came downstairs and I decided it was a good time to get out “the notebook”. The early days in the hospital when we had a waiting room full of people, mostly teenagers, I passed around a notebook and asked his friends to write in it. We have never read it. They had written to Zack and I felt like we should wait until Zack could read it on his own. This morning I explained to him about the notebook and asked if he wanted to read some of it. He asked, “I don’t read too good right now so will you read it to me”. I only read a few because I couldn’t get through them without crying. It brought back the memories of when Zack could only lay there, no emotions, no movements. Then the pain in the words of his friends as they urged him to fight to get better. The silly jokes they used to cover up how scared they were. Guys saying how much they love him and girls retelling stories as far back as Kindergarten. I would explain to Zack who each person was that wrote to him and when I finished reading each one he would smile and say, “that’s good”. I told him we would read some others on another day and we left for Frazier East. He called Allie (one of his friends from Manuel) to tell her that he read what she wrote to him about his beautiful eyes and basically his eyes were open now if she wanted to come see them. He had three speech sessions today focusing on reading, impulsivity, memory and attention. I got a message on my cell phone shortly after lunch from Zack saying, “If you love me you will pick me up at 3:00 so I can go home and take a nap”. I arrived promptly at 3:00 and we headed home so he could take a nap before our 5:15 appointment with Dr. Weinberg (behavioral optometrist). He points out the clouds to me as we drive and how cool it is that the sun is shining around the edges. A deeper appreciation of life. I remember Dr. Kraft telling me that about Zack. He gets to sleep for 1 ½ hours before I have to wake him to leave. We arrived at Vision First and Dr. Weinberg reviewed Zack’s vision screening results. As we had learned on our last visit his biggest problem is fixation (the ability to move the eyes accurately from one point to another) and tracking (the ability to stay on a visual task). These make it very difficult for him to read because his eyes are moving all over the paragraph and all his energy is focused on just reading the words, forget comprehending what he has read. The good news is that Dr Weinberg feels vision therapy will help a great deal. How much of his visual perception problems are correctable, only time will tell, but he is hopeful and so are we. Parts of the test Zack did very well on (including some visual memory issues) and Dr. Weinberg commented that Zack had to have been a very bright student. With determination, therapy and prayer I am confident that he will be a good student again. We had to run to Kroger’s and pick up a few things before heading home and Zack explained that Scott (his Occupational therapist intern) gives him a list and he has to go to Kroger and find the stuff on the list. I tell him we need Buttermilk so let’s see if he can find it but he replies, “No way, I have to do that for Scott. I don’t want to have to do it for you too”. We gather our items together and he reminds me that we need “that stuff we eat in the morning”. I say cereal and he says “Yeah, you would have forgot it if I didn’t remind you” (he’s right!). At home we eat dinner and he gets ready for visits from his friends. Andrew, Tiffany, Rob and Kaitlyn stop in for a couple of games of pool and they talk about Zack’s party this Saturday night. Once they leave he gets interested in a basketball game on TV and although he is very tired he says he has to watch the game and groans when they go into overtime. Fifteen minutes later I check on him and his light is out and he’s asleep. Rita (Scott’s Mom) calls and somehow we end up talking about the night of the accident, who answered the phone, what we thought when we first saw Zack. I can remember it so clearly, down to what I was wearing. I flashback to when we first saw Zack laying on the gurney in the Emergency Room at University Hospital. I remember stroking his face and whispering the 23 Psalm to him over and over again…lingering on “He anoints my head with oil” and praying that God would anoint Zack’s head right there. I remember Scott sobbing behind me trying to recite the prayer but getting choked on his words. I remember his friends arriving, first one or two at a time and then in large groups. I remember them sitting on the floor in the hall, crying, praying, and whispering to each other in disbelief. Zack was a poster boy for “this could never happen to me”. Now his friends faced their own mortality and came to the fearful realization that it could happen to any of them. I hugged so many people that day but the one I really wanted to hug was Zack.
Joy to the World I can hug him now. Many mornings on the drive to Frazier I reach over and hold his hand (and he lets me). What a Thanksgiving we will have this year! No one out there can count more blessings than the Hornback family right now. I’m thinking that maybe Zack will have to say Grace before we eat because left up to any of us it could go on for days. I may only be able to moan and have the Lord know what prayers are etched on my heart. We will never be the same but that doesn’t mean it won’t be better. God continues to use Zack’s accident for His Glory. Tomorrow look up at the sky, see God shining around the edges of the clouds, thank him for all He has done in your life and be reminded to pray for Zack’s continued, complete recovery!

Sunday November 20, 2005

2005-11-21T00:09:00.000-04:00

Sunday November 20, 2005 Zack slept until 9:00 which was amazing since he went to bed at about 9:00 last night. He was really tired since he had stayed up at the “lock in” all night Friday night at Hurstbourne Baptist Church. As soon as he got home at about 7:30 AM he went to bed and slept until 1:00. This morning when he got up he told me we needed to hurry so he wouldn’t be late for church. He went to his normal youth service this morning and then after church we all headed to Sam’s with Scott’s Mom and Dad. It was their Thanksgiving tasting and they gave out samples of all kinds of foods and desserts. Zack enjoyed going around to each station sampling things and then back around for the ones he really liked. When we got home he took a nap while I continued with the Christmas decorations. We ate a quick dinner and then were on the road to church again, this time to the Vine. I have really come to look forward to Sunday at the Vine. The service is different, more rock-n-roll, much more casual and intimate setting. Zack loves the music. He told me as we were driving home from church this morning that he was already looking forward to going back to church tonight so he could sing some more. That is one of the big differences since the accident. Although he always commented that the music at his church was really good I would never see him singing. Now as I stand next to him at the Vine, he closes his eyes, raises his hand and sings, joyfully with much emotion. Kyle Idleman preached tonight on Thanksgiving, being thankful even of the things we don’t enjoy, being thankful when times are tough. It brought me to tears because we have so much to be thankful for. Then Kyle told us to take the paper that was in our handout and write a letter to God on what we are thankful for. Zack turned to me and asked, “Would you write mine for me?” He quietly dictated; “Dear Lord Jesus, Thank you for being there from the time I was born. Thank you for keeping me alive so I don’t go to hell when I die. I truly love you and I pray that I will see you in heaven when it’s time. Thank you for keeping me alive when I was in my accident. I love you Lord Jesus. Zack”. He got up and went for communion as I sat there humbled in prayer. As we sang about “being rescued” by Christ I was so moved thinking about how Zack was rescued that I had to leave the sanctuary. I was crying so hard I could barely breathe and had to take a break in the restroom. I was moved because of how blessed we are that Zack is with us, that he continues to recover and for the peace that God has given me by letting Him take control of our lives. I compose myself and return to the sanctuary. If they would have been singing “Your strength is made perfect when I am weak” I probably would have had to be carried out. As I returned to my seat there had been some changes in the seating arrangements and I was no longer next to Zack. It doesn’t matter because I can still see him singing and the tears began to flow again. When the service was over and they turned up the lights we headed towards the door. There were many of his friends we stopped to talk with and when Zack and I were finally next to each other I commented how good the service was. He said, “You cried a lot”. I explained that I was so thankful that he was alive and he smiled and said, “Me too”. Dani came home with us and she played some pool with Zack. After she left Zack asked me to take a look at his head. Earlier we had discovered that he had an ingrown hair or something. It was bothering him so I put peroxide on it and took the opportunity to trim the hair over his ears. I promised him that in two weeks his hair would be long enough to cove his incision and the scar from his head wound. He is very tired of wearing hats all the time and said he just wants to wear hair now. Kyle came into the bathroom and told Zack she would give him a foot rub. I left them in the bedroom while Kyle pampered her big brother. After 15 or 20 minutes Zack and Kyle come downstairs to tell me that she rubbed his feet and hands and gave him a back rub. Kyle use to rub his feet when he was in the hospital before he could even walk or talk. She is so nurturing and would make a great nurse or therapist. They head to bed and I am able to just sit and think about how great is our God. Praise our Lord who can take a tragedy and change it into a testimony to His Glory. Praise the Lord who can take the simple act of worship and allow it to be the ultimate expression of love. Praise our God who can take a life and mold it to His pleasure, but instead allows us freewill to make our own seemingly innocent choices, even to the point of our own destruction. Praise our God who answers prayers in ways much greater than we could have imagined. Continue to pray for complete recovery for the Glory of God.

Friday November 18, 2005

2005-11-19T02:05:00.000-04:00

Friday November 18, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 and we all had French Toast. After he showered he called me into the bathroom and asked if I thought he would look OK if he didn’t wear a hat. His hair has really grown out a lot and it almost covers up the incision and his head wound. I told him he looked fine so he skipped the hat for the first time since his surgery. As we rode to Frazier East he reminded me that tonight he was going to church and then that other church (more on that later). He also said that Avery had asked him to go to the movies on Saturday. When we arrived he told me he loved me as he got out of the car. I told him I would be back to pick him up and he reminded me not to be late. His morning speech session with Megan worked on word retrieval, attention and memory. Word retrieval is what helps him with the aphasia which is still very apparent at times. He had Fitness with Erin and he rode the bike for 25 minutes and then they had races. He really enjoys the physical stuff, it’s much easier for him than the cognitive work. He met with Dr. Perri (psychologist) and they talked about school and his upcoming Neuro Psyche exam. Without any coaxing from Dr Perri, Zack commented to him, “I’m going to have to repeat my Junior year”. He is beginning to realize he has missed a lot of school and at this point it would be very difficult to make it up over the summer. As important as it is to him to return to school, he has a great attitude. Dr. Perri said he wasn’t too upset about it except that all the “hot girls” were in the Junior class.
He had another speech session after lunch with Leslie and they worked on grouping things into categories (more aphasia) and slowing down. In occupational therapy with Scott they wrote down calendar events and focused on attention to details, impulsivity, sustained attention and visual scanning. When I arrived to pick him up I had a scheduled meeting with Dr Perry. He said that Zack’s team of therapist feels it would be in his best interest to postpone his neuro psyche exam (scheduled for 11-28 and 29). They feel that he still struggles with the aphasia part of his injury and that the verbal portion of the test would be difficult. In this test he would be asked to describe something and there would be a specific word or two that the examiner was looking for in his answer. Although Zack might know exactly what the object was and how to describe it, he might struggle trying to retrieve the appropriate word for it. His therapist all agree that given more time he would do much better on the exam and the results would be more accurate. The exam is used to put together an IEP (individual education plan) and it is important that it truly reflects Zack’s abilities. Since he has to take the neuro psyche exam before he can return to school, it looks like that might not happen as we had hoped. Dr Perri feels the end of February is more realistic. It is very important that when Zack returns to school that he can be successful or he may get frustrated and give up or become depressed. He has such a good attitude right now and the potential for doing well in school that we don’t want to jeopardize that by returning him too soon. Dr. Perri also told me that Zack seems to be running out of steam in the afternoon and they feel like he may need a little more downtime when he gets home in the afternoon. He is always ready for a nap but sometimes friends come by after school and he either doesn’t get a nap or it is cut short. They felt it would be better for Zack’s therapy if we stuck to my original plan of no visitors before dinner. Even if Zack doesn’t take a nap they said it is important for him to just relax, chill out, not be over stimulated so his brain has time to absorb all of the day’s cognitive work. As much as I love his friends support I will have to ask them to wait until after dinner before visiting. Zack came into Dr Perri’s office before we were finished so we discussed the new visiting schedule and how important it was that he takes his Amantadine in the afternoon. Two times this week he forgot to take it and it is the medication that stimulates his brain, helps him focus and helps with the healing process. Dr Perri asked Zack if he was playing the game in the kitchen and Zack said “Yes, I won”. Dr Perri replied, “What do you mean you won, yesterday you couldn’t get past two”. Zack insisted that he could do it all the way through and wanted to show us. This is a maze in a box with 13 holes strategically placed. You have to maneuvers a ball through the maze without falling into a hole. Sure enough Zack showed us how he could get it all the way to the last hole…twice. Dr Perri was amazed (he said he doesn’t get past 4) and I wasn’t even going to try. We ran into Scott and I told him that Zack could get to the end and he said he had watched him do it earlier. Apparently Zack practices during lunch because this is one of the tools they use to get you ready to drive again. When we arrived home Zack went to bed and got over an hour nap before Andrew, Trey and Tiffany arrived. They played a few games of pool and the boys helped me carry up the Christmas decorations from the basement. I told them about our need to be sure Zack gets downtime after therapy and that we would have to stick to the original visiting plan. Once they left Zack said he was going back to bed until the pizza arrived. He went to Battle of the Bands at Southeast Christian Church tonight and then he was going to Hurstbourne Baptist Church for the Youth group “lock in”. This would be the first night away from me since he came home and it was very difficult to let him go but Trey’s Mom was going to be a chaperone and I felt that church activities would be the best place to try this out. As I put up Christmas decoration I would run across things that needed to be put away to make room for all my stuff. I needed to find a more permanent home for the box of cards and letters that we have received since Zack’s accident. I went through and read some of them and within minutes I was in tears. I wanted to read the heartfelt words of hope and encouragement to Zack but he wasn’t here. It brought back so many feelings of those days when we weren’t sure he was going to live. I opened the t-shirt (torn and bloody) that he was wearing that night and remembered how I had carried it (much like a security blanket) those first days at University. Then it comforted me, I could smell Zack on it and felt close to him. Tonight it did the same thing…brought him close to me but also reminded me of how we nearly lost him. I could only read a few cards and letters because it was a little too emotional but I will cherish each word forever. Thanks to all the people who comforted us with words of hope and continue to care for us today. You will never know the peace that we feel knowing that Gods family was there to shed tears with us and now can share in our joy. We are blessed beyond belief, not just to have Zack with us, happy and healing, but to know the greatest love God showed to us through His children. Thank you. Please pray that I can sleep some tonight and Zack will enjoy himself but return home safely. Continue praying for complete recovery so that we may be a testimony to Gods glorious power!

Thursday November 16, 2005

2005-11-17T22:48:00.000-04:00

Thursday November 17, 2005 Zack slept a little later than usual so I had time to make him French Toast. He really liked it and kept thanking me for making it for him. When we were driving to Frazier East he told me he was really tired and didn’t think he slept much last night. He was concerned about the way I was driving. He didn’t want anyone to pass me or for the person in front to make the light and me have to stop. I started teasing him and driving slow, letting people pass me. We were both laughing by the time we arrived and when he got out of the car he told me, “You stink at driving. You’re still picking me up though.” In speech with Leslie they worked on putting words into categories and word retrieval. He still has aphasia and gets words mixed up. He knows what he wants to say, what different objects are used for, but sometimes he just can’t retrieve the word he’s looking for. That is why all kinds of objects in our home are labeled, to help him associate the word with the object. He had another speech session with Megan at 10:00 where they continued to work on naming items but this time he had to identify who worked with those objects. They worked on reading comprehension and focusing. Scott took him to Kroger’s and they focused on visual scanning and deficit awareness (that seems to be Scott’s new task…helping Zack recognizes his deficits). Then he got to go shopping at the mall where he bought me a Christmas present. He had asked me this morning what I wanted for Christmas and even wrote it down. When I arrived to pick him up he pulled an orange out of his lunch and began to peel it. He told me to wait a minute and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. When he came out he pulled a package out of his pocket and wanted to show me what he got me for Christmas. I told him I wanted to wait and be surprised and he seemed very disappointed. He said it was really good and didn’t I just want to look at it. When we got in the car he kept pointing to his bulging pocket and looking out the window smiling, like I could peek in there real quick and still act surprised on Christmas. I wasn’t biting. Zack was tired and ready for a nap but I reminded him that a photographer from the Outlook was coming with Ruth to take his picture. They arrived shortly after we got home and Zack enjoyed all the attention. They were really able to capture his personality (he even showed Ruth some of the dance steps he used to win $100 in the talent contest on Halloween). When they left he headed for bed and slept until Avery and Caroline stopped by for a visit. Trey also came by and since he just got his license yesterday they had to go sit in his car and listen to the stereo. They knew better than to even ask if Zack could go for a ride. After his friends left Zack got on the computer and was instant messaging some others. I would come in the office to see who he was talking to and was amazed at how his fingers flew over the keys. He could type his reply much faster that he could read what they wrote. Finally he came into the kitchen, put his arms around me for a hug and said, “Mom since I really didn’t sleep well last night I think I should go to bed early tonight”. It was only 8:00 so I told him he should try to stay up a little longer and if he would give me a few minutes I would play cards with him. Later I sent Logan downstairs to get Zack and she came back up and told me that he was sound asleep. He is still so sweet. He was telling Trey how much fun they were going to have in Nashville at the concert and thanked me several times for taking them. I am as excited about the trip as they are. It reminded me of how a parent feels when they take their small child to see Santa Claus and they just want to watch the joy on their face. That’s what I am waiting for…to see Zack having a great time with his friends and the pleasure in his smile. We are richly blessed right now and it dawned on me that God is still sitting on His throne saying, “Eileen, just wait until tomorrow”. His perfect plan continues to unravel and we cling to our belief that it includes complete recovery. Please continue praying for a recovery that will glorify God!

Wednesday November 16, 2005

2005-11-17T00:50:00.000-04:00

Wednesday November 16, 2005 Zack got to sleep in a little later this morning because he had his 2nd vision screening at 9:00. After he showered I told him I wanted to try to remove the stitch in his head that has been bugging him. I had called the neurosurgery office and spoke to the nurse and she said I could just take tweezers and pull it out. My first attempt was not so good. His hair has gotten a lot longer so since the stitch was black it was hard to tell it apart from his hair. He would feel for it with his finger and then I pulled out a chuck of hair (not a good thing since he wants to grow it back so badly). He hollered and his head was bleeding a little so he said I was done. I convinced him to give it one more try so we got a flashlight. He held the light on it so I could see precisely where he pointed and with a quick yank I removed a stitch about a 1 ½” long. We put a little Vitamin E on his head and he was so happy to finally have it out. On the way to the eye doctor we talk about the concert in Nashville and he asked if his buddy Rick is really going to go (he is away at Western). He decides to call him and they talk about how they are going to dance at the concert and have sooooo much fun. When we arrived at Vision First they told me that Zack would be in the screening room with a therapist and there was no room for me. They told me they had a video tape for me to watch on what vision therapy does. Vision is the comprehension and processing of information. It is totally brain and different from sight. We think largely in visual images. Failure of the brain to process visual information in the normal way causes you to struggle with every activity. 80% of what we learn in the classroom is visual. Cognitively the brain processes 3 million bits of information every millisecond and 2 million of those are visual. Vision is the dominant system of the brain and consists of eye teaming, tracking, focusing and eye movement. The video talked about the plasticity of the brain (changes in the brain) and how changes in behavior can modify the brain. Visual pathways can be modified with vision training. Vision is a learned skill and 90% of visual perception problems can be corrected with vision therapy. Vision therapy teaches a person what their eyes are doing wrong (which causes the perception problem) so that it can be corrected. After his screening the therapist told me briefly that Zack’s biggest problem is “eye movement”. A normal fixation should be 96 per 100 words. Currently Zack’s is 356 which mean all his energy is focused on just trying to stay on the line he is reading. He can read but it’s extremely hard and very tiring for him. It would be like trying to read while someone jiggled the paper around. We scheduled our consultation visit with Dr. Weinberg who will evaluate the screenings and come up with a therapy plan. After watching the video I am excited about starting vision therapy (at one point I was brought to tears and had to stop the tape) and have great hopes it will enable Zack to get back to school. We walk out the door after nearly 2 hours of testing and Zack stops me on the sidewalk. He gives me a big hug and says, “Mom I’ll give you 5 bucks if you let me go home and go back to bed!” I start laughing and tell him he has to go to therapy. As soon as he arrives at Frazier East he has cognition therapy with Megan and has to read some more. In occupational therapy with Scott he took a drivers performance test to increase his deficit awareness and sustained attention. He was worn out when Donna picked him up for me today. I spoke at Highland Baptist Church youth group. It was a more casual setting than I have done in the past which took a lot of pressure off. I was hoping to make it through without shedding a tear but …it still gets me. There were about 15 teenagers, mostly girls, who were very attentive (the pictures can be somewhat shocking). I was able to share a lot more information after the speech and they were able to ask questions. At least tonight they more fully understand the importance of their choices and why God put their parents as authority over them. They have asked me to come back and speak to the middle school group and parents which I hope to do after the first of the year. When I arrive home Zack was still at church in his youth group meeting. After he returns he plays pool with Andrew, Dani and Tiffany. As soon as they leave he jumps in bed but minutes later Ashley, Maddy and Macy drop by to bring him a UofL pennant. The ever gracious host he gets back out of bed (it’s only 9:30) but the girls know he is tired and weren’t planning on staying anyway. They visit for 10 minutes and he is asleep before they reach the end of our street. I am so thankful that his friends continue to visit, support and encourage him. I am glad we can provide a safe haven where they feel comfortable and I have enjoyed getting to know then better myself. Scott laughs at how he use to not like anyone to come over and now he has a houseful of teenagers all the time. Zack has changed but we have changed a lot too. We have grown from this experience and learned to be more accommodating. I am even learning patience (not one of my virtues). Most of all we have learned to trust God…to wait on His timing…to listen for His whisper. It is such a comforting thought to know that all of this is in His hands and believe that His plan is perfect. Please pray that vision therapy will be the key to Zack’s progress in reading. Pray that through the upcoming Thanksgiving holidays that all of Zack’s friends away at college will have an opportunity to visit him. They are surely to be amazed at how far he has come since they went off to school. Help their visit show them just how much they have to be thankful for, mainly how awesome is our God! Pray that I will have other opportunities to speak to teenagers. Pray for complete recovery.
“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants. I will proclaim your name O Lord. O praise the greatness of my God! You are the rock, your words are perfect and all your ways are just.” Deut 321

Monday November 14, 2005

2005-11-14T23:08:00.000-04:00

Monday November 14, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00, ate breakfast and took a shower.
On the way to Frazier East he looked at his photo album and asked questions about when he was “really messed up”. He pointed to different people on the staff at Frazier Rehab (like Mary Beth, Amy, Dr Miller and Shirley) and said they looked familiar. He liked the picture of him passing the baseball with his friend Rick so I told him how his Dad had chased after the ball when it was hit out of the park at the Bats stadium as he was coming to the hospital one day. He asked if we still had the ball and wanted to see it when he got home. He saw pictures of a couple of friends that he hadn’t seen in a while so he called Allie and Blake and told them to come see him. In speech they continue to work on word retrieval, writing and attention to detail. Today with Scott he watched a movie in occupational therapy and took notes. This was to work on sustained attention and visual scanning. As soon as I picked him up he reminded me that he was going to “that place across from our house” to eat with Andrew. I explained that I was nervous about him driving with Andrew even though they were only going to Fat Jimmy’s. He could not understand my concern and told me I was really making him mad. He had a dentist appointment and by the time we got there he was barely speaking to me. As we sat in the waiting room I attempted again to get him to understand that his friends have only been driving a short time and could easily have an accident. It wouldn’t be that serious for them but a simple accident could land him back in the hospital. After several moments of silence he told me, “I’m sorry Mom but if you just let me do some stuff with my friends I won’t get mad at you. I’ll be really happy and tell you I love you a lot”. I told him that these rules aren’t there to be mean but to protect him. His brain is very fragile and he could easily get hurt. His friends have different rules because they don’t have a brain injury. The more kids in their car the more likely they were to have an accident. I said the only way he could ride with Andrew was if he was the only passenger in the car. He glared at me and said it wasn’t fair. He got further disappointment when Dr Zanger told him that because of the Thanksgiving Holiday he wouldn’t be able to get his braces off until Nov 29th. Zack had expected to get them off next week but the consolation was that they would be off before we went to Nashville for the concert. On the way home he called Andrew and asked him who was going to eat dinner with them. He smiled when he hung up the phone because it was just Andrew. I took the opportunity to tell him we needed to set some ground rules so we weren’t having the same argument every time. I agreed to let him ride with a friend if they were only going somewhere close (not just riding around like teenagers do), if they had their license for at least 6 months and if he was the only passenger in the car. I told him he had to agree with the rules or he could just not ride with anyone (he’s lucky I don’t make him wear his helmet). He smiled, said OK and winked at me. Andrew was waiting for us when we got home. They played some pool and then Lauren and Rob showed up. When it was time to leave they split up so that Zack was alone in the car with Andrew. I reminded them all to put their seatbelts on and then cringed as they walked out the door. In less that an hour they were back playing pool again. Later Brittany, Kara and Taylor stopped by to visit and after a while they asked if they could go to Graters (next to Fat Jimmy’s) for ice cream. Zack said he would ride alone with Brittany. Two concessions in one night…I must be crazy. It is hard to find agreeable rules with your teenagers but it is much more difficult when your rules are much stricter than all the other kids. It is hard to no longer allow an activity that was commonplace before. It is no small blessing that Zack’s friends have watched him recover and remember what it was like several months ago. If they don’t agree with my rules at least they understand why they are there. Zack wants to be normal and they want to do normal things with him. Please pray that we can find a happy, safe middle ground. Pray that his friends understanding will be reinforced when they look at his photo album or listen to him try to remember someone’s name. Please pray that God will continue to give us wisdom and strength to see Zack through the fragile months ahead. Please continue praying for complete recovery.
Lord, you have said in your Word that when two agree, you are in their midst. I pray that the reverse be true as well-that you will be in our midst so that we two can agree.
Psalm 19:14 Let the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, our strength and redeemer.

Sunday November 13, 2005

2005-11-14T00:21:00.000-04:00

Sunday November 13, 2005 Zack and the rest of us slept as little later. I had taken a shower and was getting ready to go downstairs to make breakfast when Zack walked into the bedroom and told me he was glad I was awake because he didn’t want to be late for church. I told him I would make him breakfast but he said he had already eaten cereal.
As we drove to church we saw the police directing traffic. Zack asked me if they went to church and I told them some of them do. He said that was good and that we need more black people at our church. He told me one of his best friends (Rick Thompson) was black and he was cool and nice and loved Jesus. He couldn’t wait to see Rick again when we go to Nashville for the concert because he knew that Rick would dance. After church I had to go to Sam’s so Dylan and Zack went with me. He had asked to go to Tiffany’s soccer game but he decided he was really tired and would rather go home and take a nap. He didn’t want to be too tired to go to the Vine tonight. We met several of his friends at church and he wanted to be sure I wasn’t sitting right with them. By the time we all piled into the pew, along side other friends, I was in the row behind him. I love watching him in church now because he sings with such joy and lifts up his hand. He would have not done that prior to the accident, be that “into” the worship. After church we were going to Dani’s, one of his friends houses and I had to explain why I didn’t want Zack riding in the car with Andrew and Trey (too many distractions for a young driver carrying my precious cargo). We compromised and I let him ride alone with Dani while I followed behind them. At Dani’s Zack kept telling me he was going to take his drivers test tomorrow. He insists that he should be able to drive now that he is 16. I told him if he took the test and past it and then took the driving course and past it, then he could get his permit and drive. Then I reminded him that he had to get his therapist to write a note saying he was ready to take the test. He said, “Basically I messed up my head so now I can’t drive”. We have had this conversation many times but he still insists that he could ace the test and he is going to drive. When we arrive at home he tells me he is going to get on the computer. I put the kids to bed and Zack comes up to Kyle’s room dancing around. He tells us that he invited Kara to the Winter Ball and she said yes. He said he was going to look real good in a tux and his hair would be grown back. He tells me goodnight and heads to bed a happy guy. Our new normal is pretty good. We are blessed each day Zack is with us. We have little battles (wanting to drive) but what parents don’t? Every parent has issues to deal with ours are just a little more unique. We have a joy that passes all understanding and that alone is worth the price. Pray for wisdom for every parent of a teenager. Pray for complete recovery!

Saturday November 12, 2005

2005-11-13T00:28:00.000-04:00

Saturday November 12, 2005 Zack got to sleep in this morning because he didn’t have to go to therapy. It was 8:00 before I got out of bed and Zack slept another hour. He was playing baseball on Nintendo and joking around with Dylan. After a while he put the lease on Toby and said he was taking him outside. I was working on the website when Dylan came looking for Zack. I told him he was out front with Toby. Dylan went to look for him but Zack was no where to be found. I started to panic. I had Dylan and Kyle both get on their bikes to look for him. About 15 minutes later Zack comes back with Kyle right behind him. He was surprised that I was worried and said, “I was just walking your dog” (apparently he walked all the way around the parkway). He asked me why I was worried and I told him I was afraid he would get lost and not be able to find our house. He laughed at me and said, “Mom, it’s my house, how could I get lost?” It all seems so simple to him. I tried to explain my reasoning but he thought I was being ridiculous. I told him again how worried we were when he was in the hospital that he would even live through the night and by the time I was finished tears were running down my face. He told me, “Don’t worry Mom. It will be alright. I’m not going to get lost”. It was after lunch and he decided it would be a good idea to take a nap before we had to leave for Dylan’s tennis match. When he woke up he was anxious to call some of his friends. He wanted to do something and I agreed that he could go to the movies. I figured if he wanted to go to the movies that badly then it wouldn’t matter if they went in late afternoon. Andrew had to be at work at 6:00 so he was happy to go to a 3:30 movie. We make arrangements to meet them there. I take Zack in to check out the situation and feel safe that he is with Andrew, Chris, Dan and Dani who have all been through his recovery with him. I warned his friends to keep him safe and go with the girls to Dylan’s tennis match. After the game I meet Zack and his friends at BW 3’s and all has worked out safely. We head to my friends house Donna Jaha who is having a birthday party for her oldest son. Rita (Scott’s Mom) has taken the girls home to spend the night with her so we invite Dani to go with us. Zack has the opportunity to play pool with a new group of guys at the Jaha’s and tries his hand at darts (he even gets a bulls eye). Tiffany joins us and after dinner we all head back to our house. We play pool and cards and Zack enjoys the company of his friends. He reminds me that I have to take him early to church in the morning because his service starts before mine. We will also go to the Vine (a contemporary worship service) on Sunday night and made plans to go to Dani’s house after the Vine. The girls that hang out with Zack are much more likely to run their plans by me first than the guys. They are all supported but the girls are more nurturing by nature. We are very blessed that Zack has such good friends and a wide circle of kids, many who go to other schools. They all have one thing in common…their faith. They all recognize that God has done miraculous things through prayer in Zack’s recovery. I pray that they will always appreciate how far God has brought Zack in a short period of time. I pray they will continue to support him so they can witness firsthand Gods power as evidenced through answered prayers. Please continue to pray for complete recovery for Gods Glory!

Friday November 11, 2005

2005-11-12T12:27:00.000-04:00

Friday November 11, 2005 Zack got to sleep a little later this morning because Scott was taking him into therapy. I made sure he took his medication and made his lunch. Lindsey (therapist aid) helped Zack make out his Christmas list. He typed it on the computer and it was quite enlightening. Some of his request were normal teenage stuff, like an ipod, a jacket from Abercrombie and white tennis shoes (his favorite thing to buy). But it was how he ended each one that was funny, like “I’ll take some underwear doggity dog”. He has a great sense of humor which shows in the way he writes. He had two speech sessions with Leslie (his primary therapist) and they focus on reading comprehension, scanning and attention to detail. He also met with Dr. Perri (psychologist) and they discussed how long it takes to recover from a brain injury and the fact that he is not quite ready to drive. He was given the task of coming up with three things that are different about him since his brain injury. That is what we will talk about over the weekend, helping him recognize what is different about him. Since there are positive and negative differences I am curious to see what Zack thinks. When I pick him up I have an opportunity to talk with Suzanne (occupational therapist) about Zack’s progress. I inform her that we scheduled the 2nd screening on his Neuro eye exam and she tells me that they have been working on helping Zack recognize that he has a visual deficit. Vision therapy will teach him how to compensate for his visual field cut but they have already started that process at Frazier East. Suzanne says Zack has a good attitude, works hard and is cooperative but he doesn’t recognize his deficits or he blows them off. He knows he has a difficult time reading but he doesn’t see the correlation on why he can get his drivers permit. It is a blessing that he is not depressed but the flip side of that is that he thinks everything is fine. We are really in a Catch 22 situation because in order to compensate and correct deficient areas you have to recognize that they exist but when someone realizes how much things have changed it can make them very depressed. We pray that God will help Zack see that he is different now but that with every negative impact he has been blessed with a positive one. On the way home Zack and I discuss why Scott and I don’t want to just drop him off at the movies. He says other parents just let their kids go and I explain that other kids don’t have a brain injury. He says it stinks and he doesn’t know why we are making such a big deal out of it. I get his photo album out and show him that disturbing picture of him in ICU with all the tubes coming out of him and the monitor attached to his head. I point and say “This is why it’s a big deal. Four months ago we didn’t know if you would even be alive. You are not like your friends. They can walk into a smoky room and not be affected but if you did you could have a seizure. We are scared. We love you and have to be careful. God gave us another chance for you and we don’t want to blow it”. Tears welled up in my eyes and Zack closed the album and said OK. I’m not sure he got it but he did see my anguish. His attitude softened, he became more agreeable and asked what we would let him do. This will be an issue for a long time. We will constantly be trying to make him understand why he can’t do everything his friends get to do. He wants so much to just be a normal teenager and he isn’t. Our consolation is that he is healing and that means improvement. His future is uncertain…when will he get to go back to school, will he graduate with his class, can he safely drive, how will he manage in college, will his friends still want to hang with him if his limitations require them adjusting their plans?
One thing is certain…God is healing him and we have faith that he will heal him completely. It will take time and God’s timing is not our own. We can’t understand each path God chooses for us and Zack is no different. We have to trust that His wisdom is greater than ours and His plan is perfect. We have to be thankful for how far He has brought us in such a short time and the support we have had through it all. I continue to receive encouragement and Zack’s friends are still here. We are not alone although at times it feels like we are the only parents in the world facing these issues. We are blessed with support from Christians we didn’t even know before Zack’s accident. I want to thank all of those who selfishly give their time. One group has formed a committee to raise money for expenses that insurance won’t cover. They have started a fundraiser that offers a cookbook as a gift for a donation to “Gifts for Zack” (see the icon on the right side of this site). They spend hours passing out fliers and organizing distribution. We are not alone…God’s family testifies how we are all parts of one body. Each dependant on the other. We have faith, hope and love and have learned firsthand that the greatest of these is love. We are not alone…we have Zack. We know how lucky we are, we see the blessing in each smile. We ask that you pray for Zack’s gentle awakening to his deficits. That he will be aware of how he is different but know that through faith God will guide his path. Please pray that God will grant us wisdom as parents to know when to give Zack more responsibility and freedom to make his own choices and therefore mistakes. We cling to the promises of Gods Word:
Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 17:7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him”.
2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Mark 9:23 “Everything is possible for him who believes”.
Continue to pray for complete recovery!

Thursday November 10, 2005

2005-11-11T00:50:00.000-04:00

Thursday November 10th Zack didn’t get up until 7:20 because we all overslept. It was cereal this morning, a quick shower and out the door. On the way to Frazier East Zack asked me when he was going to get a pass. I asked him what he meant and he said, “You know, one of these” and pretended he was driving a car. I told him he meant a permit. He wanted to know when he was going to take the driving test and is confident he can pass it. I reminded him that he had to get a letter from his occupational therapist saying he was ready and then he had to attend a driving class. He wanted to know who he had to talk to and what he should say. Then he asked for a piece of paper and he wrote it down so he wouldn’t forget to ask. He says it’s not fair because he has waited so long and now he is sixteen and should be able to drive. It does not disappoint me at all that he can’t take his permit test yet because I do not look forward to the day he drives off on his own. They worked again on reading in speech therapy and on comprehension. Zack recognizes that he has a difficult time reading but he doesn’t understand how that might affect him when he tries to take his drivers test. When I picked him up we met a reporter from the Courier Journal. Bill Pike had attended the program at Ky Country Day and heard me speak. He is impressed with Zack’s recovery and has decided to do a story that will run on Thanksgiving. He met us at Frazier East and we walked over to KFC so he could ask Zack some questions. I filled him in on how far Zack has come, the obstacles he has overcome, our victories and the deficits we are still battling. I explained aphasia (the language disorder that causes him to mess up his words) and the visual comprehension difficulties. He asked Zack how he was feeling and he told him he was tired. I explained how fatigue is a lasting effect from brain injury and one we will most likely deal with for a long time. Zack’s brain is working overtime to heal and it is very tiring. He asked Zack how he felt physically and he responded, “pretty good actually”. He wanted to know if Zack was in any pain and Zack said, “No, only when I touch right here” and he reached up to the scar on his head (part of the incision is still sensitive). He asked him about his hobbies and Zack told him he played baseball. Of course he had to tell him about the game where he pitched and won against Trinity. He doesn’t really remember it but Scott had recently talked about how he played baseball and relived that game. Bill asked him if there was anything else he liked to do like fishing or dancing and Zack’s smile lit up and he said “yeah, dancing. I like to do that and I won money dancing.” I explained that he had gone to a Halloween party, danced in a talent contest and won $100. Zack nodded his head and asked him if he wanted to see him dance. He was prepared to get up and perform right there in KFC. He is not shy, my precious boy!
He told him he wanted to get his permit and a cell phone. Bill smiled knowingly. Zack appears like a typical teenager except he really, really wants to go back to school. Most kids his age would relish the opportunity to be out of school but going back to school is a big priority for Zack. Bill asked if there was anything else he should know and I told him that a big contributor to Zack’s recovery is the support he has received from his friends. I also related stories of how our family has been taken care of by people from Southeast Christian Church and Christian Academy. He asked Zack if there was anything he wanted to say to other kids and he replied, “yeah, don’t sneak out. You should do what your parents tell you.” Zack also told him, “A lot of kids have been praying for me”. I explained that research only recently discovered how important family support was in the recovery from traumatic brain injury. That love and support makes a big difference in how completely someone recovers. I also told him that professions still leave one key factor out when determining how well a person will recover and that was God. I explained that we believe Zack’s amazing recovery is due to prayer and told him of instances where our prayers were answered against the odds. It was a good interview and I was proud of Zack. As we left to walk back to our cars Zack held the door open for us and several others who walked out after us. He is still polite and cooperative. We say goodbye and get in our car to go home. Zack is anxious to take a nap but he remembers to tell me that he asked how long he had to wait until he took his driving test. “A month, they said I have to wait a whole month”. When we get home he immediately heads to bed. When he wakes up Taylor comes by to visit and they play pool. I go around and put labels on many of the items in our house like the garbage can, coffee maker, toaster, computer and keyboard. When I head downstairs to label things there I point and ask Zack what different items are. He gets some right away but others he struggles with. He could not tell me the name of a candle but knew the CD player and he identified a bar stool as the couch (its close). It appears that those items he uses and therefore may frequently say (like the pool table) he knows but other obscure items (like the candle) he still gets mixed up. Before the night is over we all end up on one couch (Zack, Taylor, Kyle, Logan, our dog Toby and myself) watching a Disney movie. As soon as Taylor leaves Zack says he is tired, asks for a hug and goes to bed. I get the girls in bed and sit down to talk with Scott a while. We relive some of the last few months and are overwhelmed at how blessed we are. So many people supported us and provided for our family in many ways, least of all through prayer. Zack is home with us again. It’s not that important that he can’t read well because he can talk to us. So what if he doesn’t play baseball, he can dance (boy can he dance). We are blessed every day with his laugh. I remember telling the nurses at Frazier that all I wanted was to see him smile. We haven’t forgotten that. We can tell him we love him and he can answer us. We had a good student, athletic and popular teenager. Now we have living proof that God answers prayers. We still don’t know what the future holds but we know God will continue to carry us. His plan will be perfect. Pray that we will listen for God’s whisper. Pray that Zack will soon be able to return to school. Continue to pray for complete recovery.
I need to go now. The Tooth Fairy comes to Logan tonight (I don’t want to forget) and I think I will go kiss all my kids one more time.
“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” Mathew 12:34

Tuesday November 8, 2005

2005-11-09T00:11:00.000-04:00

Tuesday November 8, 2005 Zack was up by 7:00, ate breakfast and showered. He was watching TV and waiting for me when I told him it was time to go. On the way to Frazier East we talked about how he spent his free time and who he spent it with. I was explaining that his Dad and I want to be sure he understands how his friends can influence him, both positive and negative, and it was our job to insure he had a lot of positive influence around. His morning speech session with Leslie focused on reading for understanding which worked on getting him to slow down, pay attention and memory. He had a second speech therapy with Megan where they worked on understanding how things are related, impulsivity and more on paying attention. Scott took him to Kroger for occupational therapy. I know several people have seen him on his trips there but it is actually therapy. They work on visual scanning, safety awareness in the environment and more reading in real life situations. When I picked Zack up he was hungry and tired. He wanted to know how long his Nuero Eye Exam was going to take. We arrived on time, filled out our paperwork and met Dr. Weinberg. He performed a number of the standard eye tests and then additional specialized tests that determine how well the eyes track, work as a team and his peripheral vision. He confirmed that Zack definitely has a field cut which is a loss of visual field. It appears to be mostly in the upper right quadrant of his visual field. He has other symptoms that indicate visual problems but diagnosing those problems is the first step to correcting them. Correction doesn’t necessarily mean they are eliminated because this is not a sight problem but a perception issue. They have to determine how Zack processes visual information since his injury and his strengths and weaknesses. The visual process involves the flow and processing of information to the brain. Traumatic brain injury disrupts the flow and processing of information between the eyes and the brain. Dr. Weinberg is a “behavioral optometrist” who uses vision therapy to improve fundamental visual skills necessary for efficient processing of information. They believe that vision is a learned process that can be improved through progressive visual exercises or procedures. Correction of visual problems due to traumatic brain injury uses vision therapy to change how a person processes or interprets visual information. They train the brain to use the visual system, even one that is compromised, to work more efficiently. Visual problems can make every task seem more difficult and require more energy than necessary. Another contributor to Zack’s fatigue, especially after a full day of therapy (reading and scanning). We have step two to this Nuero eye exam (to be scheduled) which will test his comprehension, attention, concentration and other cognitive issues. I am anxious to get that scheduled so we can have a complete diagnosis and start to develop a customized vision therapy for Zack. I have been told by other mothers whose children have been diagnosed with visual perception problems, that once they started vision therapy they saw drastic improvement. We have been so blessed with Zack’s recovery that I feel certain that this is just the next step. The brain is fascinating, how every thing is linked to that miraculous little computer in our head. Just another sign of our creators wondrous handiwork…the intelligent design. Please pray for Gods hand in Zack’s diagnoses so that his customized therapy will be perfect. Continue praying for complete recovery.

Monday November 7, 2005

2005-11-08T00:55:00.000-04:00

Monday November 7, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 and had a big breakfast. Scott was taking him to therapy today so I packed his lunch, gave him his medication and told him not to forget his binder. He had speech with Megan and another session with Leslie. They are really focusing on reading and trying to increase the amount he is able to read by two paragraphs (which means he needs to start reading at home). He had a goals class with Scott where they were working on planning and organizing. Dr. Perri told me Zack’s Nero Psych exam is set up for November 28th and 29th. Since it is about a 7 hour long exam we are fortunate to break it up into two days. It will wear Zack out but he knows that this exam is the first step to going back to school which he desperately wants to do. When I picked Zack up he was very tired and seemed to be in a bad mood. He reminded me that he had a dentist appointment (which of course I knew). He is very tired and hungry by the time we arrive at the dentist. He was also very disappointed that he had to keep his braces on for another two weeks. I tried to console him by saying that they would be off in time for the concert in Nashville and he would have his pretty smile back again. We head home and he tells me he can’t wait to get in bed and take a nap. Tiffany and Brittany come to see him while he is sleeping but they hang out until he wakes up. He has a quick dinner before more of his friends arrive. Before long the basement is full of teenagers playing pool. I get a card game of “Golf” going and Zack can’t stand it, he has to get in the game. He takes over Rob’s hand and is fired up when Ashley beats him. He will be looking for a rematch the next time she’s over. As soon as the last visitor leaves Zack informs me he is going to bed. I think about his friends and the other teenagers I met today. At lunch I spoke to a group of kids at Ky Country Day school through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Trish Tobe has arranged for me to go to KCD (where her daughter is a student) and address this group of teenagers on how a single choice can change their lives, how their parents have been given authority over them to help them make good decisions and how God answers prayer. It was also a kick off to a fundraiser they are doing with a cookbook (watch this site for details on how you can participate). This was a smaller group of teenagers than I have spoke to in the past which gave me an opportunity to answer questions. Their FCA teacher representative is hoping that she can open the doors for me to come back and address the entire assembly. She is also hoping that parents will have an opportunity to attend because I have a strong message for them as well. This is the first time I have spoken through FCA and I pray the word gets out now and I am able to get into Eastern, Manual, Male, Oldham County and any other school that will have me. The day is coming when Zack will speak but until then I am the avenue for his message. I pray that God will use these opportunities to reach teenager and draw them into a relationship with Christ. Teenagers will make mistakes, bad choices, but if they know Christ, really know him, then those mistakes can be used as a testimony to His Glory. Tomorrow is Zack’s Neuro Optomology Exam so pray that the eye doctor will have wisdom is determining his perception problems. Pray that one teenager today will make a decision to think about the choices they make. Please pray for Zack’s continued recovery.
Isaiah 40:31…”but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Saturday November 5, 2005

2005-11-05T23:38:00.000-04:00

Saturday November 5, 2005 Zack had to get up earlier that usual for a Saturday because we were participating in a walk-a-thon. The LaRossa Loop was a 25 mile bike or 5, 3, or 1 mile walk to benefit Frazier Rehab. Dr LaRossa is one of the Physiatrist there who was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. They want to name a portion of the new building (LaRossa Lounge) in honor of her years of working with children in rehab. While we ride downtown to the riverfront we are listening to Zack’s C.D.’s again and talking about the concert. We already have 6 or 7 of his friends committed to going to Nashville so my little trip keeps expanding in size. I am starting to get as excited as Zack and his friends. I already know many of the words to the songs we listen to and am anxious to meet the people who have been praying for Zack’s recovery in Nashville. When we arrive at the walk-a-thon we see Larry, his parents, his girlfriend and her parents. Larry was the 19 year old motorcycle accident who suffered a traumatic brain injury two years ago. His Mom and I compare notes on the similarities of their recovery. Larry is working hard in college and is doing very well considering all he has been through. He complained about the restrictions still imposed by his doctor, (primarily because he was a big boating fan) but he follows their instructions because he knows how important they are to his recovery. I tell Zack that when he gets frustrated in the future about the things he can not do I will have him call Larry for support. We see several of Zack’s therapist and nurses who cared for him while at Frazier Rehab. After a short time walking Zack says he wants to run. Larry’s girlfriend and her mother agree to run with us and I tell them not to worry that Zack won’t last long. Well I was very wrong. Zack did fine, it was me who finally asked to take a break and walk for awhile. We ended up running about 3 ½ miles of the 5 mile walk and I felt it keenly by the time we were back at the finish line. We ate hotdogs and chips, talked with the other people we knew from Frazier before heading home. Zack got in the car and told me he was very tired. I told him I was really tired too, that my knees hurt and I couldn’t feel my butt. He told me he wasn’t tired from the run he just wanted to go to sleep, to take a nap like he always does. We get home and I head for the medicine cabinet to see what kind of miracle drug I can find to get the feeling back into my legs. I was only able to rest an hour or so before getting Dylan to basketball tryouts and then to his tennis match. Zack showered and dressed to be ready for his date tonight (dinner with Ashley and Maddie) and the family piles into the car again. At the tennis match a lot of Christian Academy parents got to see Zack for the first time since his accident. They were amazed at how well he was doing. He was talking about his dinner plans and showed off the cash in his wallet. When someone asked how he got so much money he told them he won it dancing. I had to explain about the talent contest he won on Halloween and he decided to show them his dance moves. Before his accident he wouldn’t have spent 5 minutes talking with a parent he didn’t know and now he is dancing for them at a tennis match. Dylan wins his match and we take Zack to P F Changs to meet the girls. We arrive early and Zack sees Allie and Jessica finishing their meal on the patio. They haven’t seen him in a while and spend some time catching up. Once Ashley and Maddie arrive I take Dylan and the girls to eat at California Pizza Kitchen. Zack calls me and says that he wants to ride home with the girls when they leave the restaurant and that sends chills up my spine. The next call is from Ashley saying that they are paying their bill and I tell them we are on our way. I let Zack ride in their car with me following right behind. I am sure Ashley was nervous (I would have been at 16 with a parent critiquing my driving skills) but we all made it home safely. They go to the basement to play pool and I am relieved that Zack will spend the rest of his evening at home. I am tired. My legs ache and I know tomorrow they will be worse. Zack hasn’t mentioned being sore so I guess all the physical therapy has done some good. It has been exactly four months, 120 days, since his accident. He is laughing, playing pool and entertaining the girls. Who could have imagined how far God would bring us in such a short time? We have been so blessed through this experience. We have seen an outpouring of love and support from Christian families we hardly know. We have gotten to know Zack’s friends and appreciate their loyalty. We have had the word of God come alive to us as we experience scripture with a fresh perspective, a different outlook. We have seen the power of God through answered prayers. If we go through trials with thankfulness and praise to God, He promises to bring good things despite them. He says to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience”. James 1:2
Please continue to pray for Zacks complete recovery.

Friday November 4, 2005

2005-11-05T22:33:00.000-04:00

Friday November 4, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 to eat breakfast and take his shower. On the way to Frazier East we talked about the plans for tonight. My niece would be taking him and some friends to the movies. He had brought one of his new C.D.’s with him and we listened to Christian rap by Grits 7. It was really good and I had a new appreciation for this type of music because of the message they were trying to get across to their fans. Music is very important to teenagers and if you are going to reach them for Christ through music, then you better play something they want to listen to, which happens to be rap. I told Zack that I would find out when they were going to be in concert and take him to see them. When I dropped him off for therapy he said, “Are you really going to take me to see them? It would be so cool”. I promised I would. Zack worked on reading and attention to details in Speech. They are trying to get him to slow down when answering questions and listen to himself to determine if he is right or wrong. They worked on visual memory and techniques for scanning the environment to help him remember what he sees. When I picked him up he told me he was very tired and couldn’t wait to get home to take a nap. He wanted to sleep until it was time to get ready for the movies but I told him he would have to get up to eat dinner. Then I gave him the big news. I had called about the concert schedule for Grits 7 and found out they were playing in Nashville at the Winter Wonder Slam. It is a benefit concert for Toys for Tots and would also feature Toby Mac (another favorite Christian Rap artist) and Barlow Girl. Since we would be able to see several bands and I have a good friend Kelly that lives in Nashville I agreed to take him and several friends. He was so excited, first to be going to such a big concert but also for the trip to Nashville with his friends. He used my cell phone to call several of his friends and tell them to be at our house around 6:00 to plan the evening. My nieces Erica and Shannon arrived first. Then Zacks friends began to arrive and before long I had a houseful of teenagers downstairs playing pool. They decided to see “Fog” and headed out at 7:00. Even though it was my nieces driving him it was difficult to send him off in a car with someone else. After the movies they went to Coffee Crossing and played games before coming back to the house. Zack said the movie was kind of stupid and the girls agreed. They said there were some pretty scary parts and that Zack laughed at them when they screamed. I told Ashley and Macy that Kelly in Nashville was trying to arrange for us to meet some of the artist at the concert and this made them scream some more…this time in delight. Zack was safe at home again and very tired. As soon as his friends left he was in bed but he told me he wanted to talk to me before he went to sleep. I go to his room and he tells me he had a good night but he still hadn’t kissed a girl since his accident. I tell him not to rush things but it seems to be an important milestone for him. He thanked me for working on the Nashville trip, told me he loved me and kissed me good night. He smiles at me one more time, points to his temporary braces and says, “Maybe when I get these off I can get a girl to kiss me”. I assure him he will have no problem. I go upstairs and tell Scott of our conversation and we marvel at the new, unique relationship we have with our 16 year old son. He confides in us about things most teenage boys don’t talk to their parents about. He is still sweet and somehow innocent. I think about the many times I kissed him as he laid in his hospital bed, hardly knowing we were there. I remember Scott leaning down to kiss him and telling him how much he loved him. A kiss…how monumental at times…Judas betrayed Christ with a kiss, a husband kisses his bride as they are pronounced man and wife, a mother kisses the newborn baby she has dreamt of for so long. Not long ago I could only kiss Zack’s hand because of all the tubes covering his face. What a blessing it is to be able to talk with him about his desire to be kissed by a girl now. We have so much to look forward to. We still struggle with his deficits but they seem so insignificant because we have him, whole, very much alive. Pray for patience for Zack as he waits for that important kiss. Please continue to pray for his complete recovery for the glory of God.

Thursday November 3, 2005

2005-11-04T01:02:00.000-04:00

Thursday November 3, 2005 Zack was back on his weekday schedule and up at 7:00. I fixed him a big breakfast as a treat and he kept thanking me. On the way to Frazier East we talked about his plans for the weekend. My niece Erica had called earlier in the week and offered to be the cool, slightly older cousin who could take him and some friends to the movies. This way he doesn’t have to feel like his Mom is driving him around and I don’t have to worry about him riding in a car full of teenagers (with a driver that has had their license less than 6 months). I told Zack that Erica wanted to take them to the movies and we talked about who might go. We also talked about girls is general and his desire to kiss someone. I am in a unique position because I have a teenage son who will freely discuss his feeling and listen to my advice. He still has his own opinions but he doesn’t think I’m stupid any more. I think the last four months of him relying on me to take care of life threatening issues has opened his eyes to the value of parents…I hope.
Zack had two sessions of speech with Megan where he worked on reading, word retrieval and sentence correction. We still have not heard when his Neuro Phych exam will be scheduled. It appears we are waiting on insurance approval. He has to take this exam before going back to school so we are anxious to get it scheduled. Scott called me to say that Buddy Jaha had offered him two tickets to the U of L football game for tonight so he could take Zack. They are getting in a lot of Father/Son bonding with golf yesterday and football tonight. I was at a neighbors getting help with some website issues when Dylan knocks on the door to tell me that Scott wanted me to call him. He wanted to tell me how happy he was just watching Zack enjoy the game. They met up with Trey and Andrew and saw several other people he knew. Zack was really into the game and it gave Scott great joy to watch him. Scott was emotional as he told me how much he loved him and how sweet Zack was. At first Zack was anxious to get home to meet an old girlfriend he said was stopping by the house but then he was into the game and said he wanted to stay until the end. By half time though he was tired and ready to go home. When he walked in the door he told me that he had a lot of fun but was very tired. He went right to bed and Scott and I talked about how fortunate we are. Another blessing that we have right now is that Zack appears to appreciate what we have been through and seems to realize that we might know a thing or two after all. How nice is it to have a teenager that knows you’re not an idiot? Maybe some of that “underdeveloped frontal lobe” speech he has heard me making has actually sunk in. His short term memory and the aphasia are still a daily battle. He has to keep asking us the names of friends that he wants to call or says things like, “What is that thing I want to do tomorrow?” when he is talking about going to the movies. I talk to many normal adults who can’t remember people’s names (half the time I call my kids by the wrong name) and they are not as sweet as Zack. We are blessed to have him. We are blessed to have gotten to know many of his friends (and met new teenagers) in a deeper way. We are given a glimpse, up close of how difficult it is to be a teenager. We remember the peer pressure and can appreciate their struggles. They need us and most of the time (though they won’t admit it) they know that the boundaries and rules we set are because we love them and want to protect them. They don’t think they need protecting and that’s were the struggle begins. Tough love. It’s impossible to raise teenagers without it. It is not easy being the parent that sets the rules, who checks up on what their teenager is doing, who calls and verifies plans. But it is a lot easier than seeing your child lying in a hospital bed, praying they will live, or walk and talk again. Free will. Our creator designed us with the ability to make our own choices but he also designed parents and gave them the responsibility of training their children to make good choices. We can’t give up or take the easy way out. I ask for prayers for all parents of teenagers that they will be strong in their convictions. I pray that the hand of God will be ever present in Zack’s recovery guiding us to make the right decisions. Please pray for his continued complete recovery.

Wednesday November 2, 2005

2005-11-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

Wednesday November 2, 2005 Zack got to sleep late today because Scott was taking him to play golf. Last week all of Zack’s friends were out of school for a couple of days on Fall break and Zack had to go to therapy. He didn’t think it was fair that he still had to go to school when his friends didn’t so Scott promised that he would take him to play golf as soon as he could take a day off from work. Today was the day. Yesterday Scott called Frazier East and spoke with Leslie about Zack being out a day. When she learned that he was going to spend the day playing golf with his Dad, Grandpa and Uncle she thought it would be good therapy for him. Spending all day in therapy at Frazier East is hard work for Zack so he deserves a break now and then. When I asked Zack how he played he said not good but Scott told me he didn’t play that bad and even out drove him on a hole. When Zack would concentrate and listen to Scott coaching him he would do well but when he didn’t have his Dad next to him telling him how to take the shot he didn’t do so well. All things considered he had a decent game (even professionals have a caddy advising them so Zack has nothing to be ashamed of) and a lot of fun. It was good therapy for Scott to spend time with Zack. After 18 holes Zack was very tired and anxious to take a nap. I was preparing dinner when he woke up and he asked me how long before we ate. I told him it would probably take an hour and he said, “What about church?” I told him that there was a concert at church tonight and since it was so late I didn’t think we were going. He wanted to call someone to find out if his youth group was still meeting so we called Ashley. She told us that she was going to the concert so Zack decided that’s what we should do. Dylan came in from tennis practice and quickly changed so he could go with us and I told Scott the dinner would be ready in about 45 minutes. Dylan, Zack and I arrived at church and met up with Ashley and four other girls. We got in our seats just in time and Zack was satisfied that I was at the opposite end of the group so I got to sit with them. The concert was very good but mostly slow songs. Zack was antsy to stand up so towards the end when they played a lightly upbeat tune the six of us were standing and clapping our hands (while the rest of the sanctuary sat quietly). When the concert was over and we were out in the hall Maddie asked Zack if he knew her name and he told her “Maddie”. She squealed in delight and I teased her that she must have kept repeating her name to him during the concert. No…instead she wrote her name on his hand and Ashley wrote her name on his other hand. This way he not only knew who they were but what side they sat on during the concert. They had invited him to go out to dinner this weekend and promised to come over tomorrow night, so on the way home he kept checking his hands and repeating their names. He told me he hoped it didn’t wear off before tomorrow so he wouldn’t forget their names. He remembers people, how they made him feel, whether they were friendly, but he has a hard time remembering names. Even the names of people he has known for along time. This has less to do with memory and more with the aphasia so it should improve with time. When we arrived home Tiffany was waiting and then Kera arrived. They played pool and after Kera left the three of us played the card game Golf. Zack beat us both…life is back to normal. He told me he doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow. He had such a good time today he thinks he should skip therapy tomorrow too. I reminded him that therapy is what helps make him well and if he wants to go back to Christian Academy then he needs to work hard in therapy. He agreed (still very compliant). But he said it “still stinks”. He wanted to know when we were going back to church again and when I asked why he said “Cause I want to stand up and hold my hand up when I sing”. It makes me so happy that he wants to spend time at church and is anxious to worship. Maybe this is another reason that God has used his accident…to show others the desire to worship. Zack was not the type to be so demonstrative in church before his accident so this is another blessing. There are so many that I intend to sit down soon and write all the possible reasons why our lives were changed so dramatically. Please pray that Zack will continue to recovery completely and God will continue to reveal His hand in our lives.

Monday October 31, 2005

2005-11-01T00:04:00.000-04:00

Monday October 31, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 and ate breakfast. After he showered we talked about how fast his hair is growing. He is anxious to cover up his scar and it won’t take long. On the way to Frasier East he tells me that today is “that day” so he would probably be doing something tonight. I reminded him he had a dentist appointment today and he wanted to know if I would pick him up early and get him out of school. He had several sessions of speech today with different therapist. They worked on reading, scanning, memory, writing skills and paying attention. When I picked him up he was in a good mood and wanted to get to the dentist quickly so he could get home and take a nap.
Everyone at Dr Zanger’s office was glad to see him. They have been following his progress on this website and Jules had visited him at Frasier Rehab and brought him dental supplies. Dr. Zanger checked out the missing cap and the growing space between his two front teeth since he hasn’t worn his retainer in nearly four months. He decided to put a bracket on the two teeth to pull them together which should only take a few weeks. Then he will apply a new cap and Zack’s beautiful smile will be restored. Zack told them he was proud of his smile and wanted it back. We left the dentist and headed home so Zack could take his nap. On the way home he called Trey and made plans to go to a friends Halloween party. Dinner was ready in the crock pot when we got home (thanks to Janet Smith) so I was able to help the girls with their costumes. We ate dinner and Dylan left to be with his friends while I took the girls around Lake Forest to gather their loot. Before I left I had laid out Zack’s clothes…his cowboy hat, his Dad’s boots, a borrowed flannel shirt. The girls wore themselves out in an hour and a half so I was back early to take Zack to the party. We arrived at Randi Marshall’s a little after 8:00 PM. Everyone was in costume, some creative and some just thrown together. They were having a talent contest and before I knew it Zack was up there doing, what else, dancing. There were several good dance acts (you could tell Randi and Chas had practiced their Grease routine) but in the end Zack was the winner. He was surprised when they handed him $100 but never embarrassed. His buddy Rick was one of the contestants and everyone knows Rick can dance but I think most people were amazed to see Zack. Three months ago he couldn’t even walk and now he was dancing without missing a beat. It is unbelievable. Zack heads downstairs to play pool but by 9:30 he was telling me he was tired and ready to go home. When we get in the car he asked me if I thought he danced good and how cool it was that he won $100. Scott was dancing in the driveway as we pulled into the garage, telling Zack that if he was there he would have beaten him in the contest. I helped Zack get the penciled on fake beard off his face and he jumped in bed with a smile on his face. What a great day for him. What a fabulous day for us. We have our precious boy, not just alive, but really enjoying life. On the way home from the party Zack asked me if I thought he would go to college. I confidently told him he could do anything he wanted to, and I fervently believe that. I could not have imagined him dancing unashamedly in front of his peers, as well as adults, just a few months ago so who knows where God will take him from here. Mark 9:23 “Everything is possible for him who believes”. Continue praying for complete recovery!

Sunday October 30, 2005

2005-10-30T23:21:00.000-04:00

Sunday October 30, 2005 Zack got up at 9:00 with his friends and ate donuts before getting ready for church. He kept asking if he could ride to church with Andrew and I had to explain again why it was too soon after his accident to let him ride with other teenage drivers. Trey left with Andrew and Dan volunteered to ride with Zack so he wouldn’t feel so “weird”. Scott drops them off to worship with the high school while we go to big church. When we get out Zack is waiting for us in the atrium with Kara and Trey. They want to go to the mall and Zack says he knows I won’t let him ride with them. I tell him he looks really tired and maybe he would rather go home and rest but he insist he feels fine and wants to go with his friends. Once we get in the car he asked for my cell phone. He tells me he is going to call them and tell them to forget it. He is really tired and would rather go home and take a nap (his idea but I planted it). The girls go to Rita’s, Dylan goes with a friend to play golf and Scott has to finish a job, so Zack and I go home alone. Zack eats a quick lunch and is asleep before I can finish eating. The house is quiet and I get a chance to catch up on some reading (all brain injury stuff…real exciting). When Zack wakes up he is anxious to get out and do something. We head to church for the Sunday night Vine service and stop for something to eat at Taco Bell. When we arrive in the sanctuary we are searching for other friends that said they would be there. He finds a group of friends and we take our place in time for worship. Zack sings familiar songs and smiles at me as if to say this is where we need to be. Dave Stone is preaching and Zack is listening intently. He leans over and asked me, “How much does he make?” speaking about Dave. I tell him I don’t know and he pauses and looks around before saying, “He should make a lot of money”. When I ask him why he says, “He’s good, look at all the people here”. Later as we sing and he watches Daniel Dabney lead worship he tells me, “Look at his face. It’s special”. I look again at the worship leader, playing the guitar, his eyes closed, faced lifted and singing praises to a merciful God. He looks peaceful, almost angelic. Now I can see what Zack sees. Zack seems to have an insightfulness, yet innocence about him now. He speaks truthfully, through child like eyes. I imagine that God is pleased with that. As we walk out of the sanctuary after making plans to meet some of his friends at Dairy Queen, Zack tells me that next time he is going to hold his hands up. He is referring to the way some of his friends worship, they sing and raise their hands. He comments that Ashley does it real good and he will do it next time. He comments that Daniel Dabney is really cool and when I ask him if he wants to go meet him he thinks it’s a good idea. We walk back in to the front of the sanctuary and find Daniel. I tell him we really enjoyed worship and he asked Zack how he was doing. Zack tells him he is doing good but wants to go back to school. We head to the parking lot and Zack is energized. I tell him I like to see him this excited about going to church and he says, “They do it really good here”. I definitely agree. We meet Ashley and several other friends at Dairy Queen and Zack has a shake while they eat. When we arrive home Tiffany is waiting and Zack visits with her for a little while. As soon as she leaves he is ready for bed (he needs to make up for lost sleep on Saturday night). Tomorrow after therapy Zack has a dentist appointment. Sometime in the last week he has lost a cap off his tooth. He hasn’t been able to wear his retainer in the last four months so all the work we have done since his braces were removed needs to be started over. Hopefully we can get things straightened out without putting him back in braces. I think he has been through enough lately. I feel at peace, contented, as we close the weekend. Our new normal, although at times quite overwhelming, brings us great joy. Zack has come so far in such a short time. He continues to amaze us even when we recognize his weaknesses. Our awesome God has blessed us beyond what we could have hoped for or imagined. Pray that we will continue to be amazed at Zack’s progress. Please pray for complete recovery for Gods Glory.
“Who am I, O Lord God…that You have brought me this far?” 2 Samual 7:18

Saturday October 29, 2005

2005-10-30T16:51:00.000-04:00

Saturday October 29, 2005 Zack was up before me this morning. Scott had left for work early and I slept until after 9:00. Zack was in the living room playing Nintendo. When I went to the kitchen I noticed a bowl of orange juice on the counter. I asked Dylan about it and he said Zack did it. I was puzzled that Zack would drink orange juice out of a bowl when Dylan told me he put it on his cereal. I called Scott on the jobsite and told him that Zack had put orange juice on his cereal for breakfast and wasn’t expecting his reaction. He got very upset and emotional and told me he had to go. I told Dylan and Kyle that their Dad was upset by it and Kyle told me it wasn’t that weird. She said she remembered in preschool that when they ran out of milk they would ask kids if they wanted it with orange juice and several kids ate it that way. Zack came in and told me he was tired and was going back to bed. Since it was only 10:00 AM I told him it was too early for a nap and to come play cards with me. As we played the card game “Golf” I asked him if he knew that he had put orange juice on his cereal. He said that he wanted cereal and we were out of milk so he just used orange juice instead. I asked him if it was good and he said a little bit. I called Scott back to tell him that Zack didn’t confuse the orange juice for milk, he only used it because we were out of milk. This made Scott feel somewhat better but he explained that it just brings to reality that Zack is not the same as before. He would have never put Orange juice on cereal before his accident but that isn’t so terrible. I loaded Zack, Dylan and the girls up and we went to Waffle House for lunch before dropping Dylan off to tennis practice. Then I took Zack and the girls to Wellspring Christian Bookstore to buy him some new C.D.’s. Scott had confiscated all of the C.D.’s (a lot of kids bring music to Zack, mostly stuff they have burned themselves) and listened to them. Many songs were inappropriate and some were downright disgusting. I let Zack listen to dozens of Christian rap artist and we bought 5 new C.D.’s that he really likes. The beat sounds just like the secular stuff all the teens listen to but the words are pure. We leave the bookstore and drop Kyle off for basketball tryouts and then head to Dylan’s tennis match. Zack sits next to me and asked questions about tennis but he also wanted to go out in the car and listen to his new C.D.’s After the game, as we head back to pick up Kyle, Zack is on my cell phone making plans with his friends. When we arrive home several of his friends are waiting there for us. He decides to go with Dan and Tiffany to the Hurstbourne Baptist Youth Group bonfire. It is at someone’s house on ten acres and they have hay rides, play night games and lots of good food. It is a safe environment and we have several parents keeping their eyes on him (as well as his friends) so that Scott and I can go out to dinner. Zack is home at 10:00 PM with Tiffany and Dan. Several other friends come over to play pool and before I know if I have Dan, Andrew, Trey and Rick spending the night. We check in on them periodically and when I looked down at Zack at 1:00 AM he was a zombie on the couch trying to stay awake. He wants so much to be able to hang with the guys but it is so tiring for him. We are happy to provide a safe place for them all to hang out (as long as we can approve the music) because we have to be sure that Zack follows the rules. It is hard for him to understand why things are different for him. I explain to him repeatedly, while he begs me to let him ride with his friends, that it is very easy for him to hurt himself. I am paranoid about 2nd hand smoke (which causes seizures in people with brain injuries) and I know Zack would not make good decisions about what was safe (if he even remembered). We have to keep him close, try as much a possible to control his surroundings, educate his friends and try to teach him to be aware of what is dangerous. We are lucky that his friends have been through all of this with us from the beginning because they understand our concern and appreciate that we aren’t ready to give them the responsibility of keeping Zack safe when he is out. As he recovers our biggest challenge will be to make him aware that he can’t do exactly the same things as his friends (and say it in a way that doesn’t make him feel handicapped). Although it is not good for his friends to smoke, it is far more dangerous for Zack. Although his friends could have a car accident and get hurt, if Zack were with them a simple fender bender could re-injure an already bruised brain and send him back to the hospital. We pray that Zack is patient with us and understands that in time these restrictions will be lifted. We pray that his friends will be sympathetic to our situation and not make Zack feel pressured to go along with the crowd (and so far they have been nothing but supportive). It is harder and harder to see Zack’s deficits now as he has progressed so far, but he still has a brain injury, the aphasia is still present, his memory is weak, he doesn’t recognize his limitations and he is too precious to risk. Please pray that he will continue to recover completely. And pray with confidence as scripture has promised. 1 John 5:14 “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

Friday October 28, 2005

2005-10-29T01:30:00.000-04:00

Friday October 28, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 and I fixed sausage, eggs and pancakes. I felt after a couple days of cereal and Pop Tarts it was time for a good breakfast. He was still tired and quiet as we drove to Frazier East. I told him I would be with him at 10:00 for his meeting with Dr. Perri (psychologist). Dr. Perri needed me to fill in some missing information that Zack couldn’t remember, like his sleeping habits and physical condition before his accident. We talked about his visual perception difficulties, aphasia and attention deficit. All of these he expects to improve with time. He asked if I had seen any “anhedonia”, which is a loss of interest in things he used to enjoy, and I told him Zack wants to do all the same things as he did before the accident. He still wants to hang out with his friends, go bowling, play cards and has asked to go to the movies. He is starting to instant message his friends on the computer although that is harder for him. He can type like a pro but reading is difficult. We talked about the amount of sleep Zack is requiring and although Dr Perri says at this point it is not a problem, he would be concerned in the future if Zack was taking long naps and also sleeping 10 hours at night.
He works so hard in therapy that it wears him out but as he heals he should require less sleep. He asked Zack if he liked it there and Zack told him “a little bit”. I had to inform Dr Perri that Zack tells most people he doesn’t like it because there are “old people there who are weird”. Zack said that we (Dr Perri and I) weren’t old but we were “older”. Dr Perri mentioned the website and said that everyone there gets a little nervous when they see me writing but he thinks the whole idea is good. He suggested that he would like to spend some of his time with Zack reading the website and I told him to be sure to read the comments as well. Then he mentioned that they were talking about scheduling Zack’s Neuro Psych Exam which is an extensive day of cognitive testing (like the S.A.T.’s for brain injury). His therapy team isn’t sure that Zack is quite ready to take the exam yet but it is the first step to going back to school so we want to get it scheduled. Unfortunately there is 1 ½ month waiting list so at least that will give Zack more time for cognitive recall. The meeting was pleasant and informative. Zack proceeded to the gym for occupational therapy with Scott and then on to speech with Megan. I am glad that they are able to do two speech sessions a day because they work on reading, word retrieval and sequencing. I remember when we first arrived at Frazier Rehab I didn’t think much of speech therapy because all he ever did was work on swallowing. Back then I wanted physical therapy because that was where he learned to walk and hold his head up to midline again. Now the importance of those therapies has reversed. Zack doesn’t need as much physical therapy and speech therapy is the most significant. Occupational therapy has been kind of in the middle because in the beginning they worked on more physical aspects and now they do a lot of cognitive work. On the way home Zack was very tired and ready for a nap. I reminded him that we were going to the Varsity Football game at Christian Academy but he would have time to sleep before dinner. It was very cold at the game but Zack enjoyed himself immensely. He got to hang with “his people” and there were several of his friends there that had already graduated. He had to be the envy of many of the guys because he was constantly surrounded by girls. Since I am relegated to sitting with the parents, I feel much safer when the girls are with him. They are more attentive (quite nurturing) and they advise him when he wants to do something that is not a good idea (like take his hoodie off when it is 33 degrees). The guys can’t always think that way for themselves, as evident with 5 or 6 of the high school boys with their shirts off and chests painted for the game. We go to BW3’s after the game with a crew of his friends. Zack got upset with me because I wouldn’t left him ride with one of the girls but I am not ready to give any teenager that responsibility. My mistake came when I let Dylan ride with Kara to BW3’s and had to explain the whole way there why it was O.K. for Dylan but not Zack. It didn’t make any sense to Zack and I can understand why. This is one instance that I hope he doesn’t remember. While he was standing in line with Kara and Caroline, Dylan and I went to search for a table where there was no smoking in the area. Then I saw a table of girls from Eastern that got excited when they noticed Zack standing in line. I heard one girl comment that it was Zack and he was walking and another said that he talks too. I couldn’t help but giggle at their astonishment (but then I remember that his recovery is quite amazing). I go up to the counter and tell Zack that there were several girls from Eastern talking about him and of course that peaked his curiosity. We sat in the booth next to them and when I came back from the bathroom Zack looked like some kind of celebrity. He was in a booth with 5 girls and Jeremy, with another girl leaning over Jeremy to talk to Zack. The other guys standing around didn’t see any deficits…just one lucky guy surrounded by girls. As soon as I can figure out how to do it I promise to get new pictures on the website so those that don’t see him often can be encouraged. A bunch of kids came back to the house to play pool. They stayed until after midnight and Zack was pleased with their company but as soon as they left he went straight to bed. If he dreams tonight I’m sure it will be pleasant (as long as he doesn’t remember the ride to BW3’s). Everyone is astonished at how well he is doing and we feel so blessed that he has come this far so quickly. I pray that he will continue to amaze us and that God will bless us with complete recovery. I ask that you pray that his Neuro Psych Exam will go smoothly and that it will clarify he is ready to go back to school. Please pray that his vision screening will successfully pinpoint his perception problems and a clear course of action will be obvious. Praise God for the little victories and stand in reverent awe of His miracles!

Thursday October 27, 2005

2005-10-27T22:11:00.000-04:00

Thursday October 27, 2005 Zack was up at 7:00 and wanted cereal for breakfast. On the way to Frasier East I told him I would be there at 2:30 for the Team Meeting and his therapist would tell me how well he was doing. I also told him that we were going to meet the firemen that rescued him the night of the accident. I explained how the guardrail came through the windshield and cut his head and how they had to cut the top of the car off to get him out. I told him they thought he was dead and he said, “That’s good that I’m not dead”. I agree. I met with his therapy team at 2:30: Sandy Clark RN, Dr. Perri (psychologist), Leslie and Megan (speech) Suzanne and Scott (occupational).
There was not a physical therapist present but all they need to work on physically is endurance and strength. Speech and Occupational therapy at this point kind of overlap. They both work with him on attention to detail, awareness, impulsivity, perception and reading. His main deficits at this point are still language (aphasia) and visual perception (agnosia) but the aphasia has gotten much better. He is starting to recognize that many tasks are harder than they use to be therefore he will become more aware of his deficits. The more aware he becomes of his deficits (particularly if those deficits become permanent) the more likely he is to experience depression. He is at the beginning of the awareness stage. Cognitively and physically he works well (75% accurate) for 20 to 25 minutes before fatigue sets in. The more tired he becomes, the more impulsive he gets and the less attention or focus he maintains. Fatigue could be a deficit that remains for a long time. His reading has improved a lot this week but is hampered by the aphasia. They suggested that we label things around the house so that he will see written words and associate them with the object. Kyle will really enjoy making index labels and putting them throughout the house. This week they confirmed that he has visual perception problems and they suspect he has a “field cut”. This is when a section of his visual field is absent. It could be a pathway that is severed or actually a damaged nerve (which could not be repaired) or a combination of both. With a field cut a portion of his visual field is missing but he does not see it as a blank spot. His brain fills in the missing part which is not a problem if he is looking at a landscape or sky because the brain just fills in more sky at the missing section. However it becomes a real problem when you try to read because the brain doesn’t always know what letter to fill in. They have referred him to Dr. Weinberg for a Neuro Optometry Evaluation to determine exactly where the field cut is and how large it is. Then they can develop therapies to teach him to work around his deficit (much the same as you work with dyslexia). I have scheduled an appointment for Tuesday Nov 8th and hope that they discover only a small area that can easily be treated. They feel that we will find it on the right side because he still does not scan all the way around on that side. Scott took him to Kroger again today on a scavenger hunt. He asked him questions, like show me where the frozen foods are and has him scan visually from left to right. He stops at about 2:00 so this reminds me very much of “right side neglect” that we dealt with in the first month at Frasier Rehab. Scott also pointed out that Zack really needs to focus more on awareness to his surroundings especially when it comes to safety issues. He is likely to walk right into the traffic lane but Scott did say that he is listening and learning. On the way back from Kroger Zack remembered that he was supposed to do something because he asked Scott, “Am I supposed to stop and look here?” Dr. Perri said that Zack seems to do much better in group sessions and is impressed with his social skills. We can thank his friends for that because they have been socializing him since the first day of his accident. I told his therapist how his friends came to see him every day, played ball and cards with him, even when all he could play was “Go Fish”. I told them they still come everyday and play pool and he gets out to soccer and football games and his youth group as Southeast Christian Church. This is the reason that Zack does so well in group settings…thank you! In general they all agree that Zack is cooperative, he tries very hard, he is a pleasure to work with and is improving every day. They expect him to do very well and return to school but they are not prepared to say when that could happen. They want him to be at a point that he will be successful when he returns to school and right now it is too early to say when that could be. I pray that after we have our appointment with Dr. Weinberg they can develop an aggressive therapy that will help him recovery his reading skills. Zack had interrupted our meeting one time when he was done with his therapy. I told him he had a Seek–n-Find book in his binder and he needed to go work on it. When we were finished I found him in the therapy gym at a table working on a page in the book. He showed me how he had almost found every word but was ready to go home. He said he was very tired but I reminded him we were going to Middletown Fire Station. We got stuck on Gene Snyder Freeway behind an accident and were late arriving at the station. One of the firefighters was already gone but we got to meet Fireman Michael Williams. He was one of the first on the scene and had cut the roof off the car to get Zack out. He described how the airbag and dashboard were on his chest and they thought he was dead until they felt his pulse. He described how Zack started to fight when they intibated him and tried to pull the tube out of his mouth. It was a good sign that he was moving. They really didn’t expect him to live and Michael was very glad we came to see him. Unfortunately, the team working that night has been split up among 3 stations but we intend to visit the Lyndon Lane and the LaGrange Road station and meet the other firefighters that God used to save Zack that night. They invited us to come back and have dinner with them one day and we took pictures with the fire truck (Zack got in the drivers seat). I am looking forward to meeting the other firefighters and hearing their rendition of that night. I admire them greatly and now we are forever grateful for their skill that night. Zack wanted to meet them but now was ready for a nap. He was able to sleep for about 90 minutes before dinner and then I had to attend a middle school parent meeting. When I arrived back home there were several friends visiting with Zack. He has had so many people play a part in his recovery…the firefighters, surgeons, ICU nurses, therapist, doctors and Frazier nurses…but his friends have never failed him. They have been constant, faithful therapist by simply providing support, encouragement, acceptance and love. How blessed we are that God has placed them in his life. They may make bad choices sometimes but to us they show a Christ-like character as Peter described in 1 Peter 1:22 “Love one another fervently with a pure heart”. Praise God for your children. Pray that they will be caught in their disobedience so you can correct bad behavior. Pray that God gives you the courage to be a diligent parent and that your child will recognize it as love. Never give up teaching them how to make wise decisions. Cherish them because, even in their defiance, they need you. Please continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery for Gods glory.