Saturday August 13, 2005

Saturday August 13, 2005 Zack was asleep when I arrived but Dana (day nurse) told me that he had been up at 6:00 A.M. and had just gone back to bed. At 8:30 he is up eating breakfast. He has a healthy appetite and I just read that weight should be monitored weekly because large appetites develop at this stage and he should be prevented from overeating. He can’t really tell when he is hungry and may not remember when he last ate. We take a bathroom break during breakfast and he initiates washing his hands (great job since Mom forgot). At 9:00 we head to speech therapy with Beth (Kathy is off on weekends). Zack gets very frustrated when he can’t write his name. She pulls out the deck of cards but all Zack wanted to do was shuffle them. He is very emotional today and Scott has a hard time with it. In Occupational Therapy his frustration continues when Mary Beth tries to get him to read large words. Again she explains that this is a sign of apraxia (he knows what to do but just can’t do it), which initiates the frustration and emotions. Finally Zack completed a puzzle of shapes, which he was unable to do a few days ago. He squats and picks up beanbags (another task he hates) and shoots some baskets. He gets overwhelmed with emotions many times and Mary Beth tells Scott that we can’t stop when it’s hard or we won’t make any progress. Back in the room to wait for lunch and he gets weighed. Even though he is eating he has lost more weight because he is moving and burning more calories (he is down to 127 #). Lunch comes and Zack finishes every bite but not before we start to get visitors. Taylor Barton (the son of Todd Barton from Southeast Christian Worship team) came with a song he had written and recorded for Zack in Nashville. I hope he has an opportunity to perform it at Christian Academy chapel or at Southeast. Matt Rivard also came by today to bring Zack baseball cards before he heads off for college. At 2:00 Zack goes to group art therapy. It was hard for him, I don’t think he wanted to be there or was very interested in it. He was more interested in eating the glue than becoming the next Picasso. We did get to hear the stories of several of the other patients here, which helps when you feel like you are all alone with debilitating injuries. When we return to the room Zack needs to take a little nap to recuperate from his art torture. When he wakes up and gets out of bed we have a new set of visitors. He hugs Tiffany and slow dances with her for a bit. Soon all our visitors are gone, Scott goes home to wait for the kids and Zack and I are alone. We start to watch a movie but Zack seems upset. I try to understand what he is saying, but since it is in such a low whisper this only frustrates him further, when I keep asking him to repeat himself. I am kneeling ion front of him when he takes my chin in his hand and brings my face to his for a kiss. Ahhh so sweet. I ask him if he wants to go for a ride outside and he nods yes. We take a walk half way around the hospital and it is still hot at 7:00 P.M. Back in his room we catch the end of the movie Dr. Doolittle and I try to work on the website. He sees me typing and wants to try. I type his name but he can’t manage to press more than the “s” over and over again. More tears. He tries so hard and tells me “promise to help me type”. He doesn’t want to let go of my hands and several times he kisses my hand. He is very restless and starts to ask for something. After several times he manages to say “I want Rita”. O.K. Rita is his grandmother but he doesn’t call her that. I get her on the phone and he is crying and says “I love you” then “good-bye”. Rita has been here every day often just sitting in a chair in the corner. She reads her newspaper, pays her bills, takes Zack for rides outside and just watches. He must know that she has been there and wasn’t there tonight. Sometimes I wonder what he is thinking about. He has cried and said he was sorry. We had some victories today but tonight he seems tortured by phantom pain. I feel emotionally drained. It has been a tough day for Zack and now when it’s time to sleep he seems afraid. I request some Trazodone to help him sleep and comfort him until finally he closes his eyes. If he were smaller I would rock him like I did every night when he was a baby. He is a child of God, made in his image, perfect in every way. He is injured but the great physician will heal him. I ask for prayers that he will sleep peacefully through the night and that tomorrow will hold some laughter. I pray that I will have some tenderness left over to give the rest of my family, especially Scott who seems lost in all this.