Tuesday January 3, 2006

Tuesday January 3, 2006 Zack was back up at his usual 7:00 am and had breakfast. I had set out his meds, Amantadine for brain stimulation and Lexapro for depression (of which we haven’t seen any) as I usually did, plus one extra Amantadine capsule that he puts in his pill case to take at lunch time. After he showered and dressed he came to the kitchen where I was getting a cup of coffee (probably my third since I’m dependant). I asked him if he had his pill container and he turned to go get it when I noticed the Amantadine was no longer on the counter. I asked him what he did with it and he said he took all his pills. I asked him if he took the red one and the small white one and he said yes. I asked him where the other red one was and he said, “I took that one too”. I reminded him that one of those was for the afternoon and then wondered if he would be extra attentive this morning. Fortunately I had read enough to know that it wouldn’t hurt him but was a little concerned that he had forgotten our morning ritual of the past two months. We had a little extra time before we needed to leave so Zack got the deck of cards and wanted to play “Kings in the Corner” (a card game that Scott at Frazier had taught him). He plays it very well and generally beats his therapist but he was remembering last night when I had beaten him 4 games to 2. He was not letting me get off so easy and wanted a rematch. It is a quick game that involves attention to detail and we had just enough time for me to beat him two more times. I guess the extra dose of Amantadine is not that fast acting (actually I was luckier with the cards I drew because generally Zack beats me). Driving to school he asked me again who he was supposed to talk to about getting his drivers license. I told him Suzanne (his occupational therapist) was the one to approve that and he said he was going to talk to her this morning. Barely an hour had past when I got a call from Zack saying he had talked to Suzanne and she said it was time for him to take the permit test. I was surprised, congratulated Zack who was very excited and hung up apprehensive at the news. I wasn’t ready for him to drive, even if he was. I don’t know if I will be ready a year from now but apparently I will have no choice. I am thinking about him as I go on to my appointments and again when I am at the office. I have his photo album with me and look through pictures of him in the hospital and at Frazier Rehab. Since tomorrow he takes the first part of the Neuro Psych Evaluation I told him we would go see Mary Beth, Amy, Kathy and the nursing staff on 4 South while we were at Frazier Rehab. We had been looking at the album together and he was pointing out people that he wanted to see. Now as I looked at those photo’s I am thinking of the mother who sat at the bedside of a very badly hurt boy just a few short months ago. She never imagined that her biggest fear in early January would be him getting his drivers permit. She never allowed herself to think much past the next day. On this day in August we were still trying to get Zack to recognize that there was a world on the right side of the room. He didn’t speak or walk or hold his head up for very long. Back then the thought of him driving never entered my mind and now I can’t get stop thinking about it. God has brought us so far in such a short period of time (although to Zack it seems like an eternity since his 16th birthday and he “should be driving”). It doesn’t take anyone but a glance in his photo album to see how different he is from several months ago. There are differences in him, although not as immediately obvious, now than before his accident. Not just the aphasia which is still a daily battle but in personality. It was pointed out to me on New Years Eve as we attended a party at the Jaha’s. Zack and the girls were with us (Dylan was at the middle school party at Southeast Christian Church). Michelle Jaha had her friends there and many of them had met Zack before the accident. I was talking with Michelle and several other girls when Zack came up to ask me a question, smiled at them and said he was looking forward to dancing later and went to sit with Tiffany (since she just had knee surgery she was on crutches). Michelle watched him walk away and shook her head saying “He’s so different now”. Before the accident when Zack went to their house with us he would nod a hello, then withdraw to a corner and get on his cell phone. It was a countdown to when he could leave and meet up with his friends. Now he talks with Michelle and her friends (seniors as Assumption High School) and enjoys himself in whatever situation he is in. He always comes to me surprised that people know about his accident (I on the contrary am surprised when anyone hasn’t heard about it). He is friendlier or outgoing in an innocent sort of way. Prior to the Jaha’s party we had stopped by another party to visit with old friends of ours who now live in New York. They had not seen us for a year and had heard about Zack’s accident from mutual friends. Kurt and Maronda were astonished to see Zack with us. He sat on the couch with them and explained each picture in his photo album. At one point when I joined them to offer further description of what they were seeing, Maronda said that Zack had told them everything pointing out his favorite pictures. He always refers to the pictures of him in the hospital as “this is when I was really messed up” but then quickly flips to his favorite one at Frazier Rehab with girls on each side giving him a kiss. At the Jaha’s as the clock strikes midnight and we all go around hugging and kissing everyone, Zack give Donna a kiss, smiles at her and says, “Hey, thanks for being at the hospital with me. I heard you were there more than my Mom (looks at me and laughs). Just kidding. No really thanks for being there for me”. He goes to talk with someone else and Donna turns to hug me. It is all we need to end this year…Zack with us, his sincere appreciation and that smile.
Zack calls me again after lunch to remind me to get there early to pick him up so I can talk to Suzanne about him driving. When I see her she is talking with another patient but stops to acknowledge me. I tell her that Zack called me and said that she told him he was ready to get his license. She replied, “No, no no. I told him he was getting closer to being ready for the test”. We laugh about Zack’s interpretation and I tell her that I’m not sure I will be ready for Zack to drive in three years. She says she doesn’t think she can hold it off that long but she understands how I feel. She also says he is doing much better and suggests that he bring his driving manual in so they can start reviewing the information. Zack walks up in time to hear that he has to start reading the manual and being quizzed on the information. Although reading is probably his least favorite thing to do right now he is anxious to start driving and will do whatever is required. On the way home I tell him that there is a Boys Varsity Basketball game tonight at Christian Academy and that we should see if Rick wants to go with us. He takes a short nap, we eat a quick dinner and head to the game. Although none of his friends are there yet he doesn’t want to sit with me and heads to the bleachers where all the other kids are sitting. Before long Rick arrives and my cell phone starts vibrating. It is Zack, only a few bleacher seats above me, calling to say he is thirsty and has no money. Some things never change! Zack got to visit with many students that he doesn’t get to see often and I spend most of the game talking to other parents. Everyone is interested in Zack’s progress and when he may be able to come back to school. I explain that he is still battling aphasia and needs more therapy but we hope he will return to school by the end of February. The Neuro Psych Exam will tell us a lot more. His deficits will be clearly identified and an individual education plan put in place. It is an important step in his recovery, so they can formalize the remaining portion of his therapy focusing on specific weaknesses, and the first step in returning to school. He will get to sleep a little later tomorrow and then we head downtown around noon. He will be tested until 4:00. He’s excited but has no idea what to expect. Dr Perri is worried that after the first day I will have a difficult time getting him back there on Thursday. I think Zack will rise to the occasion and although he will find it hard, tiring and somewhat frustrating, he knows how important it is and will want to do his best…both days. Pray that God will grant him extra stamina, determination and prolonged attention. Pray that if the results are less than we hope for that we will be encouraged for what he is capable of doing. Pray that his attitude will be a testimony to the strength he has through Christ Jesus. Pray for even fleeting moments that his recovery will be a testimony to Gods awesome healing power.
Let him be a witness to a bright future of hope, in spite of tragedy, through faith in God’s promise in Mark 9:23 “Everything is possible for him who believes”. Having a vision doesn’t necessarily mean knowing the specifics about what is going to happen next. It has to do with sensing the general direction you’re moving in and having hope that something good is on the horizon. It’s knowing that you do have a future and a purpose, and that it is bright. Continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery for God’s glory.