Saturday February 23, 2007

As time and situations allow I will continue to post updates on Zack's recovery every other month. School is going well for Zack. We are blessed to be at Christian Academy where he is part of a family that understands what he has been through and his deficits. As he makes comments in the classroom or at lunch, the teachers and students know that his strange choice of words is the aphasia (language disorder) and he is not "weird". His friends think he is very funny because he can come up with unusual ways to describe things. I don't worry about him
with these kids but I do wonder how strangers will react to him when he chooses words that don't seem to make sense to them. Right now I can't imagine him going to college with students who don't know his situation and what they might say about him. I am grateful that Zack does not seem embarrassed or shy to explain why he talks the way he does. I guess he will be carrying that accident picture with him for a long time as a means of explanation.
Zack completed his 2nd Neuro Psych Evaluation in mid January. It took him two separate days because they added a new section and he wanted to do well on it. This evaluation is a tool to see how he is recovering and as expected his scores were overall higher since his last test in Jan 06
(6 months after his accident). The examiner described Zack as bright, cheerful, outgoing, cooperative and charming. She wrote that he expresses himself quite well despite significant aphasia. They were impressed with his ability to compensate for his language deficit but many of the test results were impacted by his aphasia, which we expected. His long term memory is intact but short term is still a problem. He can't study for a test too much in advance or he will forget the information (he has to cram the night before). Dr. Frantom was very impressed by his "working memory" which is the ability to "think on your feet". Zack scored high in this area the first time they tested him but he has improved even more (nearly 25% above average for someone who does not have a brain injury). Most people with a brain injury have trouble with short term and working memory so we are blessed that Zack only has to deal with issues relating to short term memory loss. The biggest surprise to us was how much his visual field deficit (field cut or blind spot) impacted several tests. I thought it only presented a problem when he was driving but several test results were below normal due to visual deficits. This is one reason his reading speed is still very slow. There is no surgery to correct a field cut because it has nothing to do with the eyes but rather how the brain perceives what the eye is seeing. Zack had 6 months of vision therapy which taught him how to compensate for his field cut, but he will always have it. There is no cure for aphasia. It may improve with time, but now that he is 18 months post accident, he will probably be dealing with it the rest of his life. We are very blessed that he does not get easily frustrated with his inability to find the right words to express himself. Dr Frantom finds Zack a very interesting case, very unique, and hopes to continue to test (study) him in the future. They can learn a lot on how the brain heals and the roll that family support plays in recovery. We used additional therapies, like Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment with Caroll Britton, that were not done through Frazier. I firmly believe that these things contributed to Zack's overall recovery. In addition, our faith that God would continue to heal him and Zack's belief that prayer is the answer, is a factor that most professionals do not take into account.
Zack has been training with the baseball team since January. Last week he had to be at school at 5:45 AM on several days for tryouts and then continue conditioning after school as well. He came home Tuesday very upset because he did not do well. When balls were hit to him in the outfield he missed over half of them. He told me he thought he would just drop out but I convinced him to wait one more day to see what happened. I got our neighbor, Michael Getz, to throw him long, high balls and then I watched Zack try to catch them. Although initially he would be right under the ball, he missed every one that came to his right side. He just couldn't see the ball. I explained to Zack that his field cut was the problem and we came up with some strategies. He would need to run to the right so that the ball came at him from his left side (out of his blind spot) and also turn his head slightly right. Once he tried these techniques he caught every one, so he was encouraged to stick with it. He loves baseball and before his accident he was an excellent ballplayer. He was so pumped up when Dr Mook released him to play and he was determined to make the team. When he came home from school on Wednesday he told me it was over. The coach cut him from Varsity but told him he could still be involved with the JV team. Zack politely declined but the coach told him he would give him a few days to think it over. When I talked to Zack, he explained that since he played Varsity as a Sophomore it would be hard to go back to JV now. He wasn't upset. He knows that he is not the same player he was before the accident. The new baseball coach at Christain Academy is my cousin so I called him to explain Zack's decision. I didn't want him to feel bad. He knows how hard Zack tried and how much he wanted to be part of the team again and he didn't want to deny him the opportunity. We talked about Zack's field cut and he explained that he was even more worried about Zack on the pitchers mound and running the bases. The ball comes at you much harder and faster and you have less time to react in those situations. He was concerned with Zack's safety but he also wanted him to be able to reconnect with his team. I assured him that Zack was not upset; he had to try, he understands the dangers, so it was best that he just move on from baseball. Thursday when I was coming home from work I passed by the baseball field and saw the team practicing. It broke my heart. I had so looked forward to sitting in the stands with Dr Perri and his therapist to see him play again. I realized that would never happen and it was hard. The tears flow know just writing about it. I called Zack and told him that I past the field and saw the team practicing, but as usual it was Zack who put things into perspective. There was a girl's varsity basketball game at Male High school at 6:00 and if he was playing baseball he wouldn't be able to go. At the game he cheered his friends (Brooke and Laura) and saw some students from male that knew him before the accident. he made us laugh at his antics and our world was right again. I was reminded just how blessed we are to have Zack alive. We may never see him play baseball again but he is destined for much better things. Zack and I just completed our training with the Brain Injury Association as First Contact volunteers. We will continue to go to University Hospital and Frazier Rehab to give hope to other families who are dealing with the tragedy of brain injury. Our last visit to University Hospital was for another teenager who did not survive, but we were still able to comfort his friends and family. Zack was worried that they would hate him because he lived and there son died and he didn't know what to say. I assured him that they would not hate him but instead look at him as hope for others. They hugged him and told him how glad they were that we came and what a miracle he was. They were told by the staff at the hospital that he was one in a million.
We also saw Yolanda, one of Zack's ICU nurses, who visited him when he moved on to Frazier Rehab. She had not seen him in over a year and was amazed at his progress. She told him that she wanted to help him get a job as a transporter at the hospital so he could have direct contact with patients and their families. It is something we will consider after he turns 18. Zack explained to Yolanda that God saved him for a purpose and he is anxious to see what that will be. Although he is aware of his limitations due to deficits from the accident, he knows how blessed he is just to be alive. This is driven home each time we make a hospital visit or when we go to Frazier and see other patients in the early stages of recovery. Zack is still fascinated with the sky. One of the first things he does in the morning is step outside to look at the sunrise and he frequently drags me outside in the cold at night to look at the stars. He is always looking up because he knows that is where miracles come from. Perhaps is attitude is so upbeat because his focus is upward. One night going to the hospital for a visit Zack said he had something to say that was kind of bad but he didn't want me to get upset. He told me he wished he could die right now because he couldn't wait to get to heaven. He said he remembered something from when he was in the hospital. He wasn't sure if it was a dream or if it really happened, but he saw heaven. He said he had to wait in line but then he was before Jesus who gave him a big hug. He looked around and saw heaven and it was beautiful with streets of gold. He said it was so real but that maybe he was dreaming. I reminded him that when he was barely able to talk he told his dad that he met God. We talked about it for a while and then I explained that it was good to long for heaven but he was too young to go there just yet and since God saved him He must have a plan for him on earth. He certainly is not afraid to die because he is sure of his eternal home.
It is strange how sometimes I miss those days in the hospital with Zack. I remember the evening that I approached him room in ICU and all the lights were on and there was a lot of commotion. A nurse ran to the door and told me to come quickly and at first I was afraid that something terrible has happened. As I entered the room it was full of what seemed like the entire ICU staff, some of the nurses with tears in their eyes. As I watched them give the verbal command, Zack gave "thumbs up" for the first time. It was four days after his accident and the first time that we knew Zack could hear and understand us. It brought me to my knees in tears of gratitude. In those days, as we rejoiced over each tiny improvement, it forced me to rely more and more on God. I miss that dependence because I was closest to God during those difficult times. I truly believe that His strength is made perfect when we are weak. Now that Zack is doing so well and we are caught up in daily living, it is good to have reminders that God is in control. We can view the end of baseball as a sign of our weakness and His strength. It gives us opportunities to look at Zack in a different way and examine our relationship with God. We can focus on what God has in store for Zack that is beyond baseball and his aspirations before the accident. Most of the time Zack sees these things more clearly that we do. He desires to "do something for God". Right now every night he is reading a book for Bible class called "Jesus Freak" and it contains stories of people who suffer because of their faith. He says that he wants something like that to happen to him. He wants to give back to God. We are just thankful that God gave him back to us and we will continue to give Him the glory!