Saturday February 23, 2007

As time and situations allow I will continue to post updates on Zack's recovery every other month. School is going well for Zack. We are blessed to be at Christian Academy where he is part of a family that understands what he has been through and his deficits. As he makes comments in the classroom or at lunch, the teachers and students know that his strange choice of words is the aphasia (language disorder) and he is not "weird". His friends think he is very funny because he can come up with unusual ways to describe things. I don't worry about him
with these kids but I do wonder how strangers will react to him when he chooses words that don't seem to make sense to them. Right now I can't imagine him going to college with students who don't know his situation and what they might say about him. I am grateful that Zack does not seem embarrassed or shy to explain why he talks the way he does. I guess he will be carrying that accident picture with him for a long time as a means of explanation.
Zack completed his 2nd Neuro Psych Evaluation in mid January. It took him two separate days because they added a new section and he wanted to do well on it. This evaluation is a tool to see how he is recovering and as expected his scores were overall higher since his last test in Jan 06
(6 months after his accident). The examiner described Zack as bright, cheerful, outgoing, cooperative and charming. She wrote that he expresses himself quite well despite significant aphasia. They were impressed with his ability to compensate for his language deficit but many of the test results were impacted by his aphasia, which we expected. His long term memory is intact but short term is still a problem. He can't study for a test too much in advance or he will forget the information (he has to cram the night before). Dr. Frantom was very impressed by his "working memory" which is the ability to "think on your feet". Zack scored high in this area the first time they tested him but he has improved even more (nearly 25% above average for someone who does not have a brain injury). Most people with a brain injury have trouble with short term and working memory so we are blessed that Zack only has to deal with issues relating to short term memory loss. The biggest surprise to us was how much his visual field deficit (field cut or blind spot) impacted several tests. I thought it only presented a problem when he was driving but several test results were below normal due to visual deficits. This is one reason his reading speed is still very slow. There is no surgery to correct a field cut because it has nothing to do with the eyes but rather how the brain perceives what the eye is seeing. Zack had 6 months of vision therapy which taught him how to compensate for his field cut, but he will always have it. There is no cure for aphasia. It may improve with time, but now that he is 18 months post accident, he will probably be dealing with it the rest of his life. We are very blessed that he does not get easily frustrated with his inability to find the right words to express himself. Dr Frantom finds Zack a very interesting case, very unique, and hopes to continue to test (study) him in the future. They can learn a lot on how the brain heals and the roll that family support plays in recovery. We used additional therapies, like Rhythmic Writing and Instrumental Enrichment with Caroll Britton, that were not done through Frazier. I firmly believe that these things contributed to Zack's overall recovery. In addition, our faith that God would continue to heal him and Zack's belief that prayer is the answer, is a factor that most professionals do not take into account.
Zack has been training with the baseball team since January. Last week he had to be at school at 5:45 AM on several days for tryouts and then continue conditioning after school as well. He came home Tuesday very upset because he did not do well. When balls were hit to him in the outfield he missed over half of them. He told me he thought he would just drop out but I convinced him to wait one more day to see what happened. I got our neighbor, Michael Getz, to throw him long, high balls and then I watched Zack try to catch them. Although initially he would be right under the ball, he missed every one that came to his right side. He just couldn't see the ball. I explained to Zack that his field cut was the problem and we came up with some strategies. He would need to run to the right so that the ball came at him from his left side (out of his blind spot) and also turn his head slightly right. Once he tried these techniques he caught every one, so he was encouraged to stick with it. He loves baseball and before his accident he was an excellent ballplayer. He was so pumped up when Dr Mook released him to play and he was determined to make the team. When he came home from school on Wednesday he told me it was over. The coach cut him from Varsity but told him he could still be involved with the JV team. Zack politely declined but the coach told him he would give him a few days to think it over. When I talked to Zack, he explained that since he played Varsity as a Sophomore it would be hard to go back to JV now. He wasn't upset. He knows that he is not the same player he was before the accident. The new baseball coach at Christain Academy is my cousin so I called him to explain Zack's decision. I didn't want him to feel bad. He knows how hard Zack tried and how much he wanted to be part of the team again and he didn't want to deny him the opportunity. We talked about Zack's field cut and he explained that he was even more worried about Zack on the pitchers mound and running the bases. The ball comes at you much harder and faster and you have less time to react in those situations. He was concerned with Zack's safety but he also wanted him to be able to reconnect with his team. I assured him that Zack was not upset; he had to try, he understands the dangers, so it was best that he just move on from baseball. Thursday when I was coming home from work I passed by the baseball field and saw the team practicing. It broke my heart. I had so looked forward to sitting in the stands with Dr Perri and his therapist to see him play again. I realized that would never happen and it was hard. The tears flow know just writing about it. I called Zack and told him that I past the field and saw the team practicing, but as usual it was Zack who put things into perspective. There was a girl's varsity basketball game at Male High school at 6:00 and if he was playing baseball he wouldn't be able to go. At the game he cheered his friends (Brooke and Laura) and saw some students from male that knew him before the accident. he made us laugh at his antics and our world was right again. I was reminded just how blessed we are to have Zack alive. We may never see him play baseball again but he is destined for much better things. Zack and I just completed our training with the Brain Injury Association as First Contact volunteers. We will continue to go to University Hospital and Frazier Rehab to give hope to other families who are dealing with the tragedy of brain injury. Our last visit to University Hospital was for another teenager who did not survive, but we were still able to comfort his friends and family. Zack was worried that they would hate him because he lived and there son died and he didn't know what to say. I assured him that they would not hate him but instead look at him as hope for others. They hugged him and told him how glad they were that we came and what a miracle he was. They were told by the staff at the hospital that he was one in a million.
We also saw Yolanda, one of Zack's ICU nurses, who visited him when he moved on to Frazier Rehab. She had not seen him in over a year and was amazed at his progress. She told him that she wanted to help him get a job as a transporter at the hospital so he could have direct contact with patients and their families. It is something we will consider after he turns 18. Zack explained to Yolanda that God saved him for a purpose and he is anxious to see what that will be. Although he is aware of his limitations due to deficits from the accident, he knows how blessed he is just to be alive. This is driven home each time we make a hospital visit or when we go to Frazier and see other patients in the early stages of recovery. Zack is still fascinated with the sky. One of the first things he does in the morning is step outside to look at the sunrise and he frequently drags me outside in the cold at night to look at the stars. He is always looking up because he knows that is where miracles come from. Perhaps is attitude is so upbeat because his focus is upward. One night going to the hospital for a visit Zack said he had something to say that was kind of bad but he didn't want me to get upset. He told me he wished he could die right now because he couldn't wait to get to heaven. He said he remembered something from when he was in the hospital. He wasn't sure if it was a dream or if it really happened, but he saw heaven. He said he had to wait in line but then he was before Jesus who gave him a big hug. He looked around and saw heaven and it was beautiful with streets of gold. He said it was so real but that maybe he was dreaming. I reminded him that when he was barely able to talk he told his dad that he met God. We talked about it for a while and then I explained that it was good to long for heaven but he was too young to go there just yet and since God saved him He must have a plan for him on earth. He certainly is not afraid to die because he is sure of his eternal home.
It is strange how sometimes I miss those days in the hospital with Zack. I remember the evening that I approached him room in ICU and all the lights were on and there was a lot of commotion. A nurse ran to the door and told me to come quickly and at first I was afraid that something terrible has happened. As I entered the room it was full of what seemed like the entire ICU staff, some of the nurses with tears in their eyes. As I watched them give the verbal command, Zack gave "thumbs up" for the first time. It was four days after his accident and the first time that we knew Zack could hear and understand us. It brought me to my knees in tears of gratitude. In those days, as we rejoiced over each tiny improvement, it forced me to rely more and more on God. I miss that dependence because I was closest to God during those difficult times. I truly believe that His strength is made perfect when we are weak. Now that Zack is doing so well and we are caught up in daily living, it is good to have reminders that God is in control. We can view the end of baseball as a sign of our weakness and His strength. It gives us opportunities to look at Zack in a different way and examine our relationship with God. We can focus on what God has in store for Zack that is beyond baseball and his aspirations before the accident. Most of the time Zack sees these things more clearly that we do. He desires to "do something for God". Right now every night he is reading a book for Bible class called "Jesus Freak" and it contains stories of people who suffer because of their faith. He says that he wants something like that to happen to him. He wants to give back to God. We are just thankful that God gave him back to us and we will continue to give Him the glory!

Thursday December 28, 2006

Thursday December 28, 2006

Sorry it has been so long but I really did not think people were still reading the website until I went to a basketball game at Christian Academy recently. Several people told me they still look for updates so I was convicted to post again. We have had a busy fall with the kids back in school. Zack is doing very well, thanks to all the help he receives from Carol Britton (his tutor) and the fact that he only has four classes right now. His grades are good but he still struggles when there is a lot of reading involved. We are seeing the impact of his limited short term memory but Carol explains that his deductive reasoning skills are excellent. If he is able to talk a question through he can usually come up with the right answer. Mostly he struggles with memorization of names and dates. We received the PSAT test results that he took this past October. Although it was expected that he would not do as well as he had before (he excelled on this same test as a Sophomore before his accident) his 30 point drop underscores how the accident has impacted his cognitive abilities. We are still thankful that he is reading, studying and taking tests at all, considering we were told he would never return to school.
Zack still battles daily with aphasia (the language disorder). During Christmas he was looking for the “covering for presents” so I helped him pick out wrapping paper. When he was loading presents in the car he told me he needed a “covering” and I asked him why he needed more wrapping paper. He explained “not that kind of covering, for the liquid from the sky”. I corrected him, pointing out that it was raining, and we laughed as I found him an umbrella. Usually the aphasia makes us laugh and he rarely gets frustrated by it. Occasionally though when I am trying to explain where something is or ask him to find something for me, it can get tiring. Last week I called and wanted him to measure a headboard that was stored in our garage. I thought I was explaining it well, telling him what it was used for and exactly where it was at, but he kept going back to our lawn chairs. Finally, Dylan got on the phone and showed Zack what I was talking about. There is no cure for aphasia. It has improved a lot since the beginning of the year and we expect it to continue to get better, but he may experience it for the rest of his life. We are very blessed that Zack takes it in stride and those around him are understanding and patient. When he does run across someone that seems annoyed or puzzled by his odd description of things, he pulls out a picture of himself from his wallet. It is a graphic head shot in the hospital the day after his scull was removed. He will show it to them and say, “I was wrecked and sometimes I forget words”. They are always sympathetic and frequently embarrassed that they may have been insensitive. Zack then tells them all about his accident and how God saved him. He is never embarrassed and it has frequently led to a free lunch. Zack is aware of his deficits but he is even more conscious how blessed he is to be alive. He is always the one that asks family members of other patients that we visit if they believe in God. While I am the one helping to explain what they may encounter with a brain injury, he is the one that tells them to pray. He tells them it really works, God hears you and it is the most important thing to do. I am always thanking him in the elevator as we leave the hospital that he shared his faith and gave God the credit for his recovery. It reminds me why we have come so for when many others are not near as fortunate. We are given concrete evidence of our blessing every time we visit people at University Hospital or Frazier Rehab.
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we received a phone call asking us to visit a family at University whose 21 year old son had received a brain injury from a car accident. When I told Zack about the call he said the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he was anxious to go see them. We spent about two hours with the family and went into ICU to see Andy. Zack told his Mom that Andy looked good, to keep praying and not give up hope. We saw several of the nurses that took care of Zack when he was there and they were amazed at his recovery. We promised to come back again to see Andy that weekend and left feeling as blessed as they felt encouraged. The Saturday after Thanksgiving, as I was putting up Christmas decorations, we received a phone call with devastating news that Andy had died the day before. I was heart broken, even though I had only just met them, because of the connection through Zack’s similar situation. I wept with compassion for the family and humble appreciation for our blessings. Zack came home with Scott and we all cried as we discussed what had happened. Zack left to watch the U of L game at a friend’s house and I could only stare at a half decorated Christmas tree. When the phone rang again I never expected it to be Zack and certainly didn’t anticipate the reason for his call. He told me he just had an accident. I couldn’t believe him. Finally I asked him if he was OK and he said, “yes but it’s really bad”. I got Scott out of the shower (not daring to go myself) and he met a shaking Zack on Shelbyville Road. I was frantic waiting for them to return or at least call me. When they finally came home, Zack was stunned but uninjured. His car was totaled but he had his seatbelt on (one lesson he will never forget) and Scott was distraught. He said that if I saw the car I would not believe that Zack could be OK. Zack stopped us and said he had one thing to say. He said God saved him again and he knows that God has a special plan him. For the next hour I just sat on my couch and stared out the window, numb with emotion and filled with gratitude. Zack has no car now (and we have no money to buy him another one) but it seemed so insignificant. Later that day, when the car was towed to our house, I couldn’t even go out to look at it. Zack and Scott both tried to convince me come outside but I just couldn’t do it. The next morning I peered out the window and finally got the nerve that afternoon to get close enough to touch it. All I could think of was how God would use this to glorify Him. Zack complained that his neck hurt a little in church so on Monday I called Dr Mook. When I told him Zack had a car accident he blurted, “He didn’t hit his head, did he?” I assured him Zack’s head was fine, he was wearing his seat belt, but he had a little whiplash. Dr Mook felt he should check Zack out so we went in to see him. He agreed that Zack was fine and it gave us another opportunity to visit all our friends at Frazier. Then Zack asked Dr Mook if he could play baseball. Dr Mook is a big baseball fan so I was not surprised when he agreed (it will be 19 months since his accident by the time baseball try outs start). On the way home from Frazier Zack made an important phone call. He called Jeff Wagner, Andy’s cousin, who we had met at University Hospital. Ironically, Jeff had told Zack when he was ready to play baseball to give him a call and he would have him in shape in 3 months. Jeff played for St X High School, holds the home run record at Notre Dame and played 5 years professionally for the Angels. He retired from professional ball a few years ago and coached for both Trinity and St X. They made arrangements to meet that weekend to discuss a training program. Now Jeff picks Zack up several times a week and works with him one-on-one. Who would have thought that our visit to University Hospital one evening a month ago would have introduced us to the perfect batting coach for Zack? Coincidence. I don’t think so. God continues to put people in our path, to build circumstances that only He could envision, to light our path. I don’t know if Zack will make the baseball team but frankly I can’t imagine otherwise. There are many people watching…waiting to see him play again. Dr Mook, Dr Perry, Amy (PT) and Mary Beth (OT) will be smiling in the stands as Zack comes up to bat. The kid that wasn’t expected to walk again will be hitting homeruns. Don’t laugh…stranger things have happened to us since this whole “God thing” started on July 8th 2005. To God be the Glory!

Saturday September 30, 2006

Saturday September 30, 2006 I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted but I now have to fight for computer time with Zack, Dylan and Kyle now that they are back in school. Zack is doing well in school because he works very hard. He gets help in a directed study hall and also is tutored by Carol Britton. He spends most nights typing his notes and studying. His teachers are very supportive and all of them are willing to give him the extra help he needs to be successful. I am impressed with his self motivation and determination to study. We don’t get to play cards as much anymore but I still get to interact a lot with him (only now it’s drilling him for test and reading over his papers).
We celebrated his 17th birthday with a surprise. The Junior Retreat was on the Friday of his birthday and I was a chaperone. Since we were going to Camp Piamingo where they would be completing various obstacle courses the school thought it would be best if I was there to supervise Zack and insure his safety. We arrived early at school and I met the other parents and teachers who were chaperoning. They gave us the lists of kids in our group and instructions for the day. Zack had already found his friends and boarded the bus. As I walked down the sidewalk towards my car I searched the windows for familiar faces. It was bitter sweet. I was so glad that Zack was making new friends in this class and blessed that he was even able to be here, but I really didn’t know many of these students. I couldn’t help thinking about the Senior class, the kids Zack grew up with, the ones that visited him every day at Frazier Rehab and went with us to Nashville for the Toby Mac concert. I looked at my list of kids again and other than Zack I only knew Addison and Chelsea. I had to admit I was nervous. I wanted them to like me so they would like Zack. By lunch time I had bonded with all the girls while I taught them to play Golf, our favorite card game. It turned out to be a beautiful day and everyone seemed to have a good time. The best part for me was when it was time for me to head back to school the girls ran to give me hugs and tell me how much fun I was. I had to beat the bus back to school so I could pick up Zack’s birthday present. When his bus pulled up we had his car, with a big bow on top, sitting in front of the flag pole. He was very surprised and excited, and his friends congratulated him while we took pictures. Of course we had to go for a test drive and since he only had his permit I got to enjoy his celebration. Last Tuesday he got his drivers license and Wednesday he drove his car to school for the first time. Now I have new worries. He drove to church Wednesday night and of course a storm arrives. As we are leaving church the sky is lit up with lightning and Dylan reminds me that Zack will be driving home in the rain. I call him while he is at Taco Bell and he tells me he has to take a friend home in Owl Creek, the opposite way from our house. I warn him to be careful and hurry home to wait. Scott is less patient and after only ten minutes he leaves to drive down Shelbyville Road, looking for Zack. Just a few minutes after Scott leaves, Zack arrives home, safe and sound. He tells me it’s kind of cool driving in the rain because you have to drive slow and really pay attention. He laughs at his Dad driving around in the rain and heads off to do his homework. I call Scott and tell him Zack is home and we decide this will be the first of many nights we will worry about him driving. I know every parent of a teenager has felt the same way but it doesn’t ease our mind to know we are in good company.
This past weekend Scott and Zack attended Promise Keepers at the Fairgrounds. Zack went forward and recommitted himself to following God’s leading in his life. They came home and told me (with tears in their eyes) what an amazing first night they shared. The next day they were there again and on the first break Zack called me to apologize for any time he might have disrespected me or hurt my feelings. He said he loved me and was going to try to be a better person. That night he told me that he wished he could go to Promise Keepers every weekend because it was such a powerful experience and he felt so close to God. The next day was my family reunion and Zack brought his girlfriend Rachel. Rachel is good friends with Michele Jaha, my friend Donna’s daughter (Donna stayed with Zack at Frazier Rehab when I had to go back to work). I have known Rachel for several years and she and Zack started out as friends. We love Rachel. She is a Christian and goes to church with Zack. She also closely followed his progress through his recovery, posted on this site and knows exactly what Zack (and our family) have been through. She understands when Zack says something inappropriate (he is still developing the gate that prevents him from saying exactly what he is thinking) and is aware of his aphasia (they laugh together when he chooses the wrong word for something). It is reassuring that she appreciates why we may seem a little over protective (after all he is 17) and she is comfortable just hanging out with our family. They had a good time together at the reunion and my family was delighted to see Zack. Most of my cousins had not seen Zack since the accident and were amazed at his recovery. God is so good! He continues to bless us with milestones we thought we would never have with Zack.
We may cringe as he pulls out of the driveway but, despite his blind spot, he is driving.
I may struggle to remember English and History facts in order to help Zack with his homework but, against all odds, he is back in school. He is as handsome as he ever was but now the beauty is also on the inside…he is not ashamed to tell you how much God has done for him. We have so much to look forward to but we still try to stay focused on the very near future. I pray that our experience will be a testimony to the power of prayer and the faithfulness of our Lord. While no one can pretend the past didn’t happen, it’s possible to pray that all the effects of it are removed. God says we are to cry out for deliverance, walk in His ways, proclaim His truth, and then we will find freedom from our past. We continue to pray for complete recovery but we accept that God’s healing will be complete in His time.
I am speaking to students again through FCA and will have a large audience at Shelby County High School. Pray that our message will be well received, that the students will recognize the how their choices can impact them for the rest of their lives and how God is always there to rescue them.

Sunday August 20, 2006

Sunday August 20, 2006 Since my last posting on the anniversary of Zack’s accident I have had many people ask if I intend to keep updating now that it has been a year. Although we no longer see the day to day changes in Zack, he still continues to recover and I feel compelled to write about our journey. Zack started school as a Junior at Christian Academy last Wednesday August 16th. None of us slept well the night before, anxious or excited for what this new school year held. It was bitter sweet. As we approached the campus we saw the Seniors (who had camped out the night before) in their bathrobes and lawn chairs. They were holding up signs that read “Honk if you love seniors”. Fighting back the tears I honked and waved at all the kids that Zack has been in school with since Kindergarten. Zack should be standing with them, shouting and waving...he would have been a senior this year but for that fateful night. I was worried about how Zack was feeling as he waved to several of the guys on his old basketball team and as we past them he looked at me and said “Did you honk? Why would they want to stand out there in their bathrobes? Next year if my friends want to do that I am not wearing my robe!” There you have it. Zack did not dwell on the fact that he should have been there with them but rather how foolish he would feel in front of the school in his robe. I quickly glanced the other way so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes and thanked God silently for this absolutely wonderful attitude He has given Zack. When I pull up in the carpool line all my kids pile out of the car, grab their backpacks out of the trunk and walk into the building like any other school day. I drive away, passing the seniors again, honking and waving, but this time I am smiling. I drive to work thinking about how Zack teaches me what is important without even realizing it. I should be grateful that he is even able to walk into school this year, not worried that he has fallen a grade behind. I am interested in talking with all my kids at the end of the day to see how their first day back to school has been but I am particularly anxious for an update from Zack. He tells me he ate with his old friends at lunch and that they thought they were “cool or something because they were seniors but they are the same guys as always”. They laughed and goofed off just like they did as Freshman. He is in a new homeroom this year and most of his classes are with Juniors. Because he carried such a heavy class load as a Freshman (with the intent on taking college prep courses as a senior) we are fortunate that he has three study halls this year. He goes to English, then study hall, History and Bible and then directed study hall (a smaller class where Jalynn, part of the discovery department, can help them), algebra and then he ends his day with his tutor Carol Britton. We are counting on this schedule to help him insure success this year in school. Zack is confident that he will get good grades and his attitude and determination will go a long way getting him there. However the aphasia still presents a problem. Unlike elementary and middle school, where our school supplies lists are mailed our in advance, in high school the students go to class and write down what they need. Zack reads me what he wrote down. English: 3 text books, 100 folders, lots of paper. His list in each class is rather confusing but he insists that he knows what he needs to get. I decide to get 3 notebooks, 3 folders, 3 binders and lots of paper for each class and hope that is sufficient. I ask Zack if he will be embarrassed to ask his teachers if these items are right and he smiles at me and says, “Mom, I was wrecked. I am not embarrassed to ask them anything”.
Zack continues to attend a small group Wednesday night Bible study for high school and college students. Each night when he comes home he tells me what he learned. He always starts the same. “Mom, you know what I found out?” He talks to me about Job and how Jesus was Jewish (which he finds amazing). He listens and drinks in biblical knowledge like a new Christian. The scripture that he has studied since Kindergarten takes on new meaning since his accident. It is another of the blessings that God has given us. Zack hungers to learn about the God that saved him. He is still a typical teenager, interested in girls and music, but now he is interested in our opinions and what he can learn from the Bible. We don’t know what lies ahead. We know what will happen next week and maybe next month. But next year is a promise God granted us that remains unknown. We speculate, are hopeful but don’t quite dare to look that far ahead. We are grateful that time is in God’s hands and we continue to pray that He will be a lamp unto our feet, a light onto our path. Illuminating just enough to give us hope but keeping the future in the dark to make us lean on our faith. It is a posture that I have become comfortable with. One that I count on to keep me focused on just how blessed we are. I ask that you pray that our faith will continue to carry us through Zack’s complete recovery.

July 8, 2006 One year Anniversary

July 8, 2006 Today is the one year anniversary of Zack’s accident. He was very excited this morning because we were going to visit University Hospital and Frazier Rehab. He had written a letter thanking his doctors, nurses and therapist for their role in giving his life back. We framed the letter along with a picture of Zack and delivered it this morning with a cake. He got to talk with several nurses in ICU at University that took care of him. He got to speak with Dr Densler by phone once we finally tracked him down. At Frazier we saw Mary Beth, Dr Calvery (his original psychologist) and a few nurses who were working on Saturday. Dr Calvery was the one that asked Zack what he did when he got frustrated and his answer was “I talk to God”. When she asked, “what does God say”, he responded “Stay the Course”. That has been our motto since. On the way downtown we drove by the accident site on Aiken Road so Zack could see our little surprise. Late last night Dylan and I nailed a sign that I had made to the tree next to the guardrail that came through the windshield and hit Zack’s head. Since I made the sign on canvas with permanent markers I hope it will be visible for a while. It reads, “Remember 7-5-05
Stay the Course”. Zack was delighted. After we left Frazier we went to visit my Mom in the hospital recovering from a hip replacement. I was hoping to introduce Zack to her nurse that I met yesterday. She had seen the picture my Mom had of Zack and asked about the accident. I spoke with her for a while about her faith (she is a member of Canaan Missionary Baptist Church). She asked me if Zack was my oldest child and reminded me that throughout history God has used “firstborn” sons many times to do His work. She told me to watch for God’s plan for Zack’s future. It reminded me of something Zack had told me last week. He has been attending a Wednesday night Bible study for high school and college students. After their last meeting he called me and said, “Mom you know what I found out. That Jesus does bigger things through people who were bad. That’s me Mom. He can do great things through me!” What a revelation. I hung up with tears running down my cheeks, full of gratitude that God is revealing His will to Zack through scripture. Zack has an innocent wisdom. He shares his thoughts and feeling freely. Recently he went to the movies with some friends and saw the movie “Click”. The movie revolves around a character that is able to fast forward through periods of his life. We took his friends home and as soon as they were out of the car Zack told me of a scene in the movie that moved him. He said the character went forward in time and missed his Dad’s funeral. He explained that the guy didn’t really like his Dad but he was sad that his Dad had died. Then he looked at me so genuinely and said, “I love you Mom. I would really miss you if you died.” It is not easy driving when your eyes are clouded with tears. I treated Zack to lunch today at PF Changs in celebration of his “wreck anniversary”. As the waiter took our order and I asked about a dish he told me it was good if I liked garlic. Since we were splitting an entrée he also looked at Zack and asked him if he liked garlic. Zack replied “What is garlic?” The waiter laughed, looked at him strangely and asked how old he was. Zack didn’t seem embarrassed but I felt obligated to explain. I pulled out a photo and told the waiter that Zack had been in an accident and because of his brain injury he can’t always remember what things are called (aphasia). He was stunned and told me that he had been my waiter on another evening, months ago at Bahama Breeze. It was the first day that my friends had gotten me away from Frazier (Scott stayed with Zack) and took me to dinner. Steve was our waiter that night and had heard the story of Zack’s accident. He had seen the article in the Southeast Outlook and was moved through our ordeal. He never forgot it and now here we were on the anniversary and he was our waiter. He asked if he could share our story with others and told several people at other tables. He doted on us and when it was time to pay the bill he told me “See your story has touched other people as well”. We were quite surprised that the restaurant had picked up our check. We gave Steve a picture and copy of the letter that Zack had written to his friends. Earlier we had also delivered a copy of the letter to Nicole (one of the girls in the accident with Zack). I had called to get their address and her Dad said Nicole was having a rough time. The accident was too painful a memory for her to deal with so she just pretends it never happened. I promised her Dad we would hand deliver the letter so Zack could talk with her. She was glad to see Zack doing so well and moved that we cared enough to come see her. We pray that Zack’s letter will impact not just Nicole and his friends but the many teenagers who struggle with the pressures and temptations of living in our fallen world. I think it appropriate for Zack to end this posting with the letter written in his own words. May you be humbled by God’s mercy and inspired by His awesome power revealed in these words:


To all my Friends


I thank you all so much. When I was in the hospital you all were there for me everyday. You all cried all the time and prayed for me, which is the best thing that you could have done. While I was in the hospital, my Mom was trying to have me talk. I couldn’t but I could type on her laptop. The first thing I typed was something that all of you should remember. I typed the words “Zack is the only way to show you”. When I said that, it basically meant that I got in a serious car wreck and survived. Ever since the wreck I have gotten away from the rather bad things that I use to do and I am much closer to God. The wreck could have happened to anyone else and still might occur, so please don’t let the lesson God taught me be lost on you. I like every one of you and I want everything to work out in your lives. Just do the right things and you will have a good life now and an awesome one when you see Jesus in heaven. My faith in God has gotten me to do the right things and has gotten me away from getting screwed with my parents when they find out I did the wrong thing. The wreck was terrible. I still have aphasia, which makes me say the wrong words and not remember the word that I want to say. I also read slowly and have a blind spot in the side of my right eye, which makes me have to look over to the right side all the time when I am driving. I don’t want any of you to get in a wreck like I did and suffer from these conditions also. I thank you all so much for your prayers because that is probably the reason that I am alive today. I have gotten much closer to God and I am wishing the best for you. Be Christians and “Stay the Course”.

Your good buddy,

Zack

Sunday June 18, 2006

Sunday June 18, 2006 Zack wrote his Dad a letter for Father’s Day telling him how much he appreciated how Scott was always there for him in the hospital after the wreck. He said “you set a beginning for my whole life”, “have told me very good Christian things to do”, I want to end up being like you when I grow up” and “help me when I am picking a wife”. It was the best present he could have given Scott and we feel very lucky to have Zack with us. It doesn’t take much for us to remember how terrified we were less than a year ago, wondering if Zack would live or die. We experience blessings everyday when we see him able to ordinary things that one time we thought would be impossible. Saturday he participated in Rollin’ on the River, a fundraiser for the Brain Injury Association of KY. He was awarded a gift certificate for lunch at Primo Restaurant for raising the most amount of money $1690. His name went into a drawing for the Grand Prize and everyone was elated when he won the Madone 5.2 Bicycle (the same one Lance Armstrong won his last Tour de France). He ran 5 miles in 45 minutes with Amy, his physical therapist from Frazier Rehab. She was amazed that he was able to push himself so hard and then eat 4 pieces of pizza after the run. I met several people associated with the organization that didn’t know me but knew all about Zack. We have committed to be more involved so we can help others going through similar experiences with brain injury.
About a week ago I received a phone call from Lisa Hobbs (her son Addison was on Zack’s baseball team and they have gone to Christian Academy together for years). A friend of their family had been in a car accident and was seriously injured. Whitney was 16 and suffered a traumatic brain injury (among other things) similar to Zack. Lisa asked if I would speak to Whitney’s Mom about where to send her daughter when she was released from the hospital. The next day I met her Mom and Grandmother at Frazier Rehab after they had toured the nursing home where the hospital wanted to send Whitney. I showed them Zack’s photo album and shared his story of miraculous recovery. We discussed therapy and medication and they got to speak with Mary Beth (Zack’s occupational therapist). It was heartwarming for me to be able to comfort another mother who felt inadequate as she struggled with decisions on how to help her daughter. I felt an instant bond with Whitney, her mother and grandmother and know that Zack will be anxious to meet them as well.
Zachary is one special child of God, touched by His healing hand, which continues to “guide him on paths of righteousness for His namesake”. We are still breathing Psalm 23 although now we are out of the “Shadow of Death” and the “anoint my head with oil” has taken place by proxy in the hands of a surgeon. God has carried Zack very far these last 11 months but we know He is not through with him. The deficits that Zack still deals with every day may not completely disappear but we are comforted in the consolation of the new spiritual soul that has developed. God has given Zack an attitude of gratitude and the ability to recognize his deficits and not be too frustrated by them. He can laugh at himself when he uses the wrong words for things (yes the aphasia is still with us). He
circles the words that he doesn’t understand in his daily reading and that is when we really see the impact of his injury. Words like persuasive, elaborate, consolation, literary, solidarity hoax and reconcile make reading difficult for this one-time Honors English student. Reading is still much slower than it used to be but he is determined to work at it every day. His short term memory still suffers. He can’t remember people’s names or to take his pill (Excelon, a memory drug given to Alzheimer’s patients, which is the only one he takes now) but thanks me when I remind him. He has jumped into the pool twice this month with his cell phone in his pocket (Scott has done a great job with getting sympathy from Sprint). Like every teenager his cell phone is one of his prized possessions so he determined on his own that it would be safer in his backpack instead of his pocket. One of the deficits that we know he will live with the rest of his life is the “field cut” in his vision. Vision therapy has made him aware of the “blind spot” and taught him how to compensate for it but there are still times when it impacts him severely. A few days ago he was driving with me (he always grabs my keys and gets behind the wheel) and narrowly missed hitting a car parked on the right side of the road (his filed cut is on the right). He explained he didn’t see it until I started screaming. He pulled over and we switched seats as I reminded him he had to focus on the right side to move things out of his blind spot. I felt like I could throw up, not just because we nearly had an accident, but because I know it will always be an issue for him. There is no surgery or glasses that can correct his field cut, he just has to practice focusing to the right. We decided to get a picture of something (Zack suggested a pretty girl) and tape it to the windshield on the right so he would be reminded to focus there. I hope to be able to continue more vision therapy once the insurance issues get straightened out. He apologized profusely for “his bad driving day” and once my stomach settled down we switched places again (you have to get back on the horse that throws you). I don’t get mad at him, he can’t help it. I sometimes feel sorry for him but never voice those concerns. Zack has a great attitude about it all. He tells me I should buy his new eyes and when I explain that there is nothing wrong with his eyes, it is in his brain, he laughs and tells me to get him a new brain. Of course we would never do that even if we could. We weigh the options and feel lucky. An imperfect brain…a renewed heart for God. Visual difficulties…a spiritual revival. Wayward…redeemed. We know that one day God will restore Zack fully. It may not be this side of heaven but it will surely happen to His glory! Please continue to pray for complete recovery.

Thursday May 31, 2006

Wednesday May 31, 2006 Zack has made remarkable progress the last 7 months. He started outpatient therapy at Frazier East on October 10th of last year. At that time he was barely reading at a Kinde3rgarden level and struggling every minute with aphasia (the ability to recall the names of very common objectws). I can remember asking him to name three vegetables and he couldn’t name even one. He had just as much difficulty recalling the names of everyone including his friends. Reading comprehension was out of grasp. Now he is reading at a high school level although his comprehension is better with 6th grade material. He has developed his own unique ways of remember words or describing what word he is trying to recall. In every area he has improved drastically, faster than anyone expected and with a positive attitude. We never experienced any depression but chose to keep him on Lexapro while he was in school (even though it was only 3 days a week) just in case he got overwhelmed. His last day at Christian Academy was Thursday (he was delighted that he didn’t have to take any finals). His last day on Lexapro was Friday May 26th. He was on the lowest dose but we will still monitor his behavior for signs of frustration. In many ways he is a typical teenage boy. Noticing every cool car and pointing out the ones he feels are acceptable for his first car. Always listening to music (even though his taste in music has greatly expanded) and constantly on the lookout for “clean females” (pretty girls). The hormones definitely haven’t been affected by his brain injury because in every situation he is pointing out the good-looking ladies and is not shy about talking to them (or asking for a phone number). Today we met with Dr Perri (psychologist) and Leslie (speech therapy) to plan out Zack’s summer. It is important to his continued recovery for him to remain cognitively active through summer and to insure he will be ready for school in the fall. I arrived slightly earlier than expected and found everyone (staff and patients) in the community room having a little party for Zack. They had made him a card, which everyone had written a personal note. One patient wrote “ meeting you opened my mind to what I can achieve”. The blackboard said “Good Luck Zack” and they were celebrating with a cookie cake. Zack was surprised and I was humbled to see how fond everyone was of him. Many had signed his sponsorship form and donated to the “Rollin’ on the River” event to benefit the Brain Injury Association of KY (BIAK). He was quite pleased with the money he had collected with the promise to run 5 miles. After everyone had left we met with Dr Perri and Leslie who reiterated just how much progress Zack had made, how determined he was and how his positive attitude made him a pleasure to work with (it didn’t hurt that he was also funny and quite entertaining). We discussed that Zack needed to continue to work on his language deficit, which is really the only obstacle left for him to conquer. This would encompass reading, comprehension, speaking and writing. Carol Britton (Christian Academy tutor) has put together a summer program for him that involves him reading daily (including 10 minutes out loud) and writing short summaries (about 10 sentences) three times a week. He would also continue Rhythmic Writing and complete an algebra worksheet weekly. Carol has also agreed to continue to work with Zack one-on-one during the summer (thankfully I won’t have to check that algebra sheet). Leslie would like to continue to work with Zack but logistically it becomes difficult to carve out only two hours, twice a week and she agrees that we have put together a pretty full program with Carol. Frankly she told us that she would miss Zack and although she is delighted with his improvements she hates to see him go. Dr Perri has become a friend to Zack and they talk about everything. He would like to monitor his withdraw from the Lexapro but agrees that we are capable of detecting changes in his emotional state. It is clear that they would like to see him continue outpatient therapy but also obvious that it is time to see if Zack can handle this next phase of recovery without them. He reminded them that he was a great student prior to his accident and is serious about getting good grades in school so he intends to keep working hard through the summer. We discussed that brain injuries and learning disabilities are different. Typically someone with a learning disability always has that deficit but with brain injury you are constantly changing as you recover. The key is to adapt our summer program, the ways we have him read and write, to his changing cognitive ability. Dr. Perri told us that the IEP (Individual Education Plan) would also have to be updated quarterly once Zack was back in school for the same reason. We lingered making small talk and it was obvious that no one wanted to say good-bye. Zack promised he would be back for visits and have lunch with them. He took a picture of the two of them on his cell phone, we all hugged and he walked out the door…a graduate of Frazier East. Zack felt very liberated, another milestone reached. Zack has been in therapy a long time and is anxious to “let summer be summer”. He fully understands the importance of staying with the program that Carol developed so he can be ready for school. We had our review with Dr Weinberg (Vision therapy) Wednesday May 17th. He explained that many of Zack’s vision deficits had disappeared and the remaining issues had improved drastically. He would also like to work with Zack through the summer because he thinks he could continue to help him but we have to get insurance issues straightened out. Zack’s field cut (blind spot) is more apparent now that he is driving. He has to train himself to focus on the right side, shift his eyes in that direction, in order to see what is in his blind spot. Continuing with vision therapy will help with retraining his brain to take in information in that area. However, until the insurance issues get straightened out we are taking a break from vision therapy.
Our interview on Wave 3 News at 6:00 with Carol Britton last Friday did not go as planned. Wave failed to communicate with those involved that we were coming so we ended up being interviewed by Kevin Harnett after he did the weather at 7:00. He didn’t know much about why we were there so unless you were paying attention (and didn’t sneeze) you would have missed the whole thing. It wasn’t a wasted trip for us however. We had planned that while downtown we would stop in a Frazier Rehab and drop off one of the Rollin’ on the River Sponsorship Forms so that the therapist and nursing staff could support Zack. As we talked with the aides at the nurses station there was a man there listening. He asked me questions and was very interested in Zack. It turns out he was the father of a 3 year old little boy who was in a car accident. In addition to a brain injury he had a broken pelvis and swollen spinal cord in his neck. He had been in a coma for a week at the hospital in Tennessee where they are from. His Dad fought to get him to Frazier for therapy once he was stable. They have no family or friends here and didn’t know what to expect as he recovered. Zack was a great encouragement. We explained how badly Zack had been hurt and how quickly he had recovered. Zack told the boy’s father that it had only been a short time since they had been at Frazier and he was sure his son would be OK. He asked him if he believed in God and told him to pray and his son would get better. We invited him to church on Sunday, gave our phone number and promised to come back frequently to visit them. Saturday night Zack asked me if he had called about going to church and that was the first question he asked again Sunday morning. Ten minutes later Fue (he is Hawaiian) called and we made arrangements to pick him up. I knew that he would be overwhelmed at the size of Southeast Christian Church and a bit uncomfortable since all he had was jeans and a t-shirt. I told him that it didn’t matter and we were delighted that he was with us. We arrived early enough to give him a tour of the new Media Center where we ran into Dave Stone. He asked who our friend was and we explained the situation with his son. Dave told me to be sure to put him on the hospital visiting list As we proceeded to the sanctuary we introduced Fue to many others who promised to pray for his son. After the service Scott and Zack took him to lunch before taking him back to the hospital. Scott talked with him for a long time about his background and his faith (he became a Christian 4 years ago). We feel blessed to be able to help his family while they travel a road that we know very well. Although his son’s brain injury is not nearly as bad as Zack’s was, they do not have the support of family and friends here. Zack said he “loves that little boy” and we will be sure to encourage them and provide the information on recovery through our experience. Ironically his son “Alex” has the same team (Dr Mook, Mary Beth and Amy) that Zack had while he was there. We ask that you pray for Alex and Fue that they will receive the peace that passes all understanding through faith that God is the great physician. Helping other patients that are going through the same experience that we did is the mission field God has placed us in. Zack always wants to go to Frazier Rehab and University Hospital and see if there is anyone there who “needs him”. He is never shy about asking if they believe in God and usually brings up the subject of prayer before I do. He wants to give back and says it makes him feel good to help other patients.
We step into the next phase of his recovery. Working without Leslie or Dr Perri to fall back on. Maintaining a positive attitude without the aid of an anti-depressant. Being an encouragement to other patients. We will listen for God’s direction and cling to the promise in scripture that He will be a light onto our path. We ask that you continue to pray for Zack’s complete recovery so he can be an encouragement to others for the Glory of God!

Note: Come cheer Zack on June 17th at the Rollin’ on the River Event to benefit the BIAK (more info to follow).