Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thursday July 14, 2005, I arrived about 6:30 AM anxious for my update from Stephanie (the night nurse). He had a great night. He put his thumb up, so Stephanie was asking for 2 fingers. Since he wouldn’t do it she turned to leave the room and happened to glance back at him. There he was tapping 2 fingers on his chest. We don’t know if he is being stubborn or if his reactions were just a little slow. I look forward to my morning time alone with him. He is alert. He has stopped the shaking and we think he is starting to get used to what they have to do to him. I try to get the thumbs up from him. I was holding his right hand when he started very purposefully rubbing the top of my hand. Since the beginning when I am with him I stroke his hand or arm. Now he is returning that love. He also snapped his fingers twice. I tried to get him to do it for Stephanie but that seemed to be a trick only for Mom. He tapped his upper chest with 2 fingers. I know he’s saying that he doesn’t want that tube down his throat. It brings tears to my eyes and his. They could not have torn me from his room, so again I was allowed to stay with him through rounds. At 9:00 AM Dr. Mutchnick came in to remove Zack’s bolt (the monitor that measures his ICP). He started to prep for surgery. Again I was allowed to be there to hold Zack’s hands and comfort him. Since he seems to be very resistant to pain medication they decided not to fool around, and dosed him heavily with morphine and sedatives. Christy is our nurse today. The plastic surgeon came in to check out the last stitch job on his head laceration. It was sealed tight and looked good, but because of the trauma to that area, Zack will not grow hair on a patch a little bigger than a quarter. Luckily he likes to wear hats. They removed the bolt and took a few stitches. That area will heal fine. They came in and fitted him with a helmet. Once the tube is out of his throat he will wear the helmet unless he is sleeping and until his scull is reattached (probably in 3 months). The occupational therapist came in about 11:00 to work with his arms and hands. We are very lucky that Zack has “full range” which means they can take his arms up over his head. Because he had so much morphine during surgery he was pretty quiet most of the day, not really responding to commands. We decided that God rested on the 7th day and so should Zack. His friends came and I took several in to see him. I discussed with a group of about 12 or 15 the plan for visits in the next several days. It is important to Zack’s recovery that his friends be able to visit him. They need it and so do I. We want to keep him stimulated during the day but resting at night. We’ve started to turn the TV on and opened his blinds. Later that night Andy Raines came to visit and we went up to see Zack. Andy thought that he looked uncomfortable and told him to wiggle his toes if he wanted to sit up. Immediately he moved his toes. Good signs since most of the day he was not consistently following commands. We know he can do it unless he is too tired so I think he is starting to be stubborn (he is a teenager). I don’t think he is going to cooperate much until we remove the tube. My niece Sherry and Mary Rivard went up to see him at 11:00 PM. They were talking to him when very suddenly Zack came off his bed about 3 feet and opened both eyes very wide. He looked directly at Mary and then Sherry before lying back down. Tonight’s nurse Marca said he was trying very hard to “wake up”. They sent for me and the next two hours were very emotional. His eyes are open but he’s not all the way there. He is not in a coma but he is not awake. He keeps squeezing my hand and purposefully pointing to the tube. He is not restrained and at times tears fall from his eyes. My heart aches, I am overcome with emotion and I promise him that the tube will come out tomorrow. I am fortunate to have my good friend Teri and niece Sherry here with me. It is hard on all of us. I make the decision to stay the night in his room to calm him down when the panic sets in. My brother in law Jay arrives and is grief stricken to see Zack in such turmoil. I feel as though I am giving birth to him all over again only this time he is the one experiencing the pain. This has been the hardest time since the 1st day. I know that he is aware and asking me to help him. I beg God for the peace that I had earlier. I turn again to the 23rd Psalm and pray with Zack hoping he can understand me through choked-backed tears. I dwell on the scripture that God only disciplines those he loves. I look up and see the button someone brought for Zack that says, “I am loved”. He is loved…by me, his Dad, his family and so many other people. But most importantly he is loved by God. I don’t know how anyone could make it through this kind of tragedy without faith in Christ. The peace that passes all understanding is a gift of love from God to those who believe and trust in Him. I pray for those who are here hurting and don’t know Jesus. I ask all of you to pray for Zack, for Matt (the driver of the car) and maybe a few more hours of sleep for me.