Thursday, July 21, 2005

Thursday July 21, 2005 Zack’s white count was down to 11 and he has been fever free all night. I had a tough conversation with Dr. Mutchnick about why Zack couldn’t move to Kosair. I asked for a consult by a Neurologist and although he explained that they did not deal with Traumatic Brain Injury he would request one to see me. After a 20-minute conversation (which is rare with a resident making rounds) I was beginning to see the light. God’s will was for Zack to stay here and I was the one fighting it. Dr. Mutchnick
agrees to keep Zack in ICU for as long as possible, not for him but for me. Dr Schaeffer came for the Neurologist consult and basically confirmed what Dr Mutchnick told me. Dave Kennedy (one of the ministers from Southeast) came at my request to help me be still and listen to God. He reminded me that if it flows its God’s will, if it’s forced it’s from man. At 12:00 Karen comes in to give him physical therapy. She always offers me hope and today was no different. She told us “all kids wake up”. She said she was absolutely certain that Zack would wake up. At 1:00 Dr Mook and his team from Frazier came for his assessment. I felt like a cheerleader telling him all Zack could do before the pneumonia and MRSA set in. I was desperate and hopeful that he would see something in Zack that the Neuro Surgeons didn’t. I gave them the letter to read that Zack had written me about a month before his accident, where he was trying to convince us to change his curfew. They asked a lot of questions about the accident itself and our home situation (how many stairs, siblings, bathrooms). Finally Dr Mook told me that once he got his feeding tube placed tomorrow and went to the floor (Critical Care Unit) for 24 hours, they would accept him at Frazier. I was ecstatic! Only 12 hours earlier I felt hopeless. I drove home crying out to God to help me accept whatever condition Zack would be left in. Now Dr Mook was talking about getting his books from school so they could use them in therapy. He expects Zack to remain at Frazier for 4 – 8 weeks and graduate to the Neuro/Pych outpatient center at Frazier East. He will continue to go through therapy there while he lives at home. The road will be long, very hard and we don’t know where we are going until we get there. But we are traveling forward and I have faith that God will be the light onto our path. Mrs. Thompson and Mrs. Fenwick from Christian Academy come to see Zack while he is in his chair and he squeezes both their hands. He spends 2 hours in the chair a briefly holds his head up several times. This is really hard for him since he is also dealing with his helmet. He sleeps peacefully. I know when it comes to traumatic brain injuries that the surgeons save their lives but Frazier gives them their life back. As I go downstairs to tell everyone the good news a picture keeps running through my mind. It is of God looking down on me last night when I was crying out in despair and saying “Oh Eileen if you only knew what I had in store for you tomorrow”. We will never be the same. We will never be able to sit in church, listen to the word of God and not be impacted. His timing, His grace, His plans for us, His drawing us near to Him. In the last 14 days we have lived through them all.
I only hope and pray that Zack’s many friends who have lived through this with us will learn what tragic consequences can come from decisions that seem harmless at the time.
Zack gets his feeding tube placed in his stomach between 2:00 and 5:00 tomorrow. Please pray that new trauma cases coming in don’t bump his procedure and that a private room will be available when we need it. Please pray that I will have the courage to get home a little earlier so I can get some sleeeeep.